It felt like a movie where the camera zooms in on a scene and highlights something important the director doesn’t want the audience to miss. Noah’s gaze zeroed in on the submissive and his thick eyelashes. The way his head tilted back at the slight pressure from the crop. The way his lashes fluttered before his eyes opened.
And that gaze. The way he looked at the Dom. Reverence. Adoration. Respect. Submission. Desire. A million emotions all in a single look. Noah wanted that… not the submission. He wanted the way the sub looked at the dom. He wanted the power and control over all that restrained lust.
Watching the dom on stage cleaved Noah in half. He ached for something he didn’t understand how to get, and he felt empty all over again. He knew there was more to becoming the commanding presence on the stage than walking up to someone and telling them to do things. There was more to wielding a flogger or a crop, or your hands, than simply doing it. And Noah didn’t have a single clue where to start.
“He’s great, isn’t he?” An unfamiliar voice said.
Noah turned toward the source. A short, platinum blonde with a dark ring of eyeliner and a collar around his neck. “I’m Marky. That guy on stage, Master Jason. He’s hot. Everyone wants him.”
“I don’t,” Noah said, turning back to the show. “I want to be him.”
“Damn. I owe Tyler ten bucks,” Marky laughed. “I pegged you both as subs.”
There was no way Noah wanted to kneel for someone. To give up that much of himself again, he didn’t know if he could survive it. It also felt wrong, even the idea felt off. Like you sometimes know you wouldn’t like something, like jumping out of an airplane or getting your eyebrows tattooed on. The idea of submitting felt like putting shoes on the wrong feet.
“I can introduce you guys to some people while you wait to meet Master Jason.”
“You know him?”
Marky rolled his eyes. “He’s the owner. Everyone knows him. And he always meets blue bracelets when he can. He’ll want to meet you.”
Noah suddenly felt stupid for his comment, and hoped Marky kept it to himself. He couldn’t help admitting he wanted to meet Jason. He wanted to see him up close. Even from across the room, he was impressive. Broad shouldered, dark-haired. He moved like a dancer, all elegance and grace. Each muscle perfectly controlled.
“Damn,” Daniel said beside him. “Someone’s got it bad.”
Noah didn’t argue. “Look at him, Daniel.”
“He’d tear you in half.”
“Yeah.” Noah grinned. “I know.” He could taste how much he wanted to be deconstructed by Jason. He gave the show every bit of his attention. The more he watched, the more the idea solidified in his mind. He wanted that one day. He wanted to be like Jason. Powerful. Predatory.
The show ended and Noah stood there, watching Jason bundle the trembling sub up in his arms and whisk him away off stage. The tender moment had Noah blinking tears away. Marky and Daniel both ignored his emotional response. Instead, they chatted about club rules and the who’s who of the kink circuit.
Marky spirited them away to a booth off to the side of a dance floor. Noah had no interest in going out there, but Daniel did, so he suggested he go dance with Marky. They took off together, leaving Noah alone at the table.
He didn’t mind so much. It was nice to be off campus and away from classes. It was miles different from anything he had back home, so sitting and watching people was a pleasure. He liked to see what made people tick. The way they interacted and how the dynamic varied from couple to couple, or triad to triad. There were a few different poly amorous groups in the club, but it was always the doms who interested Noah the most.
“You’re new,” A voice said, snapping Noah out of his daydream. “Enjoying yourself?”
Noah turned his head and there he was. Master Jason, sitting across the table from him. He looked relaxed, but cocky, self-assured and hot. A strong, square jawline, thick five o’clock shadow, arms like pythons. He didn’t look to be much older than Noah, though. Maybe twenty-five at the most.
“Yes, sir,” Noah replied.
Jason spent a long minute examining Noah. It felt like a test he needed to pass, so he kept his gaze steady and stared back at Jason. Jason’s full lips twisted into a wide smile.
“What brings you here tonight?”
“Curiosity.”
“Let me guess,” Jason leaned forward and rested his arms on the table in front of him. He leaned into Noah’s space, but Noah didn’t move back, though it took every bit of effort to not be cowed by the larger man. “You want to find a nice dom to work you over, show you what it’s like to let go?”
“No, sir,” Noah answered, his voice steadier than he’d expected it to be. “I don’t want to submit.”
“No? You might like it.”
“If I told you I wanted to submit, would you look at me and ask if I wanted to be a dom?” After a pause, Noah repeated. “I don’t want to submit.”
Jason’s grin only grew. “You’re right. I don’t question people who say they want to submit. I take it for granted everyone wants to be on the receiving end of the flogger.”
“I don’t.”
“Not even a little?”
Noah surveyed the club again. He could see why it appealed to some people. The freedom of not having a choice. The power of giving up your own. The trust. “No,” Noah said, swinging his gaze back to Jason’s. “I don’t.”
“Why do you want to be a dom, Noah?”
Noah blinked at him. “You know my name?”
“I talked to Marky and your friend.”
Noah blinked at him and took a deep breath. He felt the color rise in his cheeks, and he didn’t want to talk, but he had to. “I don’t want to submit because it’s not who I am. It’s not what I want. If I’m on my knees, it will be so I can pick up my submissive. If I’m bending for someone, it’s so they don’t break. I want someone to look at me the way the sub on stage looked at you.” Noah exhaled a shaky breath. “Sir. But I know I can’t. Not yet. I don’t know how.”
“I’m not in the habit of teaching wayward doms how to swing floggers.”
“Can you point me in the right direction?” Noah clenched his fists. He needed this more than he’d needed anything in his life. Even more than he’d needed Ian. Maybe this was the thing that could fill the void Ian left behind. Noah hoped so.
Noah still thought of Ian sometimes, but instead of a bullet wound, his loss had reduced to that of a missing tooth. The pain was still there, but instead of a mortal wound it was now a dull ache which easily faded into the background most days.
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t, just that I’m not in the habit of it.”
“You’ll do it?” Noah’s heart skipped a beat.
“I’ll think about it. I have a partner, a full time submissive.”
“The guy on stage?”
“Yeah, that’s Travis. I’ll talk to him about you, and I’ll give you a call.” Jason motioned to someone in a red shirt and they came over. He borrowed a pen from them and passed Noah a napkin. “Give me your number.”