“What was that?” Nat yells.
“Which one did ya fuck?!” Isa squeals.
“Costin.” I bury my face in my hands. “I’m an emotional mess.”
“Wedding is still on?” Nat scoots up to me, lifting my head and wiping my tears, then begins applying my makeup.
“Yeah, still on.” I nod as Isa brushes my hair.
“Can you get away with fucking a rock star today, too?” Isa asks, teasing my roots.
“Can I what? No! Why are you the way that you are?” I snort out, missing Charming even more in this moment, knowing they will both miss my The Office reference.
“All done!” Isa declares as we pull up to the swanky oceanfront resort.
“Wow.” I stand from the limo, stretching, and breathe in deeply. I needed this. It’s new, and there are no memories connected to this place. This moment in time belongs to us. Free.
“Okay, let’s get you ladies settled.”
Once Abel has cleared our room, he pulls me to the side.
“Darlin’, I…” I rush to him, hugging him tightly.
“I love you, big guy.” I look up at him, smiling.
“I love you, too. Now, just have fun. Tonight is yours. You are free tonight. I can’t do much, but whatever happens in this room stays in this room. Got it? You are safe, so just… breathe… and dance.” He laughs.
“Hell yeah,” I hoot.
Hours later, we are in our bikinis, dancing around the room, drunk. Stepping onto the bed, I begin jumping as I belt out Truth Hurts, realizing I haven’t felt this free since-
“Room for one more?” I choke, hearing his familiar voice.
“Jonah?” I turn, screaming. “Oh my God! It is you! What are you… Oh, no, nope. Can’t do that! I promised, and I am a bittle drink a lit.” I giggle. “Wait, that’s not right.”
“Shh, just shut up and dance with me, beautiful.” He grins, jumping to the floor and reaching out for me. Shrugging, I launch myself into his arms, nearly knocking him off his feet. Once he rights us, we begin dancing. “When you sober up a bit, we’re gonna talk.”
“Shh, no talky.” I laugh, pressing a finger to his lips.
“Okay, no talky.” He pulls me to him, pushing a bottle of water into my hands. “Drinky.”
Ten songs and three bottles of water later, I follow him onto the deck, putting my arms on the railing and looking out at the water.
“Feeling better?” He leans against the rails beside me, watching the ocean roll in and out.
“Yeah… Have you ever been jealous of the waves, Jonah?”
He turns to me, puzzled. “No, why would I be?”
“When I was younger, my father used to tell me how dangerous the water was. I can still hear him laughing at my fear of the waves while trying to warn me of the real dangers below the surface. ‘The waves are simply the ocean dancing, Princess. The real danger is what you can’t see, so never go in alone. The currents will pull you under and turn you around until you have no idea which way is up.’” I smile at Jonah, wiping away a stray tear.
“He’s a smart man.” Jonah nods.
“Yes, he was. See, those waves are the most carefree part of the water. No matter how hard the ocean tries to pull them back in, to break them of their dance… their freedom… it can’t. Those waves-” I motion to the water, whispering. “-are everything I try to be. What’s not to envy, Jonah? Their spirit? Their strength?” Wiping away another tear, I look into his eyes, my voice breaking. “The currents are winning, Jonah. They have pulled me under, and I am drowning.”
“Eliana.” He huffs out my name as if he’s been punched.
“I wanna be a wave, Jonah.”
“Then let’s be waves, beautiful.” He takes my hand.
“Things are different now.” We both look at my ring.
“A current?” he asks.
“No, he’s drowning, too. He just won’t admit it.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I smile, stepping off the deck and wiggling my toes in the sand. “If I can’t be a wave, then at least we can dance with them.” I grin up at Jonah and then sprint down the sand into the water, screaming when the first wave rushes over my feet.
“It’s three a.m.! You’ll freeze.” Jonah sweeps me up, trying to carry me back to the dry sand when an unexpected surge of water knocks us over.
“Holy shit, that’s cold,” he yells out, and I laugh.
“You feel that, Jonah?”
“The cold? Yeah I feel it.” He scoops me into his arms and carries my shivering body up the shore, placing me on a lounge, and runs up to grab the blanket from the deck. Sitting behind me, he pulls my back to his chest and wraps the blanket around us both.
“That, Jonah, was a wave trying to remind me who I am.” I lean into him, shivering, slowly warming back up as my eyes begin to get heavy.
“And who is that, beautiful?”
“I am Eliana Annalise Jameson, and I am a hell of a lot stronger than the woman I have allowed myself to become.”
“Yeah, and what are you going to do about that?” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“I’m going to fight back.” I drift off but whisper, “Thank you for being my friend tonight, Jonah.”
“Thank you for letting me.” He rubs my arm.
“Will you sing for me?”
“Whatever you need, beautiful,” he replies, resting his head atop mine, softly singing a song I’ve never heard before as I fall asleep.
“When the shadows start to creep back in and the darkness haunts your dreams, you simply have to say my name. I would walk through hell to pull you back to me…”
Chapter Sixteen
Costin
“Well that was a fucking bust.” I sigh, dropping down onto the couch in the basement once the room has finally cleared. “I’m going to crash for an hour or so before we have to start getting ready.”
“Yeah, me too.” Jaxx runs his hand through his hair, sitting in the chair across from me. “I really thought Douglass would show, Cos. I don’t know how I am going to tell Abel. What will I say to Eliana? We are getting married today, and then I am immediately going to head out to search for the girl. Happy honeymoon, baby. No, I can’t tell you where I am going or when I will be back. Is it safe? Well…”
“Fuck you, Jaxx. Get the hell out!” I stand quickly, overwhelmed with jealousy, shoving him from the chair. “At least you get to be with her! You know what this is like for me? I get to watch her get married to a man she isn’t even in love with while I sit to the side, pretending to be the man-whore they expect me to be. Every time I have to touch another woman, I want to puke.”
“Fuck me, brother?” he chokes out. “You know what it’s like to be the man that loves her, knowing she doesn’t love you in return? Do you know what it’s like to look into the eyes of the girl that owns your entire heart and hear her call you her very best friend? To see your ring on her finger and know that it means nothing to her but everything to you. To hold her in your arms at night and then give her to the man you call your brother the very next day? Wrecking your own heart continuously because no matter what you feel, her heart comes first every time. So, brother, tell me more about your suffering. Because, no matter what else is going on, she loves you back.”