The way he nuzzles into my stomach and holds me tight with his hands on my arse feels almost desperate.
He lets out a choked sob and holds me tighter still. “I can’t lose you. I don’t remember how to live without you.”
“You’re not going to lose me.”
“I will, if you find out the truth.”
“Trust me.”
“Trust me,” he whispers and I gently massage his scalp. “I can’t… Gwen… I can’t let you go… but you’ll make me.”
“Then don’t tell me,” I breathe, my decision set in my mind. “I don’t want to know.”
He looks up at me with red eyes and dishevelled hair. “What?”
I nod. “I don’t want to know.”
“You promise? You’ll never ask?”
And again I nod. “I swear it. I will never ask.”
He stands, his arm lifting me as he rises. I immediately wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. The sheet falls from my body, remaining trapped between his arm and my back.
“Tell me you love me.” He looks up at me, his eyes set and determined.
“I love you.”
His arm that isn’t holding me swipes everything from his desk. I hear the glass smash and the laptop thud against the floor, but I don’t care because in seconds he’s laying me on the long desk, which is cold against my back.
The sheet bunches up beneath me, forming an uncomfortable lump that digs into the base of my spine, yet I don’t care.
I care even less when Nathan kicks off his boxers, pulls off his vest and climbs on top of me. Seconds later he’s in me and is pounding me so mercilessly I slide up the table with each thrust until my head is hanging over the edge. It feels so good, too good.
Does this mean I’ve fixed him?
Or does this mean he’s fixed me?
Maybe it means neither; maybe we’re both just finally on the right course to healing.
As my orgasm rips through me and Nathan yells my name with his, I smile. For once in the past twelve months, I finally feel like everything is going to be alright.
“I know this is a little bit late to ask,” Nathan says, both of us lying in his bed, with me draped across his chest as he plays with my hair. Shifting, I tilt my head back and wait for him to continue whilst staring at his handsome face. “But you did start taking the pill again, right?”
“Definitely too late to ask,” I giggle, thinking back to our time in his office, then again in the hallway when we were supposed to be going to bed. Then again on the stairs, which isn’t as easy or as comfortable as it looks, so we moved it to his bed. I’m deliciously sore and achy and the bed sheet that covered the mattress is now in a heap at the foot of the bed. Somehow we pushed it off during our love making and I’m not embarrassed in the slightest. “But yes, I did.”
He lets out a breath and presses his lips to my hair. “I never knew it could feel like this.”
“Me neither,” I agree, running my tongue around his nipple, which causes him to gasp.
“You didn’t?”
I shake my head and close my eyes. “It’s different with you. More… intense. It’s instinct or something. You seem to know exactly what I want and I seem to know exactly what you want.”
He chuckles. “We’re used to not talking that’s why. We must have learned to read each other’s body language during the time you lived here.”
That actually makes sense. I fall silent for a moment, wondering whether or not to say what’s on my mind. “I wasn’t just trying to get you into bed when I told you I was in love with you. You know that right?”
His body gets tight and he rolls me onto my back, his face hovering an inch above mine. “I just thought you were saying it to make me feel better.”
“How could you think that?”
“Because you’re adamant about never loving anyone more than you love…” He trails off and, fortunately, that familiar pain I usually get when Caleb is mentioned doesn’t come.
“You were right; I was wrong.” I admit reluctantly. “It is possible to love two people at the same time, it’s just a different kind of love.”
He smiles broadly. “Did you just admit you were wrong?”
“Yes,” I respond indignantly. “When have I ever not admitted I was wrong when I was in fact wrong?”
He chuckles and kisses my chin. “Well during the last twelve months, you’ve never been wrong. According to you at least.”
“I just gave you the best sex of your life. If you don’t want that privilege revoked, I suggest you don’t poke fun.”
Laughing loudly, he rests his head on my breasts and trails his fingers up and down my side. “Duly noted.” His brow arches playfully. “Am I in the doghouse?”
Sigh.
“Are we having another tiff?”
Double sigh.
His eyes soften, his smile dimming to a gentle one, one full of love and a small amount of amusement. “When did you figure out how you feel?”
Good question. “When you tried to walk away from me the other day.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I didn’t figure out what those feelings meant until you didn’t come home and didn’t call for two nights.”
He lifts his head and sucks my nipple into his mouth.
“Careful,” I warn, not wanting him to suddenly get a mouthful of Dillan’s dinner. “It’s different, so different. With you it’s deeper, more intense. I feel it in my very soul. The thought of living without you hurts to the point of scarring every inch of me.”
“And with Caleb?”
“It was fun, light and airy. I felt like I was floating. Every second with him was like walking on a cloud.” I giggle a little. “I loved him very much.” I can see that my words have affected him. “But with you, every second I spend with you it feels like I can do anything. You have the ability to crush me, the ability to shatter me, the ability to consume me. With Caleb it was never like that. People say you never get over your first love and maybe they’re right, but I know in my heart that if anything were to happen to you, to us, I would never be able to move on from that.”
“I’m not going anywhere, not this time. I swear it. I’m just sorry I didn’t give you all of me sooner.”
“Same.” My arms wrap around his neck as my eyes drift shut. “Same.”
******
I wake up to the bright sun pouring over my face, but that’s not what woke me up. At first I panic when something slips inside me, but then I remember where I am and who I’m with and, without worrying about my bad morning breath or the state of my body, I raise my hips to meet the gorgeous man who gave me all of him last night.
******
“Does this mean you’ll move in with me?” Nathan asks as we shower. “You and Dillan of course.”
Oh darn. I did say that, didn’t I? “I suppose.”
A smile of pure joy lights up his face. He pulls me to him, our wet bodies clashing under the spray. “Yay!”