That’s it.
All the seats are cream-colored leather, and look comfy and plush. The wood accents and tables are all dark mahogany stain.
“Katie,” he says my name in a panicked tone, staring at the seats like they’re going to jump up and attack him at any moment.
“Come sit on the love seat with me,” I say gently.
I can feel his raised body temperature even though I’m about a foot away from him, and his hand is trembling in mine. He follows me to the back of the plane where the love seat is.
“Look. There’s a minibar.” I point across the aisle at a small bar stocked with a mini fridge, a small ice maker, sink, glasses, and a few bottles of alcohol. “I know it’s early, but do you want something to help you relax?”
“No.” He shakes his head and sits down rigidly, his eyes are the only thing moving as he takes in his surroundings. I walk around him and sit down right up against his side. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Damn, his words cut me.
“Because you’re too strong to live in fear. Your family is far away from you now, Ryan, and there may come a time when you have to fly to them. I don’t want your life to be restricted by this.”
“I don’t think I can do it.”
I climb onto his lap, staring into his bright-green eyes that are stocked full of fear.
“I think you can, Ryan, and I’ll be here next to you the entire way. If it becomes too much, Steve said he could land somewhere along the way. But if you can’t, I completely understand, and I will support you no matter what.”
“What about your car?”
“I’ve made arrangements for it to meet us up in Seattle if we do this.”
“What about Portland? You wanted to go to Portland.”
I smile, running my fingers through the black bristles of his beard.
“I can go to Portland whenever I want. You’re more important than Portland, Ryan.” I brush my lips against his. “Do you think this is something we can do together, or do you want to leave?”
He stares at me, looking deeply into my eyes for the longest of moments. I let him. He needs this time and I won’t be the one to interrupt it. Finally, he takes a long unsteady breath.
“I’ll try, Katie, but I don’t know how well I’m going to do.” He’s shaking his head back and forth. “I haven’t been on a plane since the accident, and that was by far and away the worst moment of my life. Not just the sheer terror I felt when the plane was going down and then crashed, but waking up with broken bones and incredible pain, and seeing the dead pilot, not knowing where I was, or if I could even get help…,” he trails off.
I get it. Fear is a nasty fucking bug that can take over and control everything.
I cup his face in my hands. “I will be right next to you the whole time. We’ll do this together.”
He gives me the tightest, smallest nod I’ve ever seen, but I’m going to take that as a yes.
“Steve?” I call out. “We’re a go.”
“Sounds good,” he yells back. “I’m going to start the engine and notify the car service of your plans.”
“Thank you.”
I smile up at Ryan and then we hear the rumble and loud keening sound of the engines starting.
“I’m going to move so that I can buckle up next to you.” His hands become rigid on my thighs, holding me in place on his lap. His eyes snap shut, clenching tightly. “Or I can just sit like this the entire flight.” Another nod. “I’m really proud of you, Ryan.” I lean in to kiss him.
I really freaking am. He’s so goddamn brave.
“Save your praise. I’m not sure I can do this.” He shakes his head again, and when his eyes open, they’re wild. “This is crazy.” His voice is manic. “What the hell am I doing? You’re lucky I love you as much as I do; otherwise I’d never do this. I couldn’t stand flying before the crash, and right now, I’m about two seconds away from embarrassing the hell out of myself and crying like a little bitch.”
I smile. Fucking hell, he just said he loves me.
Shit, that shouldn’t make me as happy as it does.
“You said you love me.” I’m grinning like an idiot, but I’m also trying to distract him since the plane is officially moving now, albeit slowly.
His eyebrows knit together, and he blinks at me a couple of times, then he realizes what he said, and his expression softens. “I did,” he confirms. “I do.” His hands tighten on my hips as he looks at me so adoringly, my breath hitches. “I love you, Katie. So much.”
The plane rumbles and I can feel the motion of us moving, but Steve had told me on the phone that he would just go and not say a whole lot unless it was needed, and right now, I think Ryan is adequately distracted.
“I know I wasn’t supposed to say that, and I’ve been holding it back for a while now, but apparently it just slipped out, so…”
I interrupt his rant by pressing my lips to his.
Softly at first, and as I feel the plane start to pick up momentum, I deepen it, running my fingers through his hair and driving my body closer to his. His hands slide back to my ass and he squeezes.
I should be freaking out about the “L” word, but I’m not, which feels odd. I’ve rolled the word around in my head when thinking about Ryan, but felt so wrong in using it.
I don’t know what my future is—whether it includes him or not. I can’t get past this suffocating guilt that lives inside of me.
I feel like I’m betraying my husband.
That’s a rough thing to move on from, and I certainly haven’t been able to do it yet.
But… “I love you too,” I whisper against his lips, wondering why those words aren’t making me sick.
He stills, his lips hovering over mine, his eyes wide open and unblinking. “Did you really say that, or is the panic-filled adrenaline making me hallucinate?”
Ah, so he does know that we’re finally up in the air.
“I said it.” I don’t know if I can do it again, but the words are out there, and I meant them.
Oh god, I’m so sorry Eric, but I meant them. Fuck, I love them both so much. How is that even possible?
“Did you—” he swallows hard. “Did you just say it because I said it and that’s what people do when someone says it?”
I smile. He’s so adorable when he’s like this. A little psychotic maybe, but adorable. “No. I meant it.”
“Who knew those simple words could totally take over the impending sense of doom, and fire, and death; I’ve been feeling since I saw this fucking airplane you coaxed me onto?”
“Then I guess my work here is done,” I smile into his lips, giggling a little when he pinches my side.
“No way. Your sexy ass is going to sit on my lap for this entire nightmare, and when we land—which we better by the way—I’m going to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you. I may even spank you until your beautiful bottom is red.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Don’t play coy with me, Mrs. Taylor.” Shit, did he have to use my married name? Heat rushes through my veins and not the good kind. It’s the kind that says I’m a traitorous bitch. “I know you like it like that.”