I shook my head, and Sol frowned. “Do you think we loved Laura any less than you? Any less than Goliath? Laura was my fucking universe. My best friend. The best thing that had ever happened to me in my shit fucking life. She would absolutely hate the way you two have closed yourself off. She would abhor that you made Dippy cry. She would have kicked your ass repeatedly for how you treat women, G. You need to give yourselves a chance. If not with Serendipity, then with someone else. Because you don’t get to be fucking assholes while Cain and I do what Laura would have wanted and find love again!”
Cain raised an eyebrow at Sol. “Love?”
A slight red tinge lit Solomon’s cheeks. He was fucking blushing. “You know what I mean. Don’t be an asshole.” He straightened his shoulders. “I love you guys. You are my Brothers. My best friends. I have your back ‘til the literal End Of Days. But I want Dippy, if she will have me. I want to see where that goes. Eternity is a long time to be alone.”
With that, Solomon turned and left, closing the door softly behind him.
We all stared at the door for a heartbeat. Then Goliath marched over to it, wrenched it open so hard the doorknob came off in his hands, and stormed away.
Cain sat down heavily opposite me, the table between us. I leaned back and pulled a bottle of Hennesy from the wet bar in the corner of the room. I poured us both a generous splash of booze and slid him the eightball glass.
“As soon as you brought her into my office for the first time, I knew she was going to be trouble for us. That she was going to fucking change everything.”
Cain took a sip of his cognac. “Maybe things needed to be changed.”
I nodded, downing my drink and repouring another. “Maybe you’re right. But I’m fucking scared, Cain. So fucking terrified we won’t be enough to protect her and she’ll die and it’ll be that pain all over again. I can’t do that a second time.”
He nodded, but he was silent. He wasn’t going to lie to me. There was a chance we wouldn’t be enough again. We were better now. More equipped to protect what was ours. But the enemy that wanted to take her was far worse than anything we had ever faced.
I looked at Cain, trying to decipher why he was so damn calm. As if he could read my thoughts, he clinked his glass to mine. “I’m scared too. But she’s worth the risk.”
He downed his drink, and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my what-ifs and guilt.
15
Goliath
I need to beat something. I needed to feel bones crack and flesh give way beneath my fists. I’d jumped on my bike and rode away from the Clubhouse like the actual Hounds of Hell were on my ass.
I rode around the borders of our territory, hoping for some of those Cartel fucks to be edging their way across the line. Then I could pulverize them into the ground again. But everyone seemed to have learned their lesson, or were at fucking Church or who knew fucking what. Not even the freedom of being on my bike, riding too fast was calming the turmoil inside my body.
Cain and Sol and the woman. Disrespecting Laura’s memory like that. Sol was wrong though. I didn’t love Laura. I fucking hated her. I hated her with every dead spot in my soul. Hated the thought of her, the sound of her name, the memories of her that used to haunt my dreams. But more than I hated Laura, I hated myself. Hated this monster that rode shotgun in my body. Hated that I hated everything and everyone.
What I really abhorred though, was that I actually liked how the woman had felt in my arms last night when I’d caught her. That I’d liked her softness against my chest. Thoughts of Laura had been so far from my mind, that I realized I hadn’t thought about the woman who was meant to be my everything in years other than as a catalyst for my darkness.
I roared into the wind, revving my bike, pushing it harder and faster, weaving through traffic and splitting lanes down the freeway.
Cain should have left the woman where he found her. Told the other bitch no. So, I hadn’t been happy before she’d arrived, but I hadn’t been this fucking confused either. I didn’t have that ache in my chest before she arrived.
I drove past a strip mall, and a sign caught my eye. I flung my bike into the entrance of the car park, pulling into a bike spot. I left the keys in the bike. We were still in Damnation territory, and no thieves were stupid enough to steal bikes here. You couldn’t scrap them down fast enough before I’d find them, and then flay you alive for dishonoring my machine like that.
I pulled off my sunglasses and tucked them onto the collar of my shirt. The automatic doors in front of me slid open with a whoosh and I stepped into enemy territory.
The teenager by the door looked at me like she was about to shit herself. “Uh, hi. Welcome to Babyland Kingdom. Uh, do you, uh, need help or somethin’?”
I stared down hard at the girl. “I need maternity clothes.”
“Oh, yeah sure. This way. Um, follow me?” She looked like she was really hoping I’d leave. I wondered if she’d call the cops like the boutique lady had done on Solomon and Cain. Hopefully I could get in and out before that happened.
“So, do you know what size you are after?” The girl squeaked out, and I huffed. I had no fucking idea.
“I don’t know,” I growled, making her jump. I clenched my fists and forced myself to be calm. “Sorry,” I said softly. “I should have checked before I came. This is a waste of time.”
I spun, but the girl made a soft noise. “Wait! We can work it out. It’s okay,” she said gently, and walked to the racks. “Wrap dresses are good. When you get to the later stages, bending down to put your feet in pants is exhausting to even think about,” she winked. “Or so they tell me. Plus you can adjust wrap dresses to whatever you need, and it's a nice soft jersey, see?” She held out a black dress to me, and I obligingly felt the fabric between my fingers.
“I’ll take it. And like ten more things.” The woman needed more shit if I was ever going to get my shirt back.
The girl looked toward the counter. I narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you trying to signal someone to call the cops?” I growled.
The attendant, her name badge said Stephanie, whipped around to me, dropping the dress in her shock. “What? No? Why would I call the cops? Are you thinking about robbing the place? Coz, I gotta tell you, we’ve got like a hundred bucks in the till. Everyone uses card for transactions now.”
My lips curled up. “Nah, I don’t need your money. Sometimes people only see what they wanna see though.” I waved a hand at my tattoos, my cut, my general killer demeanor.
Now Stephanie was over her initial fear of my warm and fuzzy persona, she decided I was no threat. “Pshh. I have six older brothers. Takes more than a nasty scowl to scare me. Okay, well I think you should get one of these knit dresses too. Take a guess at what size your, uh, wife is?” She asked, her question lilting at the end, asking a question within a question. I didn’t bother correcting her. I didn’t think about the reasons for that too hard either.
“I don’t know. She's about your size, maybe a little bonier. She's got hips though, and tits.” I made a weird gesture with my hands to indicate the size, and Stephanie raised a brow. “I said I didn’t know. This is dumb.”