When the messages stopped, I told myself I had lost her. She had let me go and I deserved to lose her. I hurt her in unmeasurable ways and I didn’t deserve the way she continued to put herself out there, not wanting to let me go. I thought she had and maybe I still have lost her, but hearing her say she still trusts me, even when I know I don’t deserve it, means more to me than I could ever put into words.
Reaching up, my hand folds over hers. Holding her small hand out in front of me, I press a soft kiss against the palm of her hand. I hear her breath hitch, not expecting the move, but I don’t let it stop me as I kiss down her palm to her wrist as her hand presses against my cheek.
For a moment, I close my eyes and soak in the feeling of her hand again in the same way I held onto her words. We sit like this for a few minutes. No sound, no words. Just the peace of having her next to me again filling the silence between us.
When I finally work up the courage to open my eyes, I’m surprised when I see the tears filling the brim of her eye.
“Halle,” I say, turning in my seat to face her. I hate seeing her cry. It physically pains me to see her anything but happy.
“No, it’s okay.” She waves me off, as she runs her finger underneath the edge of her eye, avoiding eye contact with me.
“I should head inside. It’s been a long day and I’m exhausted,” she says, looking back at me. She puts a smile on, but I know better than to believe it. It doesn’t meet her eyes and I know she’s just forcing it, doing her best to fight off the urge to show any emotions.
I want to push her on it. I want to beg her to stay here, with me. I want to change the subject and promise her it will be different, but I can also see the fatigue in her eyes. The exhaustion that’s weighing on her, so I decide against it.
It’s not the time or place. I don’t deserve for her to give me a second more of her time, even if I’m a selfish, greedy bastard who wants to soak up her sun and bask in it.
“Alright,” I say, sitting forward to turn off the ignition.
“You don’t have to get out. I can see myself inside. Thank you for the ride and making sure I was okay.”
“Of course,” I say, reluctantly.
The edge of her mouth curves into a small smile as she reaches forward to grab her purse, pulling the keys out and clutches them in her hand.
She mutters out a soft “goodnight” as she slips out of the passenger seat and shuts the door behind her. As soon as she’s gone, I feel like all the air is sucked out of me and I’m left feeling deflated.
I watch her toned legs eat up the distance, taking her further away from me. My eyes don’t leave her as she climbs up the stairs. She turns back to see if I’m still here and when she spots me watching her, she raises her hand in a small wave before sticking the key in her door and disappearing inside.
It hits me how much things have changed between us over the years. I hate how different this feels. This isn’t who we are, how things were supposed to be. Regardless, I know there is no one to blame for this but myself.
Turning the key in the ignition, I shift the gear into drive and head for home. I force myself to remember why I made the decisions I have, and, in the end, I know Halle is better off without me.
For those few minutes though, I let myself wish it were different.
9
Halle
* * *
Clicking the turn signal, I pull onto the gravel road that winds down to Callum and Ellie’s house. Wes got an RV for us to drive to Chicago where we’ll spend the weekend celebrating their upcoming wedding.
I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking about this trip. On one hand, I’m thrilled to spend the weekend with my friends, but then on the other, I’ve been lost in thought about what it will be like to be in Chicago. In the city Graham escaped to when life got to be too tough.
When he gave up on us and decided I wasn’t worth it anymore.
Callum and Ellie originally met when they were boarding a bus, traveling back home from Chicago. Callum had spent the weekend visiting his brother, Mason, and was coming back home to Arbor Creek.
Ellie grew up living in a small town, Garwood, outside of Chicago. Ellie didn’t have it easy. She boarded a bus, moving to Arbor Creek, and moved into a house Kinsley’s grandfather was renting out at the time. We’ve heard the story countless times of how she was boarding the bus and fell into Callum. He loves to talk about how he swept her off her feet.
Pulling up in front of their house, their driveway is bustling with people. Mason and Brea are here, unloading his truck with their bags. Brannon and Dean are standing in the front yard, laughing about something. I hadn’t expected to see Dean here, considering he lives in Chicago, but he must’ve been visiting.
Parking next to Mason, I check my appearance in the rearview mirror. I was fully expecting to see Graham here, but by the looks of things, he’s not here. There’s a small knot in my stomach forming at the thought of him not coming this weekend.
That thought is quickly pushed out of my mind when I hear the deep rumble of a pickup truck pull up beside me.
Glancing over, my heart starts to come back to life as I take in the profile of his handsome face. He’s wearing aviator sunglasses and a black fitted T-shirt.
“Damn it,” I mutter to myself.
I’ve gone to war in my head over the thought of going to Chicago. I hate everything about big cities and the thought of going here leaves me frustrated. Looking at him and how delicious he looks, I am even more frustrated. Not just the sexual kind.
“You can do this, Halle. You have a plan and you’re going to execute it to perfection.”
Turning back to the rearview mirror, I untwist the cap to my lip gloss and expertly apply the shimmer over my lips before rubbing them together. Fixing a few strands of my hair, I slide the lip gloss back into my purse and push open the door.
The last two times Graham and I have been around each other, I could tell how hard it is for him to stay away from me. There’s a familiarity there between us. Even though he’s fighting against it, I can see he’s struggling to keep his distance.
The plan for this weekend is to remind him of what he let go of when he left me. I want to drive him so crazy he lets go of the control he’s been holding onto and gives into what I know he’s been missing.
As soon as I step out of the car, I spot Brea over the hood of my car. Her long brown hair is wrapped in a messy bun sitting on the top of her head. Her eyes always stand out like crystals with her long eyelashes.
I pop the trunk and begin pulling out my suitcase.
“You need any help?” Brea asks, her voice full of excitement.
Once she’s standing close enough to me, her voice drops down low enough so only I can hear her. “You’re doing it, aren’t you? Hals, you’re dressed to fucking kill right now. When he sees your legs, he’s going to be falling all over himself.”
Brea chuckles, her laughs start carrying on. “I can just picture him now. Oh, God, this is going to be good.”
“You’re damn fucking right I’m doing it.” I smile, wiggling my eyebrows up and down. “He thought he could come back to town lookin’ like a fucking snack and thought I wasn’t going to want some. Try again. I’m not going to be the one to give in though. Nope,” I say with the pop. “Not happening. He walked away and gave up on me. It’ll be him who will be crawling back to me, not the other way around.”