At the time, it had felt like something was happening. The longer I went without Aver there, without anyone, I'd felt like screaming and pulling my hair out all at once. I didn't like thinking about it now, nor the fact that the itchy wrong feeling that had started when I woke up alone hadn't truly gone away until I was in Aver's arms again.
Meeting the others had been a distraction, but one I didn't need now. I was warm again. "You were gone for a long time," I said, feeling like a petulant child. But I hadn't done anything wrong. I wouldn't be ashamed. "I couldn't handle the solitude. I remembered you said there were bikes, so I decided I'd try to ride into town. Do some sightseeing."
This was supposed to be a vacation, after all.
Aver's body had gone very still. His face looked carved from marble, stony and unchanging. "You rode a bike? The cabin is at least a two-hour bike ride to town."
I pushed my hair back with one hand. "Yeah, I realized that an hour in, but then someone drove by and asked where I was heading."
"You hitchhiked?" The longer I explained what had happened, the stiller Aver became. If he'd been marble before, he was as unmovable as a mountain now.
"What? I've hitchhiked before. The guy was nice, and he gave me a tip to go to the cafe where I found Riley, Phin, and Kansas."
Aver winced as I spoke those three names.
I'd been waiting for this feeling, the one that was like having your heart torn apart slowly while your head was being shoved under water. I nearly reached out to touch his skin, if only so his carnal warmth would distract me from this feeling. "I'll go, okay? I'm sorry. Clearly this place is not a place you wanted to share with me. This life isn't something you ever meant for me to see. Hold nothing back? Isn't that what you asked from me last night, Aver?" I would have given anything to stop the angry tears from burning my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I would be crying, but later when I was alone to blub in peace.
He moved so quickly he was like a blur, stopping in front of the door. "Hollister, wait."
Was he blocking my exit? Fear made my throat squeeze, but I didn't need to be afraid, right? This was Aver, the man capable of keeping me on the edge of orgasm for hours. The man who tended to my every need when we were together. But that had been before I knew about his double life. Did I know Aver at all?
"Are you keeping me here?" I asked quietly.
"No," he growled, but he didn't move. "You are free to make your own choices, but please, let me try to explain."
From somewhere outside of Aver's bedroom, a baby started to cry. The sound allowed me to hold back my sobs for a little bit longer as angry curiosity replaced despair. "Are you married?"
He glowered.
What—the fuck—ever. If he wanted to live two lives, he could handle my suspicion.
"I'm not married. I don't have a partner."
"Is that kid yours?" I nodded toward the wall that faced the rest of the house.
"No."
No partner, no kids. I exhaled just a little.
"You live here, though? I mean, I guess I knew you didn't live in Lawrence. You said he was a vacation-hobby home. I could have done more due diligence there, but… you live here? Right?" I lunged for the wall with the trophies and grabbed the first one my fingers touched. "You can't really lie even if you wanted to. This room literally has your name all over it. See, right here. Aver Walker?"
I couldn't believe it even though the proof was literally in front of me.
"You're a Walker? Like Walkerton? Walker County? Walker Lake? Walker Bay?"
Aver scratched his chin, looking down and to the side. "There's a Walker Street too. And the Walker Memorial."
"You're not making it better." I wished I could growl like he did. Any of my attempts would just be pitiful in comparison.
"I'm sorry, Hollister. I've said as much already, and I'll say it however many more times you need me to before you believe me. I didn't want you to know about this part of my life because…" He let out a ragged breath. "I don't like the person I am here."
"Why?"
This had been what he'd held back when we first met. He didn't look all that thrilled to be talking about it now either. But we'd gone past the point of waiting for him to be ready. This man had been inside my body. He'd changed me in a way that I didn't know if I could reverse, and the real reason I'd left the cabin was because I'd been hoping to run into him. Leaving him without leaving a piece of myself was already a hopeless endeavor.
So the only thing that makes sense, buddy, is to leave before you can lose anymore of yourself.
Could I? Or was I that far gone?
"It's complicated, but basically, in Walker County, I am in the closet. Sort of. Everyone in this house knows."
Relief came over me. "Thank fuck." I didn't want to think about what would have happened if they hadn't.
"A few other people in my life know, but the majority doesn't. My parents don't."
"Do your parents live here too?" It was a big house, but for me to live with my parents at the age I was now, that house would have to be a palace.
"No." He snorted, and I hated how good it felt to see that he could still smile.
I was supposed to be angry and deciding if I was leaving. I lowered my brow, trying to look the part. "But they come by?"
"No. They've never been here either. But they live on the island. On the other side of the bay. I visit them occasionally. It's complicated."
I believed it was for him, but I was finally getting the puzzle pieces I'd needed. I wished he would've told me some of it ahead of time. Mostly, I was uncomfortable with the parts that made me feel like I was the dirty secret. What Aver chose to do with his private information was fine, but I'd spent too much of my life learning to accept every part of who I was to spend time with someone who was ashamed of me. And he hadn't seemed all that excited to have me here with his family. What other reason could there be?
But, when I'd offered to leave, he hadn't seemed pleased with that idea.
"Riley seems nice. They all did, actually. They were in the coffee shop when I walked in. I got a coffee, but when I went to find a table, they waved me over."
His lips twitched. He'd moved out from directly in front of the door but still looked ready to tackle me if I went for it. "Riley got Phin here almost exactly the same way."
"Kansas is a hoot. I haven't met his husband…"
"Wyatt."
"Right, Wyatt, he said that. I hear he's a character. They said he was coming back any minute." There. If Aver had a problem with me being here with his family, that should be enough for him to show his true colors.
Aver didn't say anything. He sighed, dropping to his knees in front of me. He grabbed my hands so slowly I had ample time to refuse.
I didn't.
"I'm not mad that you met them, Hollister. They're lucky. Their lives will be better now that they know you."
Damn, why did he have to be so smooth while also knowing what I was thinking? That couldn't be legal. "I thought I was the king of compliments."