Gavin rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself. Noah wondered how he’d missed this, all this time.
“Let’s go home and talk, okay?”
The look Gavin gave Noah was pure animosity. “No. You can go home. I’m going in the club. If you’re done with this, then you’re done with me. It’s who I am.” Gavin waited a beat, but Noah didn’t stop him, and he turned and walked back into the club.
Noah wanted to follow, but he couldn’t make himself. Gavin was punishing him for doing what Noah knew was right. He was mad at Noah for not abusing his power as a dom and going too far. It upset him that Noah had limits, limits he couldn’t push, and he didn’t respect.
He stared at the door, waiting a few minutes in case Gavin changed his mind and exited the club, but eventually he pulled his keys out of his pocket and walked back to his car. He found himself on Daniel’s doorstep. He’d been his best friend since they met back in college, and though Daniel was a switch, he’d left the club scene behind a few years ago. He still attended some quieter events, but for the most part, he avoided the scene.
Daniel opened the door and stepped aside so Noah could enter.
“Where’s Gavin?”
“The club.”
“And you’re not.”
“Nope.”
Daniel shut the door. “Want a drink?”
“Fuck yes.” Noah took the stupid button up off and threw it in the trash. “Got a shirt I can borrow? And some pants. Leather is fucking horrible.” Noah stripped down, not caring about his nudity.
“For you, man, anything.” Daniel handed him a beer, then got him a clean t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Noah dressed and sank onto Daniel’s couch.
“What’s going on?” Daniel asked.
“I think… I think Gavin and I broke up.”
Daniel sat next to Noah and dropped a hand on his shoulder. “Gavin’s a good guy.”
“I know.”
“But he’s totally wrong for you.”
“I’m figuring that out.”
Daniel snorted. “You’ve known it for a while, but you’re forced to admit it now. Tthat’s all.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, Daniel.”
“You love me.”
“I love your beer.”
“I’ll take it.” Daniel took a long sip, then leaned back. “So, what’s next?”
Noah shrugged. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”
“You will. Don’t worry.”
Noah was glad Daniel had faith. Noah was fresh out, and worse than that, wasn’t sure he cared.
Chapter Seven
December 2010
The friend request had pinged his notifications at three in the morning. What Noah was still doing awake, he didn’t know. He hadn’t been able to sleep and had given up tossing and turning in favor of editing some photos he’d taken recently. He was on a social media break when Gavin sent him a friend request.
He thought about not accepting it, but in the end. Noah wasn’t one to hold a grudge. After the messy scene outside the club that night, they’d quietly went their separate ways, each of them agreeing to stay friends, but then neither of them kept in touch. Noah felt the loss for a long time. It was the reason he accepted the friend request.
Gavin messaged him soon after, and they’d talked until the morning came. This continued for a few nights. Noah would curl up in bed with his laptop and wait for Gavin to get online, and they’d spend hours talking.
And now Noah would see him in person. He pulled the door open and entered the cafe. Getting out of the biting December wind, Noah unwound the scarf from around his neck and ordered a cafe au lait, then found a table to wait for Gavin.
Noah had wished they’d stayed in touch. The years since had been a rollercoaster. He’d started his own side gig as a photographer, taking courses when he could. Some online. Some at a local college. It had since turned into a nearly full-time gig.
Taking the leap and quitting his job had been the scariest thing Noah had ever done, but here he was, one year later, and business was great. His work had made it into a few national magazines. He was the critically acclaimed photographer Noah Cook. But despite the award he’d won and the glowing reviews from his clients, he still felt like nothing more than a kid with a camera.
“Noah?”
Noah turned and there he stood, still as beautiful as ever. “Gavin.” The smile that formed on Noah’s face was instant, and for the first time in ages, Noah felt happy. Just seeing Gavin had improved Noah’s mood. He stood and wrapped Gavin up in a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you. Your profile picture doesn’t do you justice.”
“Sit, let me get you a drink,” Noah said. “Do you still like those peppermint hot chocolates?”
“Yes, please.” Gavin sat a little awkwardly, Noah thought with relief. At least he wasn’t the only one feeling it.
Noah returned with a peppermint hot chocolate with extra whip, the way he remembered Gavin liked them. It hit him in the ribs, a sharp pain of knowing something so mundane about someone but knowing enough time had passed that he wouldn’t know Gavin the way he used to. He liked his hot chocolate the same, but his hair was shorter, his frame thinner. What else had changed?
“Here,” Noah said, sitting down across from Gavin. He pushed the cocoa toward him and watched as Gavin took the first sip. His eyes fluttered shut the way Noah expected them to.
“That’s so good. Thank you.”
Noah nodded, and where he expected awkwardness to descend, it didn’t. Being with Gavin had always been easy until it wasn’t. “I saw one of your photos in a magazine a few months ago.” Gavin’s cheeks turned pink when he spoke. “You’re amazing.”
“Thanks. It just happened, the whole photography thing.”
“You always were good, Noah.”
“What about you? Are you still teaching dance?”
Gavin nodded. “I bought the studio.”
“That’s great.”
Gavin beamed. “I work with a group of inner-city kids. I caught one of them tagging the wall of the studio, so I hired him to put up a real piece. Then I had him do some in the lobby and the dressing rooms. From there I found a whole group of kids who needed something to do, you know. Something that wasn’t graffiti and loitering.”
“That’s amazing.”
Gavin went on for nearly an hour about his project, how it started, what it meant to the kids, and to him.
“What about you?” Gavin asked. “What have you been up to?”
“Work, mostly. I quit my job, went full time with the photography thing, and that’s been my year.”
“That must drive the boyfriend insane.”
Noah shrugged. “Don’t have one of those. I don’t have the time.”
“Everyone has the time for love, Noah.” Gavin sounded sad, but Noah didn’t want his pity.
“I’m fine, Gavin. Trust me, okay.”
Gavin nodded, but Noah could tell by the way Gavin pressed his lips into a thin line he didn’t believe him, and wanted to argue about it. Noah didn’t need love. That was the truth of it. He’d made time for it twice before, first with Ian, then with Gavin. He’d tried to date other guys after Gavin, but he couldn’t invest so much of himself in another person again. Instead, he invested in himself. In his photography. And the fulfillment and satisfaction he got from it was enough for now.