“Speaking of love, what about you? I’m assuming no husband if you and Etta live with Aunt Viv. Do you have a fiancé or boyfriend or something?” Dr. Golden is looking around the room like I might be hiding a lover in the drapes.
“You assume right.” Ohhhhh, here goes nothing. I’m stepping into the deep end. “I do a lot of things well, but my history shows dating is not one of them. And, um, you remember my friend, Lola? From the hospital?”
“Yeah.” Ty is looking confused. I’m not sure I’m wading into this conversation quite right so screw it, I’m diving right in.
“Lola thought maybe you might know of a single doctor, or, I guess, really any colleague or friend you could set me up with.” Now it’s out there. And the world didn’t end. I cringe in mock pain waiting for the answer.
“Why do you look like you’re smelling expired milk?” I relax my face and open my eyes as my body temperature rises in embarrassment. I don’t care how brave this is, it’s beyond humiliating.
“I’m cringing that at my age my love life is so pathetic that I’m asking my aunt’s cardiologist if he knows anyone he can set me up with. Since Michael, that’s my ex, it’s been me, Etta, and Aunt Viv—and our tight threesome has been enough. But Etta will be off to college in six months and Aunt Viv is getting older and her recent heart attack and . . .” What were tears of laughter two minutes ago morph into rolling tears of fear out of nowhere. Or really from somewhere buried deep where I haven’t been willing to go since I first saw Aunt Viv in the hospital bed. I’m pretty sure Dr. Golden is getting ready to run for the door.
“I think these tears call for alcohol. Can I check your fridge?”
“I don’t really feel like a drink, thanks though.” I push the heels of my hands against my eyes and breathe deep as I plop down on the couch.
“Okay, but is it alright if I grab one? Two hundred fifty cardiologists and one hot mess of a woman is a lot for a guy to take on in one day. Give me two gulps and then we’re going to get down to business talking about your future.”
“Help yourself.” While Dr. Golden’s getting a beer I try to wipe my raccoon eyes off on my sweater. Turns out my mascara is waterproof. Score one for Revlon.
“Who’s Michael?” is the first question Ty asks after downing half a beer in one gulp.
“I’m in tears because my aunt Viv could drop dead any moment, leaving me alone in this world—or at least alone in California—and you want the dirt on my ex-boyfriend? Good thing you didn’t become a shrink, your priorities are whack.”
“Josie.” Golden Boy sets his beer down on the side table, unbuttons his suit jacket, and sits down next to me on the couch. He picks up my hands and examines them for a moment before speaking. “Aunt Viv is not dropping dead. If I have anything to say about it the only thing she’ll be dropping is about twenty to twenty-five pounds.”
“She’ll definitely be dead before she does that. Tough to lose weight when you fry everything in lard and soak your Cheerios in buttermilk.”
“As Viv’s cardiologist, I really wish I didn’t just hear you say that.” Ty puts his hands over his ears and shakes his head. “Seriously though, Josie, why are you so worried that your aunt Viv is going to die? You see her every day. She’s back at work, back to doing things with her friends.” The genuine concern on Dr. Golden’s face is reassuring. It seems he actually wants to help me sort through my tangled emotions.
“It’s just, well, I already lost one mother when I was four. You would think twenty-six years later I would be strong enough to lose another, but I don’t think I am. I’m not ready.”
“Wait, I thought you were almost forty?”
“Okay fine, I’m not ready to lose another mother thirty-six years later, but who’s counting, genius.”
“Apparently you are, backward by ten.” Ty chuckles and picks up his beer for another swig. “So your mom died when you were four and Aunt Viv raised you?”
“Kind of. My mom left me at Aunt Viv’s front door and I haven’t seen her since. She could be dead or she could be very much alive.”
“Must have been something big for a mother to leave a beautiful child like you and trust someone else to raise her. I can’t imagine.” Golden Boy actually looks pained as he pictures a little girl left behind by her mother. He’s probably thinking about Gracie and finding it unimaginable that he or Daniel would or could ever do that to her. There’s something about how open he is to my history that I launch into details only three people in my world know.
“Well, since you’re going all therapist on me, I actually don’t know why my mother left me.” I don’t want to look Ty in the eye, so I start scratching at some gunk on his suit pant leg with my index finger.
“Your aunt Viv never told you?” Ty lifts my chin up with his thumb, so I have to look at him when I answer.
“Aunt Viv has never been willing to talk about it with me and over time I’ve gotten too scared to ask. It must have been something awful if Aunt Viv won’t talk about it ’cause that woman will talk about anything. After all these years it’s become the taboo topic in our family. Even Etta knows not to bring it up. Now it’s a three-generation Bordelon secret.” My body feels tired and heavy and I wish I could crawl over and curl up in Ty’s lap. I have enough self-awareness to know that that’s taking the doctor/patient’s closest relative relationship too far, even for the Golden cardiologist.
“Secrets are exhausting to keep. Particularly family secrets,” Ty says, looking like he’s all too familiar with this topic. I wonder if it took him years to come out to his family. If maybe, even though he’s a handsome, successful, kind doctor, his parents still struggle with his sexuality.
Ty’s phone beeps in his pocket as if it knows I am ready for the attention to shift off me.
“Ugh, that’s Daniel. I’m sorry to do this to you. I’d love to stay for a second beer, but I have to get going. It’s my turn to pick up Gracie at gymnastics, or what I like to call the world’s most expensive cartwheel.” Ty stands and puts out his hand to pull me up. Just like at lunch in the Presidio, his hands feel warm and strong, like if he wraps them around you everything will be alright. I understand why Aunt Viv has put her faith in him as her doctor. “Oh, I almost forgot.” In three large steps with his long legs he reaches into his bag and grabs the dumbbells and lines them up perfectly on the coffee table, laying the TheraBand over the top.
“Do you want to date a doctor?” Ty stops halfway to the door to ask. “I mean, they’re kind of an egotistical, pain-in-the-butt, know-it-all bunch. And you’re right, they got no swag.”