He just chuckles softly and pulls me against his chest. “I love you.” I swallow, still not used to hearing that from him or anyone, but he says it so often now, it’s like breathing to him.
“I love you too.”
“I don’t want anyone else, Penelope. And we’re still young. I’m totally fine with just kissing for now. We have the rest of our lives for more.”
I smile and breathe him in. I love the way he smells—clean, masculine, and safe.
“Happy birthday, Colt.”
I can feel him smiling into my hair as he holds my body to his in his bed in the dark bedroom. It’s not much longer before I hear his soft, even breaths, and I know he’s fallen asleep.
I don’t want to leave the safety of his arms, but I’m thirsty and decide to creep down the spiral staircase that leads to their kitchen. Everyone is asleep, and the house is quiet as I try my best not to make a sound.
I don’t want to wake Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. They may care about me, but they wouldn’t like me sneaking in this late at night.
I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water, but my heart leaps into my chest when the kitchen door flings open suddenly.
I close the door and move my hand over my rapidly beating heart as Linc saunters in, clearly drunk as he sizes me up. “P? What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Shhh . . .” I look up the stairs and then back to him. “It’s really late. Don’t wake your parents.”
He laughs at that and slides his black leather jacket off. “They won’t mind. It’s not like they could be any more disappointed in me.”
It pains me that Linc has such a low opinion of himself. I know his parents love him, but Linc is convinced he’s the bad seed, that they love Colt more.
“I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t be too happy that you smell like a brewery. Did you drive yourself home?”
His lips slide up in a sly smirk as an answer, and I roll my eyes.
“So, you don’t care if you kill someone who’s innocent?”
He moves past the large kitchen island and stands in front of me by the fridge. “Speaking of innocent, P . . .” He drags a finger down my arm as his eyes bore into mine. “What are you doing here so late, and wearing only my brother’s t-shirt?”
I look down at the t-shirt I wear when I sleep over. Colt sets it aside for me. It’s just a plain black t-shirt, but it’s my favorite. Linc’s eyes slide over my bare legs and then back up, waiting for my answer. “We were just sleeping.”
His full lips move into a smile as his eyebrows lift. “Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”
I roll my eyes and push his hand away. “We aren’t all whores, Linc.”
He shakes his head, his eyes examining my body again before landing on my face. He’s standing so close I can smell the alcohol on his breath. “So, you didn’t let him fuck you? Come on, P. It’s his birthday.”
I know he’s teasing me. That’s his style. He loves to push buttons and get a rise out of people. “His fifteenth birthday. We’re too young.”
“That sounds like Colt talking.” I swallow tightly, feeling the tension which Linc picks up on as he leans in even closer. “It is, isn’t it? My little brother is the hold-out. I mean, he wouldn’t want to disappoint Mom and Dad by knocking you up before marriage, now would he?”
“You’re a real asshole sometimes, you know that?”
He clutches his chest in mock surprise. “The mouth on you, Penelope.”
“Stop it, Linc.” It’s a warning. I don’t want to fight with him, but he’s pissing me off.
His hands hold onto my arms as his face creeps close to mine. “I like it.”
“You would.”
His eyes grow darker as he looks into mine, as if I’ve challenged him somehow. “You’re not as good as you want them all to believe.” My body stiffens, and I could slap him, but I remain as calm as I possibly can. He continues to push as he holds me in place, a willing victim in his twisted little game. “I see you, P. You wanted it, didn’t you? Tonight, when you were in his bed, you wondered what it would be like to go all the way.”
“Stop.” My plea is meek and ignored.
His hands release their grip, but they slide down over the length of my bare arms, causing goosebumps to form as he speaks, “You wanted to feel his hands on you. You wanted him to rip your clothes off.” He leans in further, his mouth nearing my ear. “You needed his dick inside you.”
“Linc, don’t.”
I hate the words he’s saying. I hate that my breathing increases and I feel hot all over. Because he’s not wrong. There was a part of me that didn’t want to stop with Colt earlier, that wanted him to plead with me to keep going and would have. The dirty girl under the surface, the one I fight constantly because I don’t belong in this world and I want to feel loved. And deep down, I’m terrified of losing Colt.
He pulls back, his dark eyes looking into mine with a sinister knowing look. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me, P.”
“Why do you have to be like this?”
Colt looks up to his big brother. But I also sense there’s some shame there too, that he doesn’t understand Lincoln and wishes he wasn’t so dark and broken.
“You tell me.”
I hate the way he looks at me, like I’m hiding something and only he knows what it is.
Most of all, I hate that I know he does.
I roll over in bed, moving to my side and looking out my large windows at the lake, at the surrounding trees blowing in the wind and the ripples of the crystal blue water. The sight makes me physically ill.
How the hell can Linc live right on a lake?
His mom vehemently tried to talk him out of it, but it was his request. I never should have agreed to move here, but I can’t seem to say no to Nora. She begged me to give college a shot and said she’d feel better if I lived with Linc, that he could keep me safe and help me to not feel so alone. She apparently has no clue who her son is. But I ultimately gave in, knowing I’d hate it here.
I roll to my other side and stare at the closet door. That’s a little better.
I hold up my hand and look at my right wrist, then squeeze my eyes shut tight. Why did I have to get that tattoo?
May 1st.
Today’s date.
Colt’s birthday.
I move to lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling in my bedroom. Being unable to get comfortable is my thing these days. Being stuck with a restless spirit that never feels calm or settled, that’s me.
I can’t escape the thoughts in my head. The memories. No matter how hard I try.
There’s no way I’m going back to sleep, and I’m definitely hungover from doing shots with some hipster douchebag I met on campus yesterday and walked with back to his place. To top it all off, he was a lousy fucking lay.
I mean abysmal. I was never even close to coming. I left his place frustrated and totally unsatisfied.
I climb out of bed and walk to the only bathroom in the house, desperately needing another shower.
It’s like the one I took last night didn’t take or something.
I constantly feel unclean.