* * *
I stare at the door as it opens automatically at the request of the button on my remote. I had no feelings about being back here and beyond that, I had no idea whether that was a normal way to feel or not. My life had been here, my job, my friends, the home I had made after I had left Fosford. The car creaks on the right-hand turn into the garage as it bumps over the curbing. The idle of the car vibrates off the naked cement walls, humming it’s very own metallic song.
I cut the engine just as my mobile phone starts to chime, it’s a giddy tone, even after all this time I still had the song Daisy had programmed in as my ringtone when I’d first got it. She’d said it sounded like happy clown music and it made her giggle. It reminded me of that unbridled melody that was her laughter and it caused my heart to squeeze involuntarily every time.
The slight tense of pain in my chest although now not unexpected, it was always tentatively welcome because it was my constant reminder of her.
“Trent.”
“Hey, Ollie. I was checking in to see if you were back in the big smoke. Thought you might want to grab a pint or two down here at the Drunken Octopus?” His voice was hopeful and to be honest, it kind of irritated me, I was in a foul mood and I acknowledge that but I was in no mood for company or to fake that his suggestion was a good idea.
“I’m wiped, I’ve just spent hours on the road, all I want is a shower, something to eat and bed.” It was the truth, I wanted to climb under the covers of my oversized bed and sleep until tomorrow was over. I hear his sigh through the phone,
“Okay, Ol, I’ll grab a six-pack and then I’ll be home.”
“No, seriously, I’m going to hit the sack.” I can hear the background noise of the bar, I recognise some of the other voices, Trent is at the local cop bar with some of the other guys from our unit. His voice is hushed and the noise dulls to a muted roar.
“Mate, you know we’re all here for you right? If you need anything, you’ll sing out?”
“You don’t want to hear me sing but thanks, I get what you mean.” I end the call and climb from the cab of my ute. My whole body aches from exhaustion, holding the same position for hours is not new to me, it comes with the nature of my work, if it were just my muscles that were aching I could suck it up, take a cold shower and ice them but this was above and beyond anything muscular. It felt like everything in me was subject to some sort of niggle in one way or another. I wish a cold pack could ease the aches of my heart and my soul.
* * *
After stripping the bed I lay fresh sheets down. It had always helped with a good night’s sleep when I was a kid so anything was worth a try. Climbing into bed, my thoughts wander to Daisy. I was already having withdrawals from seeing her and I wondered if she’d been looking for me at the end of her day. The ten minutes I saw her had become the highlight of my day, balm for the frustrations and anger that swirls inside of me on a regular basis. For now, those few minutes a day was all the sunshine I needed to break through the looming dark clouds but soon it wouldn’t be enough and I needed to come up with a plan to gain her forgiveness and to fall back in love with me. I needed Daisy’s light like I needed the air in my lungs to survive. I miss the way she once looked at me, like it was the sound of a hummingbird beating its wings or nectar of a spring blossom to a bee. She made me feel so much in just one look, as if she could see into the depths of my soul. She had known me better than anyone else, including Ginny, who’d taken my life in her hands every time we pulled on our battle armour as we used to call it, when suiting up for a mission. The difference between Ginny and Daisy, Ginny I trusted with my life, Daisy I had trusted with my heart. They both had the power to end me. Daisy still did but she didn’t even know it. I surrender to the heaviness of my eyelids, as they flutter closed.
* * *
Panting, I wake in a sweat. Sitting up, I swallow deep gulps of air, feeling as they burn in my lungs. Her eyes had again jolted me from sleep. Emerald green. Piercing me. Ginny.
She was scared and I couldn’t do anything to reassure her, I repeated over and over that it was going to be okay when we both knew my words were a lie. Her limp body lay against my rigid one; her head was resting against my chest and even in the moments before death would take her we were complete opposites.
She had tried to talk to me, I had told her to save her breath but she had insisted I just shut up and listened to her, she was always bossy like that and even though I pretended to be pissed off about it I had always respected her for the determination and low bullshit tolerance she had always had. Her words had come out breathless and gargled as the blood had started to seep inside her. I still remember the vibrations of her words as I kept the pressure on the bullet hole in her neck.
“Ollie, I need you to listen. I need you to tell my family I love them.”
“C’mon, Gin, you know I don’t do that mushy shit. You can tell them yourself.”
“Don’t be an arsehole, Ol. We both know it doesn’t look good for me right now. Please let them know. Promise me. Please.”
“I will. I promise.” Planting a kiss to her forehead I continue to hold her tight. She coughs and blood escapes from her mouth running a little river down over her bottom lip. “WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MEDICS?” I scream until my voice is hoarse and my throat is burning. “Hang in there, Gin. It won’t be long and we’ll have you patched up as good as new.” She looks up at me again, the fear that was once there is replaced by only sadness. “Come on, Gin, you need to hang on, you only just got me trained the way you wanted, don’t go wasting it now.”
“Ollie, I love you. You’re like a brother. Don’t be sad.” More blood splatters as she coughs, my fingers now have thick sticky claret seeping through them as if it is her life slipping between my fingers. Wrapping her hand around my other one she softly squeezes. Her hand felt cold and was pale in mine, small in comparison but heavier than I expected. “I want you to be happy in life, Ollie. You’re the best arsehole I know and you deserve it.” The corners of her blood smeared lips lift slightly. I hear the heavy footsteps closing in on us, raising my pistol in the direction ready to take the shot. Relief floods me when I see two squad members escorting a paramedic through to our location. Just in time. Thank fuck!
“You need to help her, she’s been shot.” The panic in my voice sounds like it echoes off the smudged and dirty barren walls. The stony face medic crouches down in front of us, not once does he make eye contact with me. Instead, he lifts Ginny’s eyelids one at a time, first the left and then the right. Through his white latex gloves, I can see that his hand is a pasty white with sunspots covering it. Moving backward, he rolls back on his heels before speaking into the radio secured on his lapel.
“Dispatch, we have a Nine-Bravo on scene.” A crackle comes across the airwaves as the reply.
“Nine-Bravo. Copy that. No further assistance required.” I had been involved in enough incidents to know what the medical code was for deceased on scene. They have it wrong. Ginny is going to be okay if they would just get their arses moving and get her down to the rig.
“She needs your fucking help. You haven’t even tried to save her for fuck sake.” Sliding Ginny’s body off of mine I move around to the side of her and start compressions. “Come on, Ginny. Come back to me,” I continue to pound on her chest, “It isn’t your time, Gin. Breath.” A hand comes to rest heavily on my shoulder. The words I hear come out as a dark rumble, “She’s gone, Oliver.”