I shrug one shoulder. “To experience it before I settle down. If I settle down.”
“Before. If. It’s not in your immediate future, settling down.”
It’s not really a question but I shake my head anyway. Words lost in my throat.
“But it’s in mine. I’d like to come home to someone. I’d like a family. Sooner rather than later. So if you come back into town six months from now, a year maybe, I don’t think it would be a good idea to look me up. It’s likely we’ll have different lives then—”
“And we can’t just pick up where we left off.” I finish for him.
He stares at the ceiling. “Do you think you’re still going?”
“Yeah,” I whisper before I slide from the bed.
Without looking back, I close myself off in the bathroom and prepare the shower. When I go, there’ll be two bits of my heart I’ll leave behind, one for Will and the other for Brinn. Once under the shower stream, I convince myself that none of the water on my face is from tears.
Eighteen
I have every intention of escaping into a good book, letting go of my reality for a different one. With my legs over the rattan loveseat on my balcony and an iced tea at my ready, I no sooner slide my finger between the cover and first page when my phone chimes a text message.
I am totally giving Brinn a hard time if he is texting me already considering we just got back a few hours ago.
But it’s from Will.
In town. Want to meet up?
My heart clenches. I respond as fast as my fingers can press the screen. I have to.
It’s why I’m still here. Mostly.
Love to! Without car. Come here?
When Brinn and I got back to town, we discovered my car wouldn’t start. So he dropped me off with promises to fix it tomorrow.
How about Chinese restaurant around the corner from your house?
Again, another pang of rejection. He continues to keep me at arm’s length. I try not to take it personally that he seems unwilling to come to my house, other than the first visit. I push it aside and text my answer.
I can be there in 15 minutes.
Great! Us too. CU there.
Us?
I hop off the loveseat and kick my tea over in the process. Righting the glass, I leave the mess for later. A quick glance in the mirror answers my question about being sufficiently presentable, my hair being my only obstacle. Forgoing a braid, I pull it into a high ponytail then check my makeup. I want him to know I’m not the complete train wreck he might think I am. Why else would he keep his distance?
I’m good to go.
After locking up the place, I borrow my landlord’s bike and set out for the restaurant. I arrive in exactly fifteen minutes and Will’s motorcycle is parked out front. A deep breath does nothing to steady my racing heart as I try not to set expectations for this visit, the brother whose counsel, even at my early age of ten, had been a guiding force. He was my Obi-Wan and there is no denying that after he left I succumbed to the dark side. A life designed by my parents, for my parents.
I lean against the stucco wall of the strip mall and give myself a stern lecture.
If Will has no interest in developing a new sibling relationship, I’ll be OK. I’m getting pretty good at going at life alone. Maybe I’ll stay here and build a community of my own. I already have Jayne. And Brinn, maybe.
Once inside, the first person I see is Will. He’s sitting in a booth with a dark-haired girl. She’s petite and beautiful with a heart-shaped face and angled eyes. Her light brown skin is flawless. She wears her hair long like mine, bangle bracelets cover her arms, and Mehandi art decorates her hands. It explains why Will asked so many questions about my henna when we first reconnected.
She leans into my brother and his smile is quick and easy. I watch him say something in her ear then kiss a spot beside it. We’re all grown up, Will and I, and perhaps I expected our new, rebuilt relationship to be similar to our childhood one, which consisted of crazy face making contest and fart jokes. Huge error on my part.
Hesitantly, I move to the booth, not wanting to interrupt a beautiful moment between two people so clearly in love. It’s tiring being the outsider, especially with the one person who gets why I am the way I am because he grew up in the same house as me.
“Hi,” I say, hoping my expression’s light and friendly. It’s not that I’m feeling unfriendly, just unwanted, and I hate myself for being so damn needy.
“Jo.” Will slides out of the booth, a large smile on his face. “Thanks for meeting us on such short notice. This is Daanya. Babe, this is my sister, Josie.” He offers Daanya a hand, helping her from the booth. She takes my extended hand between both of hers, pressing lightly.
“It is wonderful to meet you. Will speaks of you often, and now I finally get to see you in person.” She kisses one cheek and then the other.
“It’s nice to meet you too.” I look at my brother, whose jaw is swinging back and forth. “He mentioned me?”
“So much that I am at an unfair advantage. I know far more about you than you me, I’m sure.” She squeezes my hand again before letting go. Effortlessly, she glides back into the booth. Will gestures for me to sit and I do, letting my shoulders relax a little.
I’ve spent years searching for the Will of my youth, the brother who might give me the answers to all my questions like he did when we were children. But that boy, and frankly, that girl, are gone and before me sits a new opportunity for not one but two new connections.
“I love your henna.” Her hands are covered in a beautiful design of vines and leaves.
“Thanks, I do it myself. I like yours as well.” She gestures to my arms.
“Didn’t I say you’d have a lot in common?” Will asks her as he places an arm around her shoulder.
She laughs softly and reaches behind her to squeeze his arm. “Yes, you did.”
“What brings you to town?” I slide a menu from behind the napkin dispenser and play with the edge.
“Daanya has three days off. She needs a break. Works too hard. We’re spending the night here and going to St. Augustine tomorrow.” Will rests his chin against her head and the swinging motion he does ceases.
“I’m a surgical resident at Shands.” Shands is the large hospital in Gainesville.
I blink in effort to mask my surprise. “Is that how you met?”
Daanya shakes her head slightly and glances at Will. “I’m from Jaipur. That’s where we met. I was home on vacation and he was living there.” She takes my brother’s hand, the one resting on her shoulder, and entwines it with hers.
I craft the pieces together. “That’s the first place you went, Jaipur? When you left?” The breathless fear I’d experienced when Will told me he was leaving to find himself a new life just hours after he was discharged from the hospital revisits me. Back then, I wasn’t sure what was wrong with the old one.
“Yeah, I went to the airport with all the money I could pull together and told the lady at the reservation desk to put me on the first international flight out for under twenty-five hundred dollars. Delhi was the winner. From there I migrated to Jaipur.”
“It’s funny that you should go there. I find myself drawn to that region, the Mehandi art, yoga, and other eastern philosophies.” I grab the tiny thread that could connect us and hold on.