“Oh, look, here comes Kayla. I think she wants in on the action.”
The women chuckle as Kayla, a similar size toddler to Maggie, comes over and squeezes both my neck and Maggie’s, making it a group hug.
Now the waterworks really start. I’m literally eaten up with joy. I could not have imagined a better, more welcoming experience than this. I glance up at the women, tears in my eyes, grinning as they smile at me. I see my joy reflecting back to me in their eyes as they convey to me that I’m okay. That it is okay to be here.
That is all the permission I need. I move to sit on the floor with them and let them crawl up into my lap.
“Is okay, no cry,” Maggie reassures me as she puts both hands on my cheeks and kisses me on the side of my mouth.
Kayla does the same, mimicking Maggie, and places both hands on Maggie’s cheeks, and kisses her, which makes all of us laugh.
I have never been happier in my entire life, ever. I want to stay here forever.
“So, I see we have a cuddle party going on in here.” It is Lex, teasing and chuckling.
“Maybe?” I offer back, laughing at him. My eyes are shining, and I quickly wipe the moisture from them.
Kayla comes in for another hug against my body, and Maggie joins her as they perch on my knees. I squeeze the last bit of happiness out of them before they get up. I know I need to join the others and be one of the adults, but this moment of magic is something I may have needed all my life. It will definitely be one I will savor for all time.
I find myself wondering if this is the way of the world for them. It is hard to trust. I do not know them, I can’t relax and enjoy it, beyond the children, just yet. It is undoubtedly the kind of warmth and connection and camaraderie I have always imagined real families would have.
I stand up, and Lex sweeps me into a bear hug.
“Babies on you is a damn good look.” He grins and winks as my heart flip flops, and I blush. When he sets me down, my hand instinctively goes to my belly, and I know that he cannot understand how important his words are. But he probably just gave me the biggest compliment I have ever had.
I shake my head to clear it. No more tears. I do not want them to see that far into me right now.
“I think everybody is ready to gather at the table. You gals ready, or do you need some more girl time?” Lex’s voice is warm and encouraging. Not one hint of disapproval for not being ready and waiting when the men are ready to start.
“If we have any more girl time, we are going to have a cold dinner.” Jules laughs as she picks up a platter and hands it to me, motioning me in toward the living room where they have set up a big table.
I take the pan from her and head in as everyone else grabs something to bring also.
After I set the platter of scalloped potatoes down on one of the hot pads, I look around, not knowing which chair I should sit in. I turn back to look at Lex and watch as he settles the two girls into their highchairs at a table set up for them at the foot of the table.
“Come on, missy, you are going to sit right here next to me. Place of honor. Lex can sit on the other side of me. He has you all the time, so tonight, you are all mine. That is, if you don’t mind crusty old Miller as your date?”
I grin back at him. “I don’t mind one single, solitary bit, and, in fact, it is an equal honor.” My heart eases, and I feel grateful to be claimed by the family’s leader. For the first time in my life, someone has indicated my consent was needed.
So many details and new experiences are coming at me that I barely gain my footing before a new one occurs. Sometimes they come two or three at a time. It is a lot.
Quickly, more platters of food and people come into the room, and before I know it, everyone is seated. Lily on my left, and Seb beyond her. Lex, Jules, and Rem are across from the three of us, with Pops at the head.
My mouth falls open when I realize Seb and Rem are the two closest to the children and intend to be the ones to watch over them during the meal.
I cannot process this fact.
Men caring for toddlers.
My eyes widen, and all color must have drained from my face because Pops pats me on the hand and draws my attention away from them as he leans in for a conspiratorial whisper.
“This week, the girls cooked, so the guys have baby duty.”
I shake my head and look across to Lex, unable to believe what I’m hearing.
“Yep,” he nods, “even me.”
It feels as if I have entered a surreal, alternate reality.
As the evening rolls on, the surprises continue, making it nearly impossible to believe all of this is real.
“I would like to propose a toast.” Seb clinks his fork against his wine glass for our attention and looks around the table. Once he has it, he lifts the glass and stands. “I want to acknowledge someone very special tonight. Someone who took a risk, which I expect to pay off in droves.”
I look at Lex as I join everyone in holding my glass up. He winks at me, which causes my face to redden, feeling certain Seb is about to acknowledge me as their dinner guest.
“This person is insightful, growing in greater awareness every day, gorgeous without a doubt,” the group laughs as they look at me, “and most possibly, the smartest person at this table–which has likely gone unacknowledged for far too long.”
Now I am confused. Surely, all of those accolades could not be for me, right? I look at Lex and Seb and several others at the table to see if they understand what is going on. Lily pets my leg reassuringly, reinforcing that I am to be the focal point of the toast.
“So, without further ado, please toast…myself–yours truly, who had the keen and amazing foresight to coerce, cajole, and blackmail Lex into bringing Jude tonight.”
The entire room riotously cracks up, with Pops leaning back to rub his jostling belly, and shouts going around all over the place.
“Here, here!”
“Yes, to Seb!”
“Just brilliant, man!”
I laugh with them, enjoying their easy banter and the camaraderie, and the fact that Pops is laughing so hard he is crying and pulling out a hankie to wipe his eyes. But on the inside, I’m deeply hurt by what he said. He made Lex bring me?
Does that mean Lex didn’t want me here?
I force the thought away, not wanting to think about that. This night has been amazing. I don’t want to let my insecurities ruin it.
Maggie and Kayla are even getting in on the action as they pound their sippy cups on their table and watch us.
It is a perfect, perfect moment, and another one that rips open my heart a little more.
17
Lex
Coming up behind Jude, who is standing on the back porch, I grab her waist and lean into her. “I’m glad you are having a good time,” I whisper into the shell of her ear, feeling her body shiver. She turns in my hold and surprises the crap out of me when she plants a kiss on my lips. It’s soul-searing, warmth, and joy. Her arms snake around my neck, pulling me close, but I still feel like it’s not close enough. I don’t want there to be anything between us.
By the time we come up from the kiss, we’re both breathless. Jude’s eyes rake over my face, and a bubble of laughter falls from her lips. “Sorry, I got some lipstick on you.”
“Don’t ever be sorry for kissing me. I’ll be right back.”