“Katie,” he leans forward, his features softening, which is not what I expected. “I understand that you still love Eric. I expect you always will. I’m not asking to replace him, sweetheart. I’m just asking for you to give us a chance and see where it goes.”
“I know. I know that,” I’m nodding.
“But you’re still not ready.”
I shake my head no.
“Will you ever come back?” he swallows hard and so do I.
“I don’t know, Ryan. I’d love to say yes. I’d love to tell you that my world will all make sense again in a matter of weeks and that we’ll live happily ever after, but I can’t make that promise, and I can’t ask you to wait for me while I work out my fucked up mind.”
“And if I want to wait for you?”
“Ryan—”
“No, Katie,” he snaps, interrupting me. “Don’t you think that’s my choice? Don’t you think I should get to choose who to love and how to do it?”
“No one chooses who they love.”
“Ah. So you wish you didn’t love me? Is that what you’re saying?” He places his forearms on the table, resting his chest on top of them and killing me with his eyes. “I’m an inconvenience to you and this little voyage of emotional discovery you’ve set yourself on?”
I can’t take this anymore. I just fucking can’t.
Getting up, I walk around the table, and as I approach him, he leans back in his seat. I don’t care that we’re in a nice restaurant in the middle of Seattle with people staring at us. I need him to understand.
Climbing onto his lap sideways, I take his face in my hands until he’s forced to look into my eyes.
“That’s not it at all. You’re not an inconvenience, or a regret, or anything else negative. You’ve reopened my closed-off world. You’ve given me so much, I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am, or thank you for it. But I’m not fully there yet. I still have a lot to figure out and work through, and it’s not right for me to drag you into that.”
He laughs humorlessly, shaking his head like I’m not making sense. His hand comes up, rubbing up and down my spine.
“Okay, Katie,” his tone is resigned. “I get it, and I can’t argue it with you, because your mind is made up on this. But you should know that I love you. That I’ll always love you, and that I want you no matter what. So if you need time, fine. Take time. But you need to understand that I plan on fighting like hell for you.”
Shit. I smile huge at that. “You’re a fucking rock star, aren’t you?”
He laughs, kissing me. “If that’s what it takes to eventually make you mine, then sure.” If love were easy and played by the rules, I would be his forever. But it’s not always that simple. Is it?
26
Kate
* * *
Our Thai food is awesome, and I have a feeling that since they deliver, Ryan is going to be eating it often. We didn’t talk about anything serious for the rest of the meal. In fact, my new best friend, Luke came and met us.
A little odd? Sure, but what the hell.
Luke is…well, what can I say about Luke?
He’s a wiseass in the best sense of the word.
That and he’s hot. Not quite Ryan hot, but certainly delicious in a very different sort of way. While Ryan does the whole bearded, glasses man-of-mystery thing, Luke does the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing. His hair and eyes are both the same chestnut brown, but the mischief in those eyes is unmistakable.
He’s irresistible that way.
Promising all kinds of trouble that you just can’t help but say yes to.
Luke made it his personal mission to show us around not only Ryan’s new neighborhood, but he also brought us down to the famed Pike Place Market.
Super cool.
Okay, I admit it.
I’m a fan of Seattle.
I mean, come on, flying fish? Who could turn that crap down? No one, that’s who. And then there’s the beautiful waterfront, and the trees, and the mountains, and the cool shops, and eclectic mix of people.
Yup, I may just love it here.
Ryan held my hand the entire afternoon, laughing and smiling and chatting easily. I was worried. I was even freaking out a bit.
I’m hoping that maybe he understands things finally.
But that whole fighting for me thing? What do I do with that?
Other than eat it up with a spoon? Because as much as I want him to have a real life and not bother wasting it on me, I want him to fight for me.
I also love the fact that Ryan has Luke.
They’re easy friends, even though the majority of their interactions are ribbing each other. But in all seriousness, I’m having the best day.
“Duchess Kate,”—Luke calls me Duchess Kate— “You seem like a rad adventure girl,” he says as we get to the city center. I can’t help but laugh, because really?
“Sure I am,” I say with a smug grin.
“Then you’ll fly up the Space Needle with me?”
“That’s an adventure? Puh--lease.”
He laughs. “Tell that to Mr. Serious over here.” He hooks his thumb at Ryan who just rolls his eyes.
“Why do you keep calling him Mr. Serious? Is that meant to be ironic?”
Both guys look at each other, but Luke is giving that smile again. The one he’s had all afternoon, and if I weren’t in love with Ryan, it would totally make me tingle in the best of places.
It doesn’t, though, FYI.
“Because those MIT boys are boring as all fuck,” Luke says. “They created lame-ass nicknames for each other. It was like some sort of cult, or initiation into mediocrity or something.”
Ryan snorts, pulling me in closer to his side and kissing the top of my head. “And you Caltech assholes really had it going on,” he says sarcastically. “Do you know what Luke’s handle was when we were in school, Katie?”
“Obviously I don’t, Ryan. I was slumming it in high school while you old-ass dudes were busy playing your reindeer games.”
“Can I take her, Ryan? Please? Just for a while. I probably won’t give her back, though,” Luke says, smiling down at me with mock seduction.
Or maybe it’s real. So hard to tell with him. Damn.
“Try it, motherfucker, and watch what happens.”
“Both of you shut up. I want to ride to the top of the Space Needle and you’re wasting my time.” I look over at Luke. “We doing this shit, or what?”
“Fuck, I’m in love,” Luke says, bringing a hand up to his chest over his heart like he’s been struck. “You should come with us, man, or I may just stick my tongue down her throat and call it an accident? Or not an accident? Depends on how much she’s into it,” he shrugs.
I laugh, but Ryan doesn’t. He’s too busy staring daggers into Luke, who’s smiling like the cocky bastard he is.
“Come on, baby, ride up to the top with me.” I pull on Ryan’s hand and he looks down at me. I think he likes it when I call him baby. In fact, I think it may have superpowers where he’s concerned.
He groans, but allows me to drag him along. The ride up is fast and cool, and the views of Seattle, the mountains, and the water, are unbelievable.