My heart filled, and I wanted to grab him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to pull him down to me and show him just how perfect he was to me. But I couldn’t, because that damn woman was talking again, stealing Luc’s gaze from me when I only wanted to continue to hold it.
“Luc, what drew you toward Natalie?”
He hesitated before looking down at me again. “Initially?”
“Yes.”
“Her spirit. The first moment I met her, I knew she had this fire inside her that wouldn’t be banked. It lit up the entire room.” His lips curled on one side in such a sexy way, I ached to kiss that grin from his lips. “And I knew that fire was going to be trouble for me, that she was going to be trouble, but no matter how hard I tried to avoid her, I couldn’t get her out of my head.”
I smiled up at him and squeezed his arm, knowing that had been true. He’d loved the way I’d challenged him at the beginning. He still did now.
“Natalie?” Abigail said. “Same question. What drew you initially to Luc?”
I tipped my head and studied him as he continued to look down at me. The man was drop-dead gorgeous. Dark, Italian, sexier than all get-out. I hadn’t missed that at first glance, but it hadn’t been what had drawn me. “His eyes.”
“They are very unique with that coloboma.”
“No, that wasn’t it. As soon as I looked at him I knew there was more to him than the arrogant CEO he wanted me to believe he was. It was like looking at a mask. His eyes gave that away. The real him was hiding. And the more I saw of him, the more I wanted to know who that was.”
His features softened, and he squeezed my knee again in a way that sent tingles all across my skin.
He’d told me before that I was the only person who’d ever seen the real him, and I wanted him to know that I still did. I knew who and what he was even if he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Luc,” Abigail said, interrupting our moment again. “If there’s one thing you could tell Natalie that she either doesn’t know or doesn’t completely believe, what would that be?”
He stared down at me for several moments, then said, “I would tell her that she’s my family now. She’s the only family that matters to me. And family comes before everything else. She will always come first.”
I believed that. I would always believe it. But I also knew that his House would do whatever it could to make sure he wasn’t allowed to put me first.
“Natalie? Same question.”
I cleared my throat, forcing myself to stay tough so I wouldn’t cry. “The only thing I’d tell him is what he already knows deep in his heart.” Holding his gaze, I said, “You are not defined by your name, or your title, or where you came from, or the people who created you. You aren’t them, Luc. You’re nothing like them. And they have no power over you so long as you don’t give it to them.”
His eyes grew misty, and he blinked rapidly and squeezed my leg again. And when he leaned toward me and kissed the top of my head, I closed my eyes and held on to him, drawing in his scent, his warmth, telling myself if I reminded him of that enough, someday he’d believe it.
“I think that’s a perfect segue to the next part of Luc’s therapy.”
Swiping at the stupid tears threatening to spill over, I glanced toward Abigail, wondering what she meant.
She met my gaze head-on. “Natalie, for the remainder of our session, you’ll need to step outside.”
“What?” I looked toward Luc. “But I thought—”
“There are things we need to discuss regarding the Entente that you cannot be present for,” Abigail cut in. “I’m sure you are aware there are very specific rules. Just because you are a spouse does not grant you special permissions.”
My jaw clenched down hard as I looked back at her. “But those rules don’t apply to you?”
“I have special clearance from House Merrick. And, as a professional in the medical community, a very specific doctor-patient confidentiality agreement that will not be breached. I can assure you of that.”
Bullshit. I did not trust this woman one bit. She just wanted to get Luc alone for... I wasn’t sure what, but something I didn’t want to imagine.
“It’s okay, angioletto.” Luc squeezed my knee again. “I’ll be fine. She’s right. There are things I need to talk about that I can’t tell you. Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t want to put you in danger. It’s safer this way.”
I didn’t believe that. There were things he was ashamed to discuss with me. Things he thought would make me see him differently.
“Are you sure? Because if you’re not—”
“I’m sure.” He lifted a hand to my cheek and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”
I wanted him to kiss my lips. I wanted him to pull me in and show this bitch that he was mine and I was his and she couldn’t have him. But he didn’t. He just drew back and smiled down at me with those worried, stressed eyes that were once again like a mask, hiding things from me.
Abigail pushed to her stiletto-booted feet and crossed to the door. “This may take a while. You’re welcome to sit in the waiting room, but I’m sure you’d be more comfortable at the café downstairs. Or, if you’re in the mood for something stronger, there are several pubs in the area.” She tugged the door open, indicating it was way past time for me to leave. “Eve has your cell phone number and will call you as soon as we’re done.”
Luc rose and tugged me to my feet. With my head spinning and my stomach swirling, I looked up at him, fighting what this woman wanted me to do, needing to stay with him.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Go. We’ll be done here before you know it. Just... Don’t go far.”
His words didn’t ease my anxiety any, but when he pushed me forward and let go of me, I felt myself crossing the floor as if in a daze.
I startled when the door snapped shut behind me and looked around the empty waiting room once more. The blonde was back at her desk, clicking away on her keyboard. I thought about sitting back on that couch under the window, picking up one of those magazines on the side tables and waiting, but I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. I’d strain and listen for any sound coming from the door at my back, and I’d imagine all kinds of things happening on that couch, on that stupid desk that was like an altar up on that raised platform.
Before I could change my mind, I rushed for the door and didn’t draw a deep breath until I was outside the old church, standing on the street near the high, iron fence that surrounded the property, shivering in the cool October air.
With shaky fingers, I tugged my cell phone from my pocket and looked down at the screen. It was two-thirty p.m. That doctor—or whatever she was—had cleared her entire schedule to treat Luc. And she’d told me it would be hours before she was done. Hours in which I would worry and conceivably make myself crazy imagining worst-case scenarios.
I’d never last.
Shoving the phone back into my pocket, I headed for the sidewalk and went searching for a bar—any bar—to save my sanity.