“Big, okay?” I admitted.
Her mouth made a big O, and then she burst into a brilliant smile. “I knew it! You lucky bitch!” she exclaimed with a laugh. “Tell me everything!” Michelle sat back down on the couch and patted the seat next to her. “Every juicy detail!”
“I will, after my bath, okay? But you have to swear to secrecy. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”
“I would guess not! Oh my God, I’m so friggin’ jealous!”
“Well, I’m scared. I slunk away when he was in the other room like a scared rabbit. He might not want anything to do with me again, and I’m not sure I can handle it anyway.”
“Girl, get cleaned up and then you, and I will talk! I want to know everything!”
For the second time this evening, I was running away. This time to hide in the bathroom and linger as long as I could. I wanted to keep the evening to myself and not share it with anyone. Not just because I’d promised the beautiful man who was already important to me, but because, somehow, it would mean more if it was only between Jax and me.
I ran the water and looked in the mirror. “Ugh,” I moaned at my reflection. My hair was a mess, some of the pins I’d used to hold it in the loose upsweep were still clinging to wayward curls here or there, but the rest had been pulled free from their confines. Plus, my face was flushed, and the skin around my chin and mouth was slightly chaffed from his light shadowy beard and my mouth was swollen. I picked the pins out and picked up a brush to comb the tangles free before using am elastic hair tie to pile it back up for my bath.
No wonder Michelle didn’t accept my story. I mean, look at me. It was obvious what I’d been doing for the past couple of hours, and it wasn’t having a leisurely dinner and discussing books. I slipped out of my dress and almost laughed. My panties were ruined. The entire crotch missing and the rest barely clinging in rags from my hips.
Heat seeped into my cheeks. He still had that part he’d fisted around and ripped free. It was hotter than hell at the time. No one had ever made me feel more wanted in their urgent desire, but now, I was embarrassed. I huffed out my mortification as I removed them and my bra, leaving both in a heap on the floor.
What must he think of me? That I was a slut who let men rip my panties off on the first date?
How would I face Jaxon on Monday?
“Well?” Michelle asked eagerly before I had even come through the door I’d just opened from the bathroom. I was wrapped in a towel as I padded across the somewhat worn carpet to the dresser we shared and opened the bottom drawer to pull out a T-shirt and a pair of black spandex shorts; my typical bedtime attire. I was in no hurry to answer her as I dressed. The apartment was much too small for modesty.
“Well, nothing. He’s sexy. We wanted to talk about my manuscript, but it was clear we had chemistry between us. He said he was turned on by my words, and I’ve read a couple of his books and he had the same effect on me. After dinner, we ended up at his place.”
“So, you swooned just like the rest of us,” she said, matter-of-factly.
I was annoyed and went to get a can of Diet Coke from the small refrigerator after I pulled on some socks. “Who wouldn’t? Up close and personal he’s even more devastating.”
“I can imagine,” she said, using the remote to turn off the TV. “How come you sound like your dog died? I’d kill to fuck him.”
“I’m sure you would. Because, Michelle.” I sank down on the couch and put my feet up on the old olive-green trunk we’d purchased at a flea market and used as a coffee table that doubled as much-needed storage. “I’m not an idiot. If I let this go on, I’ll develop feelings. I know myself and it won’t end well for me. My eyes are open. He’s so larger than life, and I’m just… average me.”
“Oh, come off it, Addy! You’re beautiful and talented, and you don’t even know it.”
“Whatever. He is used to sophisticated women, and I’m not.”
She sighed, exasperated. “What’s he like?” She shifted, turning toward me and pulling her knees beneath her.
“Amazing. But how can I trust it?” My heart started to ache. I desperately wanted to trust him. I had when he was with me, but I’d panicked. What if I was just another in a long line of women. “He said he hadn’t done this before, but I don’t know…”
Michelle’s gaze held fast. “Addy, it would have been in the news if he made a habit of dating his students.”
Should I tell her that he wanted me to sign an NDA? Maybe there were several women with NDAs hanging over their heads. I hated that I doubted him, but I couldn’t be stupid, either. I decided to keep that part to myself because to anyone else Jax might come off as an asshole or it would definitely point to more students in his past.
“He’s had a few girlfriends, but not a ton. He dated his agent for a while, and apparently they’re still friends.”
“Doing more research, I see.” Jealousy surged inside me. Why did Michelle’s interest make me feel that way? I didn’t want to. Definitely not.
She closed her eyes, then opened them, blinking at me as if to say yeah, so? “Who wouldn’t? The man is on fire!”
If she only knew.
“Isn’t he?” she persisted. “I told you, I want details!”
“I feel like hell already, Michelle. I ran out on him.”
“What?” she asked incredulously. “Why?”
I stood up impatiently, almost spilling my soda. “Because! I don’t want to fall in love with him and then he moves on and I’m left with nothing!”
“Is that where you really left your purse?” She was way to astute.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I’m dreading Monday.”
Something dawned on her. “Did he demand sex in exchange for helping you publish? That bastard!” She was good at jumping to conclusions.
“Michelle!” I had to make her understand. I shook my head adamantly as I paced back and forth in the small space. “No! In fact, he left it up to me. I was just too weak to resist. I mean… he said all the right things and smelled so good, and then he touched me, and it was over.”
“The man is a god, Addy! No one would blame you! Every woman practically falls over with their legs in the air the minute he walks into the auditorium.”
“Gee, thanks.” I grimaced. “That makes me feel a whole lot better.”
“He could have anyone, and he chose you! Are you missing that? Holy shit! It’s huge!”
I wanted to believe it so badly.
“Speaking of huge, tell me about the sex!”
I couldn’t help but smile at the expectant look on her face. “He fingered me in the alley outside the restaurant,” I blurted.
Her mouth dropped open and she huffed out an incredulous laugh. “Did he make you come?”
I nodded. “Yes,” I said, sinking to the floor with my soda. My body unfurled just remembering. “I can’t explain how hot it was. I just… forgot where I was.”
“Dude, I’m dead,” she said, falling over and burying her face in one of the pillows sitting on the couch and screamed at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t help the laugh that burst from me. Michelle did make me feel better and my mood lifted. She popped up with an anxious face. “Okay, tell me about his dick and how you guys did it. Did you make it to the bedroom?”