Shaking my head I say it again. “I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No, Nathan.” I go to pull away, but he holds me tighter.
“Please.”
“And what happens the next time I do something to upset you? That’s not fair on me or Dillan.”
“I won’t behave that way again. I swear to you.” His unguarded eyes search mine. His hand comes up to brush the hair from my face as I tilt it back to look up at him through my lashes. My hands fist in his shirt; I’m not sure whether I want to push him away or hold him closer. “Please, Guinevere.”
“No. I’m sorry but I have a life here.” This time he does release me, his arms dropping to his sides. My fingers keep hold of his shirt. He’s going to walk away again, proving my fears to be true. He’s going to break his promise before it even had a chance to begin. “I can’t go back with you.”
“Then what if I come here?”
Snort. “Don’t be…”
“I’m serious. I can’t… lose you again. My life is meaningless without you.”
“No it isn’t.” Why does he think these things about himself?
“It is.” He implores, his jaw set. “I want you home with me. I want Dillan home with me.”
“Why?”
“Why?” He seems shocked that I can even ask that.
Huff. “Yes, why?”
“Because.”
“Because of what?”
“You make me happy.”
My brow quirks. “Until you’re angry.”
“I just swore I wouldn’t…”
I cut him off, finally releasing his shirt. “I know, and I want to believe you. Part of me wants to go back but… I don’t think I can live there, not now I know what you’ve been through.”
He takes a step back, almost as if I’ve kicked him. “Then I’ll buy a new house, a nicer one, and we’ll live there.”
“That’s not healthy. We don’t need to live together!”
“Why not?” Now he’s affronted. Great. This isn’t going well.
“Because of everything that’s happened between us. I can’t trust you not to lose it again.”
“Can you blame me? I was… disgusted that I’d tainted…”
Turning away from him, I throw my hands in the air, wanting to curse to the sky. “Stop acting like any of this is your fault. It’s driving me mad!”
“Gwen, please, come home with me.”
My mind is set and when it’s set, that’s that. “No.”
“Is this because of Eric?” He growls, his chest now against my back. “Do you want him?”
I gasp and spin to face him, my annoyance evident. “That’s what you think?”
“It seems suspicious timing. Your relationship with him, what is it?” His eyes narrow before widening.
Oh crap. “So what if I do?” I respond haughtily and inwardly kick myself. I don’t want Eric. I don’t want anybody.
His hands run through his hair, his shock as clear as the sky above. “Do… do you want him?”
“That’s the whole point of dating, isn’t it? To find out whether or not you want somebody.”
“I see I’ve made another error.” he bites out, glaring openly at me now. “I’ll leave you to your life, Guinevere.”
Eye roll. “It’s not like you haven’t before.”
“I think this excuse is a justifiable one. Have you forgotten Caleb already? My brother.”
Oh, he didn’t. But he did. “You… you…” My eyes burn, my anger now forgotten. “Christ, you really know how to make me hate you.”
“Have you fucked him?” He demands, ignoring my sorrow and guilt. Strong hands grip my biceps, his face is now inches from mine. “Have you?”
“And if I have?”
He staggers away from me, seeming to be in pain. “You hardly know him.”
“I know him enough.”
“I’ll call you a taxi.” He spits after a moment of staring at me like he’s never seen me before.
“Good.” I snap and walk towards the exit.
Something smashes. I don’t get to look and see as I’m being grabbed from behind. I hate being pulled along like a dog on a lead.
“Will you stop dragging me places? It’s irritating!” I stomp my foot to emphasise my point.
Nathan looks at me, almost as if looking at me for the first time and not liking what he sees. “How could you sleep with him, Gwen?”
“Well, there wasn’t much sleeping involved. There was plenty of…”
His hand clamps over my mouth. I don’t tell him I’m lying. I don’t want to. If he’s going to assume then I’ll let him. “Don’t say it.”
“Say what? I don’t see how it’s any of your business what I do and don’t do.”
“Why him? Why now?” He snarls, his face an inch from my own, his hands now gripping my arms. Why him? Why now? What’s he talking about?
“Let go of me.” I shout and shove him with as much strength as I can muster. He only moves back a step. “Are you insane?”
“Are you?” He bellows back, his face turning red from the strain.
We both stand and stare at each other. Nothing can be heard but the heavy breaths escaping us and the tinkling of the fountain only a few feet away. I shake my head with a sigh. “And you honestly expected me to move back with you?”
“What?” His face softens, his eyes widening slightly with realisation. “If there were ever a good time to curse, now would be that time.”
“Yeah.” I laugh humourlessly and scoop my bag off the ground. “Agreed. And no, I haven’t even kissed Eric, let alone anything else. I’m sorry for making you believe otherwise.”
“Good.” He blurts and reaches for me, but I step out of reach. “I’d like to go home now, Nathan.”
He blinks as if shocked. “Home?”
“I have a headache.” It’s the truth too; my head is pounding. “You should get back to Dillan.”
He runs his tongue over his lips and looks up at the ceiling for a few moments. Brown eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry. I overreacted again. I’m not used to not getting my own way.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fortunately used to your mood swings.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” He mumbles, his fingers rubbing at his eyes. “I’m sorry, Gwen. Truly. I’m not good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“This, whatever this is.”
“Right now,” I wave a hand between us, “this is nothing. I promised myself I’d hold my tongue, I’d try to reason with you gently when you get like this, but I’m going back on that. You can’t keep doing this. I want to empathise, I really do. I genuinely want to understand you, but don’t think for one minute that I’ll take your crap anymore. You don’t get to talk to me like that just because I’ve annoyed you.”
He gapes at me, shocked by my outburst.