Danish puts her hand on my shoulder. “If you love Eli, just stop messing around with Gavin. Pretend it didn’t happen. Eli never has to know if you don’t want him to know.”
“But I don’t like lying,” I say.
“Then tell him. You can tell him and apologize and see if he’ll forgive you. Then you’ll know if he’s for real.”
I wipe my nose on the back of my arm. “Why would he forgive me?”
“Because he loves you?” Danish says. “Because he wants to be with you? Because he left you for the summer and understands that these things can happen? Or maybe he did hook up with someone and now you guys are even and can move on.”
I nod.
“I also think . . .” She hesitates.
“Yeah?”
“I think you need to think about what you want. And how you feel. Sure, maybe you hooked up with Gavin because he’s hot and because he’s here and because you were a little pissed off at Eli for leaving you for the summer. But maybe you also weren’t totally happy with your relationship with Eli.”
I nod. “I’m really confused.”
“Life is confusing,” Janelle says and laughs. “That’s part of the fun.”
“You’ll figure it out,” Danish says. “I know you will. And anyway, I have a great distraction for you tonight. Superbowl break at midnight. We’re waking up all the kids.”
“What is a Superbowl break?” Janelle asks.
“It’s like color war, but only two teams, and we play football for two days!”
“Fun!” Janelle says.
“Two days of football?” I groan. “That’s so much football. Is that where Gavin is tonight?”
She smiles. “He’s helping build the float. You’ll see.”
We all stay up since we know about the break. And at eleven fifty-five, Botts and Marissa come stomping through the hallway of our bunk. They are blaring “We Will Rock You” from one of their iPhones and screaming, “GET READY FOR THE SUPERBOWL!”
Some of the kids jump out of bed and the others hide under their covers.
“Getting them back to bed is going to be painful,” I say.
“Do we get a sleep-in tomorrow?” Prague asks.
“Nope,” Marissa tells her.
“This is going to be fun,” Janelle says.
“Everyone to the football field!” Botts cries out.
“Everyone take a sweatshirt!” I order as we usher all the kids to the football field.
A few of them run ahead, and I take the hands of the sleepy ones.
We surround the football field and wait for Marissa to take center stage. She grabs a megaphone. “We are so excited for Superbowl XX!!! Time to announce our captains!”
Everyone cheers. “For the Wolves team, wearing gray, we have Trevor Rudgers and Nora Steinberg! And for the Tigers, wearing black, we have the Tank and Janelle Moden!”
I spin to look at Janelle. She looks vaguely shocked but then throws her arms up in victory.
“Go, Janelle!” I scream. She is co-captain with the Tank? She is going to win FOR SURE.
She runs up to the center of the field.
I look to see where Lawrence is. He’s watching her. I look for Allie. She’s whispering to one of her co-counselors.
Whatever.
They divide the teams. Gavin’s on mine. He comes up to me after they call out the rest of the teams, and puts his hand on my waist in the dark.
I flinch. I realize it’s the first time I have not wanted him to touch me.
“Hey,” he says.
“Oh. Hey.” I take a step back. I don’t know what I want.
“How was your day off?” he asks.
“It was . . . good. Weird.”
He doesn’t say anything. “Can you meet me in like an hour? At the beach? I want to hear about it.”
“I . . . I’m actually exhausted,” I find myself saying. It’s not a lie. “Can we talk tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He shrugs, and I watch him disappear into the night.
The next morning, Janelle’s alarm goes off at seven a.m. and she’s dressed in black shorts and a black tube top and jumping around in excitement.
I spot Gavin at flagpole but try not to look at him. I am not sure what to say. I’m not sure what I want.
So of course, I end up directly behind him in the hot breakfast line in the kitchen.
“Hey,” I say. “Sorry about yesterday.” I’m not sure why I am apologizing. But I can’t just avoid him.
“It’s fine. I was wiped, too.”
“Do you want to talk at Rest Hour?” I ask.
“I have to make an office run,” he says.
Calling Kat, he means. “Okay,” I say. “Another time.”
He nods.
I get my large bowl of scrambled eggs, two serving spoons, and head back to my table. And I can’t help but wonder—is it over? Just like that?
I practice with the girls on my team all morning.
Janelle pops by to watch mid-practice, and she’s smiling and cheering like crazy. “You guys are rock stars!” she says. “You’re going to smash the other team! Totally smash them!”
She looks so happy, and I’m thrilled for her.
After lunch, I am splayed across my bed resting when I hear the cabin door open. “Hello? Sam, you there?”
It’s Gavin.
Lis and Talia both look over.
I jump off my bed and push open the sheet. “Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure, let’s go outside,” I say. His eyes are red. He looks upset.
The Lower Field bleachers are empty, so we head to those. My heart is racing—did he tell her? Did she freak out?
I wait to sit down before I ask, “What happened?”
“She . . .” He takes a deep breath. “She broke up with me.”
I gasp in surprise. “You told her?”
“No,” he says, his knee bouncing. “I didn’t say anything. She did! She kissed some guy.”
“Wait. She did?” My heart speeds up. “Was it Eli?”
“What?” He looks up at me. “No. Not Eli. Alain. Some French guy,” he says, and his voice turns bitter.
I feel a wave of both relief and disappointment. “I did not see that coming.”
“Me neither.”
My heart stops. “Did you tell her? About me?” If he told her, she could be messaging Eli right now.
He shakes his head. “No. I didn’t say anything about you or about anyone.”
“What do you mean, anyone? Was there someone besides me?”
He shakes his head quickly. “No, no, I meant about me being with anyone. I didn’t tell her anything. She was just saying all this stuff on the phone, about how she couldn’t help the way she felt, and she hadn’t known if this Alain would like her back, and she still cares about me, and how they kissed last night and she wants more. So, she broke up with me because she wants to be as honest as possible and not lead me on when her feelings have changed. She’s probably fucking him right now.”
The word makes me jump. It sounds so crude. Also, she broke up with him because she wants to hook up with some other guy? Wants to? Not did? Is she the most righteous person ever?