“He needs time. He’ll come around.”
I laugh, but the sound is full of regret and loss. “No one will blame him if he doesn’t.” She’s about to say something, but I put my hand up to stop her. “Look, I’m an emotional mess right now. My love life is like a game of Tetris, and I’m trying to fit the pieces together.”
MJ groans and opens the car door. “Come on, let’s go inside. Let’s see if we can sneak you in.”
I hop out of the car and follow my best friend into the hospital. As we head to the ICU area, I feel the emptiness from before recede. Father Foster may have told me to stay away, but it won’t stop me from coming here.
I recognize the nurse who was on duty yesterday. The moment she sees me, she smiles and asks, “Are you here to see him?”
“Um, I—” I swallow hard and nod. Does this mean Sol’s uncle didn’t tell the nurses to bar me from visiting his nephew? I glance at MJ. She widens her eyes and subtly nods. I face the nurse again. “Yes. How is he today?”
“No change. Come on, I’ll take you in.”
“Wait. Has Father Foster been here to see him?”
The nurse nods. “Bless him. He spent the night in his nephew’s room. He left at five this morning for Mass and said he’ll be back around midday.” I blow out a huge breath just as the nurse cuts a glance at MJ and asks her if she’s family.
MJ shakes her head. “I’m good. I’ll wait out here.” As soon as the nurse heads down the hall toward Sol’s room, my best friend glances at her watch. “You have at least forty-five minutes before Father Foster comes back. Give him a hug for me.”
I nod, then turn and hurry after the nurse, my heart racing in my chest. I shouldn’t be here, but I won’t pass up the chance to see Sol.
“I assume you are related to Father Foster?” she asks as she slides open the glass door to Sol’s room.
My mind scrambles for an answer, and the only thing I come up with is, “Hmm.” She darts a quizzical look at me over her shoulder. Scared she’ll change her mind when she learns the truth, I blurt out, “He’s my boyfriend. Solomon, I mean. Not Father Foster.”
Shut up, Grace. Jesus.
She laughs, her eyes lighting up. “Thank God for that,” she teases. “I think being here will help him. Some tests indicate that patients thrive in the presence of a loved one.”
Huh. Take that, Father Foster.
Inside the room, I grab the chair closest to me and set it next to the bed, then shrug off my jacket. The nurse checks on Sol before heading back to the door. “We’ll be out there if you need anything.”
I smile and nod. “Thank you.”
As soon as the door shuts, I switch my focus to Sol. I take in his pale complexion. The bruise on his jaw is dark purple. His lips are parted behind the oxygen mask, his chest rising and falling with each breath. He looks so peaceful.
I reach for his hand on the sheets and kiss the back of it, then shift the hair on his forehead with my fingers. “You need a haircut. I know it’s only been days, but I miss those gorgeous blue eyes.”
The beep, beep, beep from the EKG machine is the only answer I get.
“I hope you can hear me, Sol. Things ended abruptly, and I kind of need to finish our talk. There are so many things I want to say, but I need to say them while looking into your eyes.” I pause and glance out the window. “It’s snowing again. Have I told you how much I love the snow? It’s so white and clean. So pure.” I realize I’m rambling, so I stop talking and press my forehead against his warm hand. “I can’t stay too long, though. Just promise you’ll come back to me, okay? I’m waiting for you.”
I kiss his palm, then lay his hand back on the sheet at his side and grab my jacket. With one last glance, I leave the room and walk down the short hall to the waiting area.
“Grace?” a familiar voice calls out. I spin and come face-to-face with Gavin. “Hey.” His mouth hitches up in a nervous smile.
“Hey, Gavin.”
He stuffs his hands inside his scrubs pockets and nods toward Sol’s room. “How’s he doing?”
“According to the nurse, he’s stable.”
“Good. That’s good,” he says with a nod. “How are you?”
I shrug. “I’m okay.”
He clears his throat and then scratches the back of his head. “I’m just wrapping up my shift. Want to grab some coffee?”
Um, what? “What?” What the hell? I can’t believe he’s asking me to go for coffee. Years later and I’m still bleeding from the wounds he inflicted on me.
His eyes widen in understanding, and his hands go up as if calming a wounded animal. “Oh, no. It’s not like that. I just thought we could sit down and talk, you know.”
“No, I don’t know. Why don’t you explain it to me?”
He drags his palm down his face. “Look, I was an asshole in high school. All I want to do is apologize. I’ve wanted to do this for a while now, but I was a coward. I’m not even sure how you’re still standing here in front of me after what I did.”
I study him for several seconds, then ask, “So, when did you realize?”
“What? That I wanted to apologize?”
“That you’re an asshole.”
His gaze drops to his feet, and he purses his lips. “Too late, I guess. But I’ve been working on myself. I want to be a better person, I swear.” He tilts his head up and looks at me with pleading eyes. “I’m still a work in progress.”
He seems genuine enough, but what if this is just an act? What if he hasn’t changed at all? I could agree to coffee and find out. Or pass it up and never know. Right now, I’m leaning toward the latter.
I sigh, then slip on my jacket. “I can’t do this right now, Gavin.”
“Please, Grace. Just five minutes.”
Shaking my head, I open my mouth to say No, Gavin. Those are five minutes I’ll never get back. But something in his face—the desperation for redemption, I think—catches me off guard. And I know. I know that look. It’s the same one I was wearing when I walked into Levi’s room, craving his forgiveness.
“Five minutes,” I say, then brush past him and head in MJ’s direction. After giving her an update on Sol, I let her know my unexpected plans with Gavin and that I’ll text her when I’m done.
We find a table in the cafeteria and order coffee. Gavin props his elbows on the table, arms crossed. “I hurt you, Grace. I was a stupid kid ruled by my ego. When you refused to have sex with me, the rejection stung.”
Immediately, I’m transported back to high school, and my stomach churns with the memories. I shake my head to disperse them as goose bumps pop along my arms. I reach for my cup and hold it between my hands as though it’s my anchor as I wait for his next words.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Grace. If I could go back in time, I’d change what happened.”
I nod, thinking about how much I’d love to go back in time myself and do things differently.
“Can you ever forgive me?”
Blowing out a breath, I sip my coffee, letting the bitter taste sit on my tongue for a few moments before swallowing it. “You hurt me, Gavin.” He winces and drops his gaze to his coffee. “I’ve let that hurt seep into my life and poison me.” I pause, mulling over my words. Slowly, the realization of what I just said is like a light bulb going off in my head. The fear of being rejected, the need to be accepted and loved . . .