“Come on, man, you’re going to kill him.” That voice, that thick manly voice. Every thought and fear, every inch of my body clamps up at that voice. I’ve dreamt about it for weeks, seen his face in my mind, and hoped and prayed maybe our paths would cross again, but never did I expect our reunion to be like this.
Tugging his friend off the beaten man, Lex straightens, whispering something into his friend’s ear. Then as if he can sense my eyes on him, he looks over his shoulder one way and then the other way before his gaze collides with mine.
Even from a distance, I can see recognition take hold. Oh god. Fear slithers up my spine, sinking its claws deep into my skin. What happened to the kind man I met? The one that promised to protect me? Shivering, I take a step back. Lex’s friend notices me then, and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate. I’m back there, my father’s belt landing against my skin like a branding iron.
Shaking the memory away, I make it all of two steps before Lex is heading for me. I’m confused, my thoughts on everything I knew about him tainted by what I’d just seen. Was it all a lie? Lex’s footsteps eat up the distance between us, and before I can turn to run, he’s on me.
Numerous emotions seem to flicker across his face before he settles on something that looks like relief.
“Jude!” he says my name like it’s a prayer. “What are you doing here?”
“I…” What am I going to say?
Did I just witness something I shouldn’t have? Is he going to hurt me now? I don’t know if I should run or scream, but I guess what I want doesn’t matter because Lex grabs onto my hand and starts pulling me in the opposite direction of where I want to go.
Attempting to tug my hand from his grasp does me no good, and causes him to tighten his hold. Digging my feet into the concrete, I try again, but it’s like trying to move a mountain. Hopelessly, I let him drag me wherever he wants, deciding that as soon as he releases me, I’ll run.
My eyes drop down to his hand, the one holding mine, and I see blood there. I feel dizzy, lost. This can’t possibly be the same man that made love to me, that saved me from a future of abuse and pain. It can’t be. That man was kind and never would’ve laid a hand on anyone.
Caught in my thoughts, I don’t realize we’ve reached his truck until I hear it unlocking. Walking to the passenger side door, Lex opens it and releases my hand. Now’s my chance to escape, to run. And that would be easy to do if Lex didn’t lift his hand and gently cup my cheek at that exact instant.
His green eyes bleed into mine. “I’m not going to hurt you, Jude. You don’t have anything to be worried about. The softness of his voice calls to me, but one look at his bloody knuckles, and I’m reminded of what he did.
“Did you… kill him?” The words are hard to get past my trembling lips.
Something like regret flickers in his eyes, and I barely catch it as he looks away. “It was a mistake. Look, come with me for a bit.”
Shaking my head, I part my lips to say no, but Lex doesn’t listen, and his hands are on my hips, lifting me into the seat of his truck. The door closes, trapping me inside, and it’s like the walls are closing in on me. He said he’s not going to hurt me, but he was hurting that man. There is blood on his hands.
“You’re shaking,” Lex states the obvious as he slides into his seat and starts the truck. The blood in my veins moves like sludge in a pipe. “It’s okay, Jude. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. That’s not me. What you saw.”
His hand reaches for me, but I cringe away. “No. Please, don’t,” I whimper, leaning against the door and as far away from him as I can get.
Anger floods his face, and he pulls his hand back, strangling the steering wheel with his grip. I try and gather my thoughts as he drives us to his apartment. I can walk back to campus when we get there. I walk everywhere as it is. It’s not a big deal. All that matters is I put some distance between us. I thought when I gave myself to him, he was someone special.
Now I feel duped.
Remaining against the door, I do my best to get my erratic breathing and fear under control. He hasn’t hurt you yet. When we pull up to his house, I’m brought back to that night six weeks ago.
How kind he was.
How he offered me food and shelter.
How he held me after taking my virginity.
It seems like a lifetime ago now.
The sound of the car door opening and closing draws me back to the present, and I grab the door handle and shove it open. I have to get away. I jump from the truck, my feet landing harshly against the grass.
“What the hell are you doing?” he growls, and I shove against his chest as I come to stand. I’m frantic, looking for any exit I can find. He’s not going to hurt me or keep me captive. I refuse to be a victim ever again.
Shock overtakes his features, but as soon as he takes a step back, I dart around him and start running. My shoes slap against the sidewalk as I run, my lungs burning, my heart racing. Don’t look back, keep running.
Like a storm, Lex barrels down the sidewalk after me. Pumping my legs faster, I clench my fist, ready to punch him if he touches me. I make it to the edge of the sidewalk before one of his thick tree trunk arms circles my waist. Tugging me to his chest, he uses his other arm to trap me against him and lifts me in a bear hug, walking back toward his house.
“Let me go. I won’t be a victim. I won’t let you hurt me.” I start to cry, feeling the treacherous tears on my cheeks.
Lex easily unlocks the front door and carries me into the house, his breath not even labored with the effort. Then as fast as he grabbed me, he releases me. Landing on my feet, I wince at the impact as it vibrates through my legs.
Swallowing down my fear, I take a chance, looking up at him. His brows are drawn together, his handsome face filled with annoyance, that sharp jaw of his clenched tight. I’m tempted to touch it, but make a fist, digging my nails into the palm of my hand. Touching him will only encourage him to touch me, and that’s the last thing I want.
Preparing for him to start giving me every excuse under the sun, I’m shocked when he starts speaking.
Placing his hands on his hips, he looks down at me. “Why did you leave? I thought we had a good time, and then you just disappeared.”
“What?” I croak, completely taken back. I just saw him beating a man, and now he wants to talk about what we did, the night we shared, and how I left. Shaking my head, I will him and his question away.
“You heard me, Jude. Why did you leave? Where did you go?”
“N-no… I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to do this.” Wrapping my arms around myself, I sink down onto the sofa and bring my knees to my chest.
It was all a lie. Lex is just as bad as my father. He’s violent and mean. A fraud. He made me believe in some falsehood, made me believe he was a good person, but like all the others in my life, he’s evil on the inside and nice on the out.
Sinking down onto the couch beside me, he watches me with worry. “You remember my promise? How I told you I would keep you safe?”
I remember it well, and I reminded myself of it every single day. It’s what kept me going, it’s the reason I didn’t completely turn in on myself when my father beat me until I was nothing but a shell of myself after I returned home.