Chapter One
FIVE YEARS EARLIER
“Kyle. I think my water just broke.” I lean against the kitchen counter; contractions are beginning to move rapidly through my body. It’s unlike any pain I have ever felt before. My teeth grind together but the pain continues on until the contraction passes.
“And? What do you want me to do? If it broke, get in the car,” He tosses, never moving his eyes from the TV screen in his small apartment. When a basketball game is on, he can’t be bothered by anything else.
It wasn’t always this way. When we first met, he was sweet. He always opened doors for me and would take me on sweet, romantic date nights. Then after a year into our relationship, everything changed. He became the mean, human being I’m staring at now. There is always something wrong with anything I do. I can’t even cut my damn steak to his perfection and he lets it be known.
I dress wrong. I speak wrong. I call my parents too often.
Then I found out I was pregnant. While I don’t regret getting pregnant with this baby, I do regret who I got pregnant by. But still, I hoped things would change. I hoped this baby would open his eyes and revert him to the way he used to act when we first began our relationship. Wishful thinking is my downfall.
“Are you not going to drive me?” I ask in disbelief. This cannot be happening. Of all times for him to be an ass, he has to do it when I’m in the process of giving birth to his child? “I’m not sure it’s safe to drive in this condition, Kyle.”
“Then call your parents, they’ll be thrilled to drive you, I’m sure.” Again, his eyes never leave that damn screen. He always makes small jabs at my parents, poking fun at how close we are and how much they help me. I assume these emotions are rooted from not having any parents himself throughout his life. My parents have never seen eye to eye with Kyle; I should have listened to them when they told me he was no good for me, but I was stubborn and thought I was in love.
“Kyle.” His name rolls past my lips with menace. He’s still unfazed.
“Kyle,” I repeat, raising my voice slightly. Still nothing.
“KYLE!” I shout. This causes him to turn his head slowly. He looks me in the eyes, and I can tell he’s pissed at my outburst, but dammit, I am in labor.
“I’m watching the fucking game, Kelsi. If you can’t fuckin’ wait, get in your damn car and leave. I don’t have time for your shit anymore.” His gaze moves back to the basketball game. He raises a beer bottle to his lips and takes a long swig, his eyes darting to mine. Anger flashes across his face.
It’s in this moment that I realize I cannot raise a child with this man. Nothing good could possibly come from it and I cannot continue to put myself through this misery. The type of father he will be is not something my child will benefit from. I am so furious with myself for allowing this type of behavior to be normal to me for this long.
The contractions are coming quicker and quicker. I swipe my keys from the counter beside me and walk toward the door, stopping just before I step over the threshold.
“Are you going to come to the hospital?” I ask, giving him one last chance to make this right. One last chance to come with me and put it all behind us.
He chooses to ignore me. His pregnant girlfriend. His pregnant girlfriend who is currently in labor. The same pregnant girlfriend who is about to drive herself to the hospital to give birth.
I turn on my heel, closing the door behind me with a slam. Fuck him.
I climb into my car before the tears roll down my cheeks. I shouldn’t be crying for that dickhead, but dammit it hurts all the same. My baby doesn’t deserve to be raised by an inconsiderate prick.
I dial my mom’s number; she answers on the second ring.
“Hi, baby. How’re you?” Mom has such a sweet southern drawl to her voice; it instantly calms me, just like it has my entire life. My mom has always been an amazing woman. She supported my sister and me in anything we wanted to achieve.
“Mom. I need you. My water just broke in Kyle’s apartment, I’m about to head to the hospital now.” I choke out the last part as another contraction barrels through.
“Okay, honey. We’re on our way. Just breathe. Get there safely.” She disconnects the phone call and I drop it into the cup holder beside me. I shift into reverse and pull out of Kyle’s driveway. I don’t even bother looking in the rearview mirror as I pull away.
Once I get to the hospital, I barely make it to the receptionists desk.
“Can I help you?” An elderly woman asks as she pushes her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose.
“I’m Kelsi Fran, my water just broke and the contractions are-” I don’t get my words out before collapsing onto a passing nurse. I’m moved into a wheelchair and rushed away to Labor and Delivery.
It took a total of fifteen minutes for my sweet baby to arrive. Labor was too quick for an epidural so I gave birth naturally and felt every damn part of it. Three pushes and he was out, a baby boy I named Carson Andrew. The nurse places him on my chest and I’m overwhelmed at the natural love I feel for this tiny being so quickly.
His little body is tucked under my hospital gown and warmth spreads across my chest. I nuzzle his little face with my cheek and place a delicate kiss to his ear. He has a head full of dark hair and the most perfect little lips I’ve ever seen. His cheeks are full and smooshed against me.
There’s a knock at the door, I glance up and my heart stops. Just as I’m thinking Kyle finally made it, made it to meet our little, perfect boy, my parents step around, coming into view. My mom already has tears in her eyes, and she takes in the scene before her. Her baby, with a baby. Our eyes connect and I feel the tears form in mine.
“Hi,” I whisper. My mom tosses her purse into the chair beside the hospital bed and slowly approaches, tears streaming down her face as she gets her first good look at her grandson. Dad follows behind, moving to my other side. His giant hand cradles Carson’s hospital cap. The image causes me to think about how I’m the only one in this world who this little boy will one-hundred percent rely on his entire life.
“You did good, peanut.” Peanut. I love that nickname. He’s called me this my entire life, never faltering and only using my real name when I was in trouble.
“Thanks, Daddy.” I smile up at him as he kisses my cheek.
“Baby, where’s Kyle?” my mom asks, tearing her eyes away from Carson long enough to look around the room and realize there is no Kyle. I glance to the clock in front of my bed; it’s been three hours and he hasn’t arrived yet. The game should have ended a while ago, and yet he still isn’t here. I grab my phone beside me, no missed calls.
He didn’t even bother calling.
I look back to my mom, her tears falling quicker now. She glances from me to Carson.
“He’s not coming, Momma,” I sigh in defeat. “He chose a stupid, fucking basketball game over the birth of his son.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” She squeezes my hand as the nurse steps over to take Carson.
“We just need to borrow this little guy for a bit, Momma. He needs a bath and we’re going to get all his labs while he is down in the nursery with us. We will bring him back before his next feeding,” she says as she gently pulls my sweet boy from my chest. A chest that was once filled with warmth and love and is now filled with hatred for the man who helped create that angel.