I bit down on my lip.
A strangled noise came from him, his fist cracking into the bag.
“I’m going to kill him,” he seethed, hitting the bag again before circling to look at me. “He’ll wish the stroke took him this time. Bloody wanker…”
I couldn’t ease Lennox’s anger because I felt it too. William would have assaulted me if the stroke hadn’t happened and stopped him. He didn’t deserve sympathy because he was in a hospital bed tonight.
“Kill him after I talk to him.”
“What?” Lennox blinked at me, indignation radiating off him as he paced in circles. “There’s no way you are going to see him again! We will find the money for the loan somewhere else. I will figure something out.”
“You can’t even afford to pay for Gracie’s care.” I got off the bed, getting in his path, my hand laying on his, trying to calm him. “This is my family’s problem, you have enough to deal with.”
“I will not let you near a fucking rapist.” His nose flared.
“Hey.” I threaded my hands with his. “He can’t do anything to me anymore. I will be fine.”
“Your father and uncle should be dealing with this, not you. Why do you need to go?” His fingers unconsciously squeezed mine.
“It isn’t the loan I want to talk to him about.”
Lennox’s brows furrowed.
Dropping his hands, I went over to my coat, pulling out the pictures.
“I found these in the mess scattered over the floor from his desk.” I took a deep breath, handing the stack of old snapshots to him. Puzzlement flickered on his features, his gaze dropping down to the photos. He slowly flipped through each one, analyzing the faces. His eyes darted to mine.
“The woman he’s with…” I tapped at her face, swallowing back the truth. “That’s my aunt Lauren, about twenty years ago.”
I could see it click, what I still wanted to deny.
“Please tell me I’m wrong,” I croaked, begging. “That I’m seeing something that’s not there…please.”
“I can’t,” he muttered. He had been around Landen enough to recognize what I did.
“Fuck.” A garbled cry broke out of my chest, feeling the pain this will cause my family—will cause Landen. He may not like his father, but finding out his father is actually Lord William was even worse. The truth would break him.
Landen was everything to me. Knowing I held information that might destroy him finally cracked me. Sobs bubbled up my throat, the dam shattering, my tears flowing.
“I don’t know what to do. With Landen. Theo. My family.” Everything felt too much, too heavy.
Lennox pulled me in, wrapping me in his arms, keeping me tethered. Anchored.
Saving me from drowning under it all.
Chapter 13
Lennox held me until there was nothing left, letting me release everything I had been keeping in. I hadn’t even let myself face the bombing. Because I physically was all right, I felt everyone, including myself, thought I should be fine. Over it. But I was still processing the stress my body experienced, the relief, fear, and guilt of living. There were sinister what-ifs constantly plaguing the back of my mind.
And Lord William would have hurt me earlier. It was only a twist of fate that stopped it. Again, because it didn’t actually happen, my brain kept telling me I should be over it. Stop being so dramatic. It all kept piling on until I caved underneath.
“Sorry,” I muttered into his damp t-shirt, pulling away, wiping at my eyes.
“Don’t ever apologize. Not to me. And certainly not for that.” His hand cupped my face gently. “I don’t think you realize how strong and unbelievable you are.”
“Yeah.” I snorted, motioning to his tear-stained shirt. “Clearly.”
“Spence.” He turned my blotchy face up to his, his jaw setting with seriousness. “Do you get that most people couldn’t even take half the shite you’ve had to face already? Just three days ago, you were in a terrorist bombing. Almost died. Your entire family’s future was put on your shoulders. You’ve been blackmailed, assaulted, and you’re a constant pincushion for the world to shred apart and criticize because tearing you down makes them feel better about their little lives.”
“They can have it.” I scrubbed at my face with my sleeve, breaking away from him. How quickly after we let down our guard did we pull it back up to shield ourselves again. “All those who think being a princess is so glamourous and such a fantasy are welcome to it.”
His heavy gaze stayed on me, but I couldn’t look back, feeling raw, like I had been skinned alive.
“Come here,” he demanded. I shifted my eyes to him. He curled his fingers, beckoning me to him. Exhausted and depleted, I didn’t fight and shuffled back to him.
He grabbed the hem of my sweater, pulling it over my head. He moved with intention, but gently, his gaze trained on me. Leaning over, he swiped the worn t-shirt off his bed, pushing it over my head. I put my arms through, letting him dress me. His knuckles skated down my ribs as he drew the fabric down, the soft cotton and his masculine smell wrapping around me like a protective bubble. Soft. Safe. His focus didn’t shift from my eyes as he unzipped my jeans, dragging them down my legs. His fingers wrapped around my calf, helping me step out of them.
Not a sound was uttered when he tugged the covers down, and I crawled into his huge bed, the mattress instantly engulfing me in a hug. The swish of material turned me on my side to face him, watching him undress. I couldn’t help the slight intake of breath when he flung his shirt to the ground, the image of his ripped torso branding itself in my mind. He stripped down to his boxer briefs, heat flaming through me.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he growled, turning off the lights, crawling in next to me.
“Why?” I inched closer, my hand skimming his chest. He was so close, his breath and heat tantalizing me. The city lights decorated for the holidays glowed through the windows, lighting up his hazel eyes.
“Because.” He clutched my hip, rolling me to my other side, facing away from him, his arm wrapping around my middle tightly, tucking into the back of me. “You need to sleep, and if you keep your eyes on me like that, you won’t be getting any.”
I sucked in, my thighs clenching at his claim. I did need to sleep. I had barely slept in the last week, but being near him kept the monster he woke needy and wanting.
He snuggled into me, his palm curling under the shirt, spreading over my bare stomach. “Close your eyes.”
“Right.” I let out a clipped laugh. Did he not understand that just being in the same room had me achy and yearning? I was pressed against him with his hand touching me, and he expected me to sleep?
“Relax,” he muttered in my ear.
Exhaling, I tried to ease the tension in my body. The warmth and security of him around me quickly loosened my muscles like a warm bath, though my mind still flicked around, avoiding the big issues, landing on things I shouldn’t be fussing about.
Except I was.
“What?” He sighed.
“What, what?”
“Remember, I’m a trained op.” He nuzzled my ear. “I can hear the thoughts buzzing in your head.”