She shakes her head.
“It will be a pain in the ass in this little tub,” she gestures to the limited space around her small wet body. Fuck. “We’ll shower together after?”
“I’m good with that,” I say, leaning in to kiss her soft, full lips. “What’s our plan for tomorrow?” Resting on the edge of the tub against the cool cast iron, I continue. “Portland is like a seven-hour drive. I’m not against it, just curious what you want to do.”
She leans back, her wet hair resting on the tub as she cups handfuls of bubbles, placing them over her exposed skin. I’m completely mesmerized by the motion.
“I’m liking the idea of a day in Seattle.” It’s something I did not expect her to say, but can’t help feeling good about.
“Then Portland tomorrow it is. We’ll have to wake up, eat breakfast, and go.”
She frowns. “It’s the last of our long trips.” I nod but don’t say anything else. She knows where my mind is. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, looking down at the disintegrating bubbles. “I shouldn’t have let this happen.”
“What?” I’m both alarmed and pissed, because just what the fuck?
Her blue eyes are watery when they find mine.
“I’ve got a shit ton of baggage. We’ve been talking around and over this again and again. I feel like I’m playing with you, and I hate that. Fucking hate it, Ryan.” Her glistening eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I’m still a mess, and I knew that going in, and yet…I couldn’t resist you. I’ve never felt like this before,” she continues. “So conflicted. So unsure of what to do.” A tear spills out over her eyes and down her cheek, but neither of us moves to wipe it away. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she says on a sob.
“I know, Katie. I know. I got into this with my eyes wide open. You’ve hardly made your feelings for me, or about us, a secret. If I get hurt, it’s on me.”
She shakes her head, her expression pained. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“What would?”
She bites her lip, sinking lower into the tub. “That’s just it. I don’t know. It’s like I can’t stay away from you, though I know I should because I’m no good for you.”
“Don’t I get to decide who’s good for me?”
I’m starting to get exasperated again. It’s not like she lied to me. Not even once. She’s been crystal clear on everything. And sure, maybe I should have heeded her warnings before this became all that it is, but too fucking late.
“Any time with you is better than no time at all.” I mean that.
“That’s how I feel too.” She bites into her full soft lip.
“So, no plans then. We’ll see where we go and how we end up.”
“I’d like to go to Seattle and look around. See if it fits.”
Fuck, I can’t stop the smile. “I’d like that too.”
“Okay then,” she offers up a weak smile. “It’s settled, but I have an idea for tomorrow that you may or may not like. We’ll see, but I’d like you to promise me that you’ll keep an open mind about it.”
I narrow my eyes at her, and she just blinks up at me innocently through her ridiculously long lashes. She’s fooling no one, and she knows it. “I’ll do my best to keep an open mind.”
Katie smiles triumphantly. “That’s all I can ask for. Now, help me out of this tub so we can shower together and go have sex in front of the fire.”
“Such a demanding little sprite, aren’t you?”
“And you wouldn’t have me any other way,” she winks as I pull her up from the tub. Water splashes all around, dripping down her body. Damn, that’s one hell of a sight.
“No. No, I wouldn’t.” I’d keep you as you are forever if you’d let me. Now to get her to agree to it.
24
Kate
* * *
“What the fuck?” Ryan practically yells as we step out of the car early the next morning. We’re on the long strip of land they call a private airport around here.
I know I’m really pushing my luck here, but I don’t want him to be controlled by his fear. Ryan means the world to me, and I need to do this for him before I leave. If I leave.
“What the fuck, Katie?” he asks again, and I step in front of him, which does not block his view of the private jet since I’m so short and he’s so tall. But I need his attention for a moment all the same.
“Ryan. Look at me.” He does, but it takes a moment for him to pull his eyes away from the small plane. “I’d like us to fly up to Seattle today. It’s a short flight. A little more than an hour, but I think you need to conquer this.”
I can see the dread radiating off of him. He’s terrified, and though I feel bad about that, I think it’s something he can do. He’s so strong.
“I can’t, Katie.” It’s a whisper. “Please don’t make me.” It’s a plea.
“Baby?” I call up, and his head snaps down at the endearment because I’ve never called him anything other than Ryan. “I won’t make you do anything.” My eyes burn into his so he knows my words are one hundred percent sincere. “I would never force this on you. But you’re living across the country from your family. What happened to you was a freak thing. An awful thing, but rare all the same. All I’m asking is that you try. Maybe just step on board with me and see how that goes. Can you do that?”
He stands there, frozen, for the longest time. His eyes bounce back and forth between mine and the plane.
“I’ll be with you the whole time.”
He takes in a heavy breath and releases it slowly. “I’ll step on board, but no promises, Katie. I don’t think I can do this.”
I smile up at him. “That’s all I’m asking.” I reach out and take his hand, interlacing our fingers. His hand is clammy as hell, but I won’t release him.
As we approach, his grip on my hand tightens, pulling back a little, but I urge him on and he reluctantly follows.
We walk up the short staircase that leads into the main cabin of the small plane. It’s nicer than I thought it would be, and the pilot is standing outside the cockpit waiting. I’ve never been on a private plane, and in truth, I’m a little excited by it, but I quickly curb my enthusiasm.
“Hello,” the pilot who looks like he’s in his mid-forties says with a smile and deep, sparkling chestnut eyes. “I’m Steve, the pilot of this vessel. It’s nice to meet you both.” He reaches out his hand to shake both of ours.
“I’m Kate and this is Ryan. Thank you for letting us sit on board for a bit. We’re still not sure if we’ll be flying today,” I inform him.
He smiles wider. “Not a problem. Take all the time you need. I’m available for questions if you have any.”
“Thank you,” I say, and try to take a shell-shocked and silent Ryan further into the plane.
Steve goes into the cockpit, giving us our privacy.
The cabin looks like it can seat about eight people. There are two leather seats that are side by side, directly facing another pair of matching chairs, with a long, narrow, wood table between them. On the other side, a small couch is pressed against the window, and further back behind the chairs is a forward-facing love seat with another narrow table in front of it.