“Not this again,” Eva let out a frustrated breath. “Whatever me and Levi share, it isn’t the same as what you and I share.”
“I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help it. I can’t help but wonder if I’d have stepped aside and let the two of you...” Fuck, what was I saying? I could never have watched my brother with Eva. She was mine. She had been ever since the first time I saw her.
“What do I have to do to get you to see that I’m right here? There was never a choice for me, Rafe. It was always you.”
“Come here.” I curved my hand around Eva’s neck, drawing her close. I hadn’t wanted to ruin the night with all the heavy talk, but it wasn’t like we got chance to have these kinds of conversations on the road with a bunch of people always within earshot.
“I’ve been thinking, maybe I should talk to someone.”
Eva’s head bobbed up. “Like therapy?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to let my past relationship with Levi affect what we have.”
“I think that’s a great idea. Maybe Levi will... sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I chuckled. “Your big heart is one of the reasons why it’s so easy to love you.”
“I just want you both to be happy.”
“Tell me about you,” I said, wanting nothing more than to turn the spotlight from me to her.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
Eva smiled, her gentle laughter like a salve to my bruised heart. “That could take a while.”
“Tell me about what you were like as a kid.”
“You really want to know that stuff?”
I nodded.
“I was always so shy and uncertain about things. The total opposite to Molly. She was always so full of life and ideas. A lot of people didn’t get our friendship, but it just worked. She’s always been the gentle nudge I need to step out of my comfort zone, and I’ve always been the little voice of reason tellin’ her not to do somethin’ crazy.”
“So, it’s Molly I owe then?”
“What do you...?” Realization dawned on her face. “Yeah, I guess it is. You know, when I got sick, it was like being a celebrity at first. My friends all sent cards and posters, and they would come hang out at the house. But as time went on, the visits grew further and further apart. I couldn’t go to school or hang out. Life kept movin’ on around me while I stayed still. But Molly never stopped showin’ up. Heck, she gave up most of junior year to be at my side. And if she went somewhere, she came and told me all about it the next day.”
“She’s a good friend,” I said.
“She’s the best. She doesn’t have it easy. Her mom is a single parent working two jobs. Molly has to help around the house a lot and help take care of the twins whilst finishin’ senior year and holdin’ down a job.”
“It sounds like she’s got a lot on her plate.”
“She has. She’s this outgoin’, impulsive girl who gives off a tough vibe, but inside, she’s just cravin’ someone to see her, really see her.”
“Does she want to go to college?”
“She did, but since her dad left... I’m not sure how she’d pull off college and helpin’ her mom with the twins. The University of Tennessee offered her a place, but she hasn’t accepted it yet.”
“Tell me about when you got sick...”
“You really want to know about that?”
I nodded. We’d talked about it a little, but I knew it was Eva’s darkest part, just as my past was the darkest part of me.
“Scooch over.” She laid down beside me, so we were shoulder to shoulder, under a blanket of stars. “I was a normal teenager, I guess. I hung out with Molly and our friends, cheered our football team on every Friday, played my guitar every chance I got. I was perfectly content with small-town life.
“I went to church every Sunday with my parents, made plans for the future. And then everything changed.” She hesitated, taking a couple of deep breathes. I slipped my hand between us, threading our fingers together.
“I’m right here.”
“Bein’ told you’re goin’ to die is a funny thing.” Eva sucked in a shaky breath. “It’s like a dream. You know there’s some element of truth to it, but you know you’ll wake up at any second and everythin’ will be okay again.”
“I can’t even imagine...” Except I could. Because I’d watched Levi push himself to the brink more times than I could count, wondering if he’d wake up after one of his blowouts.
“I was so angry and confused when I woke up in the hospital, Rafe. I couldn’t understand why I’d been saved. My mom and dad kept callin’ it a miracle, but it didn’t feel like a miracle. It felt like a mistake.”
Pain splintered through me at the honesty behind her words. To imagine a world without Eva was like imagining a world without the sun. Dark and desolate and somewhere I didn’t ever want to be.
“I was supposed to die,” she went on. “Yet I didn’t. I had this pit in my stomach, guilt coiled in my chest. Why me? Why me and not one of the other kids?”
“Cody?” I asked, the pieces finally falling into place.
“How did you—”
“That night at Basement Vibes in Charlotte. You kept crying out his name in your sleep. At the time, I thought it was an ex maybe...”
“You never said anythin’?” Eva peeked over at me.
“I didn’t want to pry, and then everything was happening so quickly with the tour and the band... Us.”
“Cody was only a child, Rafe. He was just ten, but he was one of the strongest people I ever met.” Tears rolled down Eva’s cheeks. “He could draw almost anythin’, his talent was... it was special. But cancer took him. After years of fightin’, of not givin’ up, it just took him.” Her voice trembled. “Cody died and I lived, and I think I’ll always carry a sliver of guilt over that.”
“I’m sorry for your friend, Starshine, I am.” I leaned in, putting us nose to nose, my hand gliding up her neck, slipping into her hair. “But I will never be sorry that you got a second chance. Never.”
Eva
* * *
“Tell me this is real,” I whispered against Rafe’s lips. “Tell me this isn’t all a dream.”
I didn’t think I would ever get used to this. To him being mine. Even after everything, it seemed impossible.
Only, it wasn’t.
“I think that’s my line.” He inched away, his stormy gray eyes stripping me bare. The heat in his gaze turned my blood hot. I glanced around, searching for the familiar black SUV. We were in the middle of nowhere, in a deserted drive-in.
“We’re all alone, Starshine.” Rafe brushed the stray curls out of my eyes. “Peace at last”. He smiled.
“Travis and Fenton are—”
“Close by. But not close enough that you have to worry.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to havin’ a permanent shadow.”