He closed his eyes, and I knew I’d done damage. For some reason, though, I felt compelled to twist the knife I could see that I’d already shoved through his heart.
Shaking my head, my voice got quiet. “You broke your promise to me, Zev.”
Confusion marred his features.
Before he had the chance to speak, I clarified, “You forgot about me. You promised you’d never forget about me. But you did.”
“Tillie, I never forgot about you,” he insisted.
I closed my eyes, still unable to believe that I was hearing his voice. I gave myself a minute to breathe and settle down. When I opened my eyes again and looked at him, I asserted, “You did, Zev. Not just by not remembering the night that I keep replaying over and over in my head, but also when you ignored every single call or text I sent you after it. And when weeks went by without any communication, you did nothing to change that.”
“Please stop saying that I don’t remember what happened that night,” he begged.
“Why? You don’t like the fact that you can’t remember that you—”
Now it was his turn to cut me off.
“I remember everything about that night, Tillie. Everything. The way you kissed me, the way you smelled, the way you touched my body, and the way yours felt underneath mine. Most of all, though, I remember the way you looked into my eyes the moment I was inside you for the first time… the moment anybody was inside you for the first time. I was awed that you chose me. I remember all of it,” he stressed.
I blinked in surprise at his words.
He remembered it?
Not only did he remember it, but he knew what I’d given him. He knew.
I stood there, staring at him, feeling so confused.
“I can’t take back what I did to you the next morning,” he began. “I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.”
“Why did you do it?” I asked. “Why did you pretend you didn’t know?”
Zev shook his head. “I wasn’t trying to pretend anything. I think I asked you what happened more out of guilt. It wasn’t about not remembering.”
“Guilt? Guilt over what?” I pressed.
Zev took in several deep breaths. Finally, he stated, “Liam loved you.”
That didn’t explain anything.
“Okay? And I loved him. What does that have to do with us?” I wondered.
“No, Tillie. You’re misunderstanding me. You remember the day we made that promise never to forget you? You know, the day at the lake?”
I dipped my chin to confirm that I did.
“When you swam to the shore, we both watched you. That day, I admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with you,” he started, his voice tortured. “God, I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world.”
Zev fell in love with me? When we were just teenagers he fell in love with me. I felt like my head was spinning and I was going through some kind of information overload.
He must have realized I was still feeling monumentally confused because he shared, “So while I’d kept my feelings about you to myself, Liam didn’t. And that day, as you swam to the shore, he told me he was going to marry you one day.”
My lips parted in shock.
Liam.
Oh my God.
Suddenly, everything started making sense. The guilt and regret I saw in Zev’s face was not about the fact that he’d slept with his best friend. It was that he’d done it and believed he betrayed his brother. And all the years of me being in love with him wondering why he’d never made a move on me… it was all so clear to me now. He was giving up what he wanted for the sake of his brother’s happiness.
My shock and silence stretched on for too long, so Zev took the opportunity to move closer to me. When he was only inches away from me, he brought his finger up to my chin and lifted. My head tipped back, and I was staring up at his eyes.
“I don’t know why Liam never actually acted on what he said to me that day,” he started. “But that’s why I never acted on my feelings. I’m telling you right now, though, that what you and I had that night means everything to me. Not only because you gave me what you did, but also because I was able to give you the same.”
My eyes widened.
“What?” I whispered.
“It’s always been you, Tillie,” he said.
Was he saying what I thought?
“Are you… are you saying…” I trailed off.
He nodded. “Yes, Tillie. You were my first.”
“But… but you’ve gone out on dates?” I stammered.
He cocked an eyebrow and argued, “So have you.”
“Are you… are you telling me that you’ve never been with anybody else before me?” I asked.
Zev smiled and nodded again. “And I haven’t been with anybody after you, babe.”
Tears filled my eyes. I closed them and felt the wetness slip out and down my cheeks. Zev wiped them away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered before he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
Not wanting to waste another second, I threw my arms around his shoulders. Zev’s arms closed around me as I cried, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I know, babe. I know. I missed you, too,” he said, his voice gentle.
We stayed like that a long time, neither of us saying a word. I think we both just needed the time to come to grips with the fact that we were no longer separated.
After some time had passed, Zev broke the silence. “Tillie?” he called.
“Yeah?” I asked, pulling my head back from his shoulder to look at him.
When his eyes met mine, he smiled. Then, he asked, “Do you love me?”
I returned his smile and replied, “I fell in love with you the day you put your wrist guards and knee pads on me before you and Liam taught me how to skateboard.”
Zev laughed. “You were nine.”
I shrugged. “I’ve always known what I wanted, honey. Why do you think I continued to find something wrong with every guy I went out on a date with? I’ve always thought you and I were meant to be.”
Relief swept through him. At the same time, I could tell there was still something eating away at him.
Not wanting to have to continue to do this in the middle of my store, I asked, “Will you come with me back to my place? I’d love to show you where I’m living now.”
Zev nodded. “Then we should get your store closed down so you can do that.”
Faster than I’ve ever done it before, I closed down my shop. Then, Zev followed me in his truck back to my place.
It wasn’t until we walked inside that I realized my mistake.
I had been walking through the house giving Zev the grand tour when we ended up in my living room. His eyes immediately went to the coffee table.
After pulling out the photos the other night, I never went back and organized them or put them away. They were still there, scattered on the table.
“Zev,” I whispered when I saw the pain in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot I left these out.”
He didn’t respond. He simply knelt down beside the table and lifted a photo from it. It was one of the three of us from the time we’d all gone to see the Grand Canyon together. Seeing it, I remembered it like it happened yesterday. We’d asked a random stranger to take a photo of us. I was standing there with Zev on one side of me and Liam on the other. We were exuding happiness.