“Really?” Her mouth curved into a smile. “I was terrified of what you’d think.”
“Yet, you were brave enough to submit some of your actual novel. That’s telling.”
Her shoulder rose against me in a small shrug. “No pain, no gain. I thought if you liked it, then maybe I had an actual shot at being a writer.”
“You do. More than a shot,” I affirmed.
“I—” Addison began. “I don’t want you to think I’m here, going to your place, just to get published.”
I, too, had a similar feeling. “And, I don’t want you to think I’m helping with your career, just for sex. I want this to happen, regardless. It seems we’re in a similar place.” Everything inside me wanted to kiss her. I could easily be acting like a teenage boy at the mercy of his hormones, and God knew, mine were raging, but I needed to know this was about two people who wanted each other, and not about a professor and his student.
“I understand,” her hand squeezed mine and she rested her forehead on the side of my neck, her head nestled on my shoulder.
I could think of a number of things that meant that much in reference to this sexy young woman. I could relate to her on a deeper level. I could sense the passion boiling behind her eyes, and her words; I could see that she understood that writing that deep meant baring your soul on the page.
“I’ll help you, no matter your decision tonight.”
Her fingers reached up and moved over the light layer of scruff on my jaw and electricity shot through me. I wanted her hands and her mouth on my body, I wanted to lose myself in her. There was a slight niggling that I might actually give up a piece of myself if we did this, but a moving train wouldn’t stop me if she agreed. We touched each other gently, but the underlying explosion vibrated.
The question hung in the air like the calm before a tornado, my body aching almost to the point of pain. “So, are we doing this, or am I dropping you home?”
Addison eyes locked with mine. “I want to,” she admitted. Her voice was sultry, and her eyes were hooded. “I’m afraid you’ll eat me alive.”
I knew it was probably too soon to ask her to trust me, and if I wasn’t so fucking turned on, I probably would have laughed at her comment; instead I decided to tease. “I prefer the more prone position, and I promise to only eat the good parts.”
“Jaxon,” she almost moaned. “It’s not my body I’m worried about.”
I sighed. Regret surged inside my heart, even as my body urged me onward. “Weren’t you as affected as I was back there in the alley?” I knew by her reaction, she couldn’t deny it and maybe it wasn’t fair of me insisting Addison admit her weakness.
“Yes. That’s why I’m worried. You’re walking sex, and I’m just…. me.”
Suddenly, I understood. For the first time, I felt the soul-deep kind of connection I’d always needed, and my heart sped up that it might be actually be possible with Addison. I was intensely aware that she got me; really got me. I was insane to have her open up to me; to surrender her fear and trust me, but I couldn’t guarantee that given what I wanted to happen between us, that her heart would remain untouched.
“I’m just me, too. I can only tell you I’m as insane to talk to you as I am to touch you,” I whispered, finally giving in to my own confusion. “That has to mean something because it’s new to me.” I leaned in and started kissing her and received an instant response. What started out as slow, gentle, and coaxing soon turned into wild and breathless desperation; both of us fisting in each other’s hair and our mouths slanting across each other’s to deepen the kiss. I wanted to pull her on me to straddle my lap. I wanted to feel the agony of her heat grinding on my cock through our clothes.
“Okay,” was uttered softly and my heart swelled to the point of bursting. She trusted me instinctually, and the realization meant everything.
The short cab ride seemed to dissipate in the time we’d been talking.
“Here we are, sir,” the old cabby’s gruff voice broke into our secluded nirvana.
Addison pulled back at the sound of his words, and the loss I felt was instant. I quickly pulled out a card and swiped it in the machine on the back of the seat, adding a tip.
“Thank you,” I said, reaching for Addison’s hand and opening the door to step out of the vehicle.
Even to me, the skyscraper that housed my apartment was impressive. Marble floors and floor-to-ceiling glass windows lined the lobby. Her eyes glanced upward into the mezzanine where some restaurants and shops lined the second floor. Offices took up a number of floors, reserving the top few for apartments.
“Good evening, Professor Michaels,” the uniformed security guard manning the reception desk said in the seconds after we entered the building. “Miss.” He nodded at Addison and then beamed when she offered a brilliant smile. At least she seemed to have lost some of her fear, though an unfamiliar tightness overtook my chest. The hand not around her fell involuntarily on my shirt over the discomfort.
“Good evening, Charlie,” I returned with a nod. “This way,” I said, pointing to the opposite side of the lobby and guiding her in the general direction of the elevators. I noticed how the security guard’s eyes roamed over Addison’s long length of leg and soft curves expertly showcased by her little black dress. Something inside me wanted to punch him.
“Wow,” Addison said softly. The glittering lights, voices and tinkling of glasses and silverware filtered down to us as I guided her toward the 4 stainless steel elevators. The last one had card access and I pulled it from my pocket and tapped it against the black electronic pad that granted access. Instantly it dinged and opened, always waiting to take residents upstairs. Inside, there were only buttons for the top floors from forty to sixty. I pushed the top one, feeling a bit pretentious about the penthouse for the first time, hoping she wouldn’t see me as some materialistic asshole. I wanted her to see me as real as she was to me. I’d gotten the penthouse after my first major big seller and the second advance came in. It was seven figures, and Gloria had pushed me into it back when I still had stars in my eyes over the entire thing. My naivety was short-lived, both with publishing and with my agent.
We stepped into the elevator and the minute the doors closed I gathered Addison in my arms and resumed the delicious kissing we’d started in the cab. One arm hooked around her waist and pulled her hard against my body, and the other cupped the side of her face as my mouth consumed hers. I felt like I couldn’t get close enough as my tongue plundered and explored the inside of her mouth. I couldn’t wait to get into my apartment before I took her mouth in a punishing kiss.
I wanted to taste her. I wanted to make her moan in ecstasy for hours and hours, and it was humbling and agonizing how much I desired her. But more than that, I didn’t want to scare her or hurt her. All of my instincts were bristling to drown in her softness and take every ounce of pleasure I could from her, but a sense of fierce protectiveness combined with the ravenous hunger I felt for her flesh, her taste, her scent and most of all, her unbridled response. Though I wanted to take my own pleasure, I wanted to give twice as much to Addison, and more than that; I didn’t want to hurt her. Her words pounded in my brain as fully as blood pounded in my veins. I’m afraid you’ll break my heart…