“No.” His hand doesn’t release mine. “I’m so sorry, Pea.”
Typical Colt, always doing the right thing. He wants to make sure we part on good terms. A nice “Thanks for the great years together. I hope we can still be friends.”
I pull away from his grip and walk to the edge of the deck, looking out over the water. I’m angry about so many things. I’m pissed that he didn’t want me and that he thinks I’m not good enough for him. I’m pissed that I thought I could trust him and that I did wholeheartedly. I’m so angry at myself for sleeping with his brother because, even if Colt and I aren’t together, I know that they’ll never come back from that if he ever finds out.
“Don’t leave me, Pea.”
I turn around to look at him, confusion swimming through me. “What?”
We broke up. He basically broke up with me.
“I was an asshole last night.” He walks closer to me, his face sullen and desperate as his blue eyes beg me to listen. “You wanted to give me this beautiful gift, and believe me, I wanted to accept it.” It sure didn’t seem like he did. “But I just . . .” His hand grips his hair, and I see the stress on his once happy face.
I take one step in his direction. “You what?”
I have to know. I need answers. He’s been so different the last few weeks.
“I let the pressure of my family get to me, and it’s no excuse, Pea. It’s absolutely fucking ridiculous.”
I search his face, hating how responsible he always is but also knowing that’s something I’ve always been attracted to. My whole life, I’ve had no control, but Colt was always so calm and sure. “You can’t live your whole life for them, Colt.”
“I know. My dad has told me since I can remember that it’s my responsibility to carry on the legacy of our family, to uphold the Sterling standards.” I despise the tortured look on his face, knowing that’s been instilled in him since day one. “You know it won’t be Linc to do it. He hates our family, and I can’t put it on Asher.”
“You don’t have to be perfect all of the time.”
He fills the gap between us, his hand cupping my face, his touch soothing. But I also have to fight the recoil I feel knowing I let another man touch me last night. His brother. “That’s why I love you so damn much, Pea. You’re the opposite of me.”
I’m glad I’m wearing the sunglasses because my eyes tear up. “You still think I’m dirty.”
“No.” He looks horrified. “Never. I’m so sorry you thought that last night or ever, Pea. That’s not what I meant.”
“What do you mean then? You’re perfect, so what does that make me?”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “Real. Pea, there’s no such thing as perfect. It’s all fake.”
I stare at him, unsure what to say to that.
His other hand moves to my cheek as he holds me in place, unable to see my eyes through the dark lenses, but it’s still as if he sees me. “I love you. We are different, and the things you’ve been through do scare me.” I swallow the shame, but he holds onto me, his eyes burning through to my soul. “Those things don’t make you dirty. They make you strong, Pea. I’m in awe of you.”
I fight a sob working up in my throat, and I’ve never wanted to disappear more in my life. Why couldn’t he have just said all that last night?
We could have talked and made love, sweetly bonding to each other forever.
He drops his hands to my waist and pulls my body into a hug. “Please don’t leave me, Pea. I love you so damn much.”
I close my eyes and hold onto him, my hand smoothing over his hair. “I love you too.”
“I’m so sorry, Pea.”
I let him hold me, and I struggle not to cry. When I open my eyes, his body still pressed to mine in a tight embrace, I see Linc standing just beyond the other side of the deck, watching us with cold disdain.
“I’m so sorry, Colt.” I whisper as he holds me tighter, my eyes on Linc.
We all destroyed our lives last night, and I know we’ll never be able to truly come back from the wreckage.
One Year Ago
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
I watch my brother cling to P and tell her how sorry he is for last night, and I watch her eat it up as she looks over his shoulder directly at me, at least in my direction. She has dark sunglasses covering her beautiful eyes.
Still somehow, I know her eyes show the shame she has for letting me touch her, for losing control last night and getting swept away in the moment.
I couldn’t take the self-loathing and the animosity I felt toward P last night, so after she fell asleep, I was gone. I spent the night outside in a chair out on the dock, and then when I finally decided to come back to talk to her, I find her with him.
My brother.
He kisses her temple and holds her face in his hands, still not knowing I’m listening and watching them.
“I love you so damn much, Pea. I can’t live without you.”
She looks in my direction briefly before fully focusing on him, and I see her take a shaky breath. “I love you too.”
I feel bile rise in my throat, and my eyes are shooting fire in her direction as I watch his lips press against hers.
I want to strangle them both. The anger and bitterness I feel soaring through my body is no doubt unhealthy as my hands clench at my sides. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving one on her nose. “I’m going to get us some breakfast, and maybe we can take a walk, find somewhere private to eat and talk more.”
She nods, and he quickly goes inside.
She turns away from me, looking out over the railing of the deck toward the lake, but there’s no way in hell she’s getting away from me that easily. I go around and climb the stairs to the deck, moving to her side.
“So that’s it? He says he’s sorry, and you two are just fine?”
She doesn’t turn away from the lake to look at me, and I hear a heavy sigh. “Linc, what was I supposed to do?”
“Maybe try the truth, Penelope?”
She still won’t look at me. “Last night was a stupid mistake.” I fight the anger swelling inside my chest. Fuck her and her mistake. Now she turns to look at me, but I’m still staring straight ahead at the lake, afraid to face her while I’m this fucking furious at her. “I love Colt. I’m his girlfriend.”
Oh, fuck this. I turn to look at her, only seeing red. “I know that, Penelope.” Her name is a sinister growl coming from my lips as our eyes lock, and I hate that she’s wearing those fucking sunglasses. I can’t see her eyes because she wants to hide from everything. I grab the glasses and toss them behind her, looking straight into those deceptive pools of sadness. “You’re my brother’s girlfriend who I fucked last night.”
Her eyes widen in horror as they slide toward the door and then back to me. “Shhh.”
I scoff at that, hating her, feeling nothing but anger. “What are you going to do, P? Let him walk around thinking your virginity is still intact? That you’re saving it for him,” I lean in closer to her, my voice harsh, “when you handed it to me? In fact, you all but begged me to take it.”