“It’s not about Ryan,” I add to appease her.
She shakes her head as if to tell me she doesn’t want to hear any of it, but I know her too well not to see how relived she is now. Luke’s eyes find mine, and I can read the worry on his face. I knew fucking him would change things between us. That’s exactly what I didn’t want. I don’t want people to worry about me. I’m a big boy and I’ve been so for twenty years. I don’t need anybody. I rely only on myself.
I fish my phone out of my pocket and send Luke a text.
Me: Please don’t look at me like that. That’s exactly what I don’t want.
His phone vibrates on the table. I send him a pointed look so he knows I’m the one texting him and I want him to read the text now. After reading my message, Luke frowns, apparently not understanding me. I sigh and text him again to explain.
Me: You’re worried about me. I’m fine. It’s not because we fucked that you should care about my feelings. I’ll deal with my shit.
Luke looks at me and shakes his hand before typing his reply.
Luke: I’m not worried about you because we fucked, dickhead. I’m worried because we’re friends and something is bothering you. No wonder they’re all so self-centered in this group. Did you ever share what’s going on in that head of yours with them?
Luke pockets his phone and stands, ending our conversation without me being able to answer. He walks toward Julie and says something in her ear that makes her laugh while rubbing her humongous belly. She should give birth any day now. Not that I’ve counted. I’m just aware of how their schedule had to change and what needed to be organized for the birth. I’m still eyeing them when Ian comes closer to me.
“You’d tell me if you’d fucked Luke, right?” he whispers.
“Where is that coming from?”
“I don’t know, the vibe you two give, I guess.” He shrugs. The Porters shrug a lot. It’s a family trait.
“I wouldn’t tell you because you would tell Julie and then it would be in the open, like you told everybody about Ryan.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t gossip so much if you would tell us something about yourself from time to time,” he says.
“Ian,” Virginia warns from the other side of the couch, her crutches propped next to her. The car accident she was in with Ryan left her with a broken femur and months of PT. “Not on his birthday.”
“Yes, Mom,” Ian answers jokingly.
It’s not the first time Virginia’s used her mom voice on her brother. I know it annoys him, but I let her do so because it amuses me to see Ian with his pants in a twist. Julie and Luke continue whispering, sending some side glances toward me. I can feel my patience running thin, and I know I need to move.
“Okay, guys, thank you for the beautiful evening, very touched you did not forget my birthday, but I need to get home, finish up some work, and sleep because I’m tired as fuck.”
Julie giggles and glances at Luke. I know she knows. I send a murderous look at Luke, who winks in response. Julie elbows him in the ribs. Luke telling Julie means that Ian will know as soon as we leave. I’ll get fifteen minutes of peace before he’s whining that I didn’t tell him and blah blah blah. Hearing him out and convincing him I trust him will take precious hours of my time. I need to come clean before he throws one of his tantrums.
“Ian, can you walk me to my car?”
He obliges, used to my harsh tone and demands.
“Who’s driving Virge home?” I ask, once we’re outside.
“I’ll do it. She’s still pissed at you for being Ryan’s guy outside of rehab. I’m sure she thought he would ask her. She’s hurt.”
“She’s in love.”
His eyes go wide. He can be so clueless, it’s cute.
“Why do you think she went all teeth-out at your wedding? Seriously, Ian.”
Ian, Virginia, and I had an argument during his wedding reception a few weeks ago, when I had to tell Virginia I had been working on blocking stories from breaking in the press about a confrontation that Ryan had when he ran into his mother in San Francisco. Ian snapped at us. Virginia and I blew him off. A couple of days later, Virginia was in a car accident. We haven’t spoken about it since.
“Why did you defend him at my wedding?”
“Because she loves him. You know all I do is for the sake of both of you.”
“Yeah, I know… I’m sorry for what I said that day. I was blinded by jealousy, once again.”
I nod. “I know. I’m your friend, but you know I’m also hers. Now that you have Julie and a baby on the way, someone has to take care of Virge.”
“What do you do for yourself though?”
“I had phenomenal sex last night.”
“With?” He smiles.
“Luke.” I cringe. “But don’t make a big deal about it. I was drunk, I asked him to blow me, and he did. We fucked but nothing has changed between us. Please don’t blab to your sister or your wife. I’ll be back humping random youngsters next week, and I’ll forget everything soon enough. I suggest you do the same.”
At least, I hope I’ll forget soon enough, because when he touched my hand earlier, I had trouble controlling my dick. And as I said, I need to control everything, even my erections. I don’t get a boner when I shouldn’t. I don’t get aroused during a friends’ gathering. I don’t get horny looking at someone’s eyes. I get hard when I want to. Luke has become a challenge to my willpower.
“Dex, it was obvious when you were in the same room. There’s an energy between you two that didn’t exist last time you were together. A bit like Ryan and Virginia. When they sat together at the restaurant last month, it was unmistakable something had happened and that something would. It was the same thing tonight.”
I scoff at my best friend. “Right. Luke is my happily ever after.”
“You never know, bro.” He shrugs.
I walk away and get in my car, trying to forget what Ian said. I have no time to feel anything for anybody and even less for a six-foot-four, bearded, tattooed, dark blond man with a piercing on his brow. Not my jam.
I live only ten minutes away from Ian and Julie’s Beverly Hills home. My penthouse could be described as the quintessence of Art Deco. Seven bedrooms, six-hundred-square-feet of outdoor terraces above the city, in one of Los Angeles's most esteemed luxury buildings.
I hate it.
But it’s close to my work and showed my mother how successful I was without her in my life. I have mommy issues. Sue me.
It’s also close to Virginia and her coffee shop, the Black Heart. It was convenient for the times when my nephew was coming to visit when he was younger.
I’ve lived here for ten years and regret every minute of it. Tonight is no different. I sit on my couch with a stack of files to go through, but I can’t focus on any legal jargon I read. I’m going to need to replace my sofa if I continue replaying every image of the night before. Luke between my legs, his brown eyes filled with lust, his beard kissing the inside of my thigh, his hand caressing my balls, his raspy voice haunting me. “How do you like it, little prince? Hard and deep or soft and slow?”
Frustrated and horny, I open the latest trendy app for hookups and search for the closest guy ready to get fucked. If I can’t get my night with Luke out of my head, I can at least try to get someone else’s mouth around my dick.