“Don’t chicken out.”
“I won’t.” I might. “We may not even be compatible.”
“You won’t know that until you have sex.”
“Carla?” I was nowhere near ready for sex. I’d been with one guy. My jerk of an ex-husband and to say he was boring in bed might be too kind of a description. “I can’t think that far ahead.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“Have you seen him?”
“Okay, get the date squared away and we’ll go from there.”
“I’ll try.”
“What am I going to do with you?” She hugged me. “We need to get you back in action and Xavier is just the man to do it.”
That’s what scares me.
Xavier
As we walked inside the library, Zoey skipped along holding both mine and Kara’s hands. To anyone observing us, we looked like a family. A happy one at that. In one weeks time, this little girl, my little girl, had totally captivated me.
She and Kara had on matching leather boots that stopped at their knees. They both wore dresses and had curled their hair. I imagined them giggling as they got ready for our lunch date. The two of them made a perfect pair but I wanted to fit into their equation. I wanted to be there when they got ready. Tucking Zoey in at night, and then having a glass of wine with Kara as we discussed our day seemed like an attainable goal. One that I had never seen for myself until now.
My attorney was not thrilled with me at the moment. But during our last meeting, she had said that I didn’t have many rights when it came to Zoey. Because my name wasn’t on the birth certificate, I had no rights to custody, visitation, or paying child support. Plus, there was the matter of establishing paternity. There was no doubt in my mind that Zoey belonged to me but legally, we needed a DNA test.
The whole process of DNA, custody, and establishing my parental rights seemed too lengthy of a process. It could take years to set it all straight. It also seemed too disruptive for Kara and Zoey. In my heart, I knew the truth. Did it matter if Zoey never really knew who I was? Couldn’t we forge forward from here and start our lives together? I could still be the only father she ever knew.
According to John, if I were going to go that route, I’d have to relinquish control. He wasn’t convinced I’d be able to do that when it came to Zoey. He was probably right but given my options, I didn’t have solid footing when it came to my daughter. Not yet.
“Do you like my new boots?” Zoey stuck out her foot to show me. “They’re just like Mommy’s.”
“They’re perfect,” I said. “You look beautiful.”
“Mommy looks beautiful too, right?” Zoey asked.
“Zoey,” Kara whispered.
“Mommy looks stunning,” I admitted.
“Stunning,” Zoey repeated. “Does that mean pretty?”
“Yes.” I stared into Kara’s eyes. “It does.”
“Thank you.” She quietly looked away but I noticed the blush in her cheeks.
Had I embarrassed her with the truth? I had to find a way to navigate our relationship. Was she interested in more than a friendship? Was she overly cautious because of her daughter? How could I explain to her that I would never hurt them? Telling her the truth might be a good place to start.
“Look at all the books!” Zoey exclaimed.
“Shh.” Kara pressed her finger to her lips. “We’re in a quiet space, remember?”
“Oh, right.” She looked up at me. “Sorry.”
“I get excited when I see all the books too.” I tapped her nose with my finger. “When I was a child, we didn’t have a lot of money, so I spent much of my time in the library.”
“Our library is much smaller than this one,” Kara explained. “Zoey’s gone through most of those books.”
“I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening here.”
As we continued into the main entrance, Penelope came toward us. Her mother was good friends with my brother and his wife. Her goal was to obtain a degree in Library Sciences. Getting her the job here was a good fit. The only problem was…
“X.” She kissed my cheek before giving me a hug, holding onto me a little longer than she should. “They told me you were coming.”
Penelope was a great kid. She was intelligent, determined, and worked hard. She was good at pursuing her goals. Too bad she thought I was one of her goals.
“Hi.” Penelope beamed at Zoey. “You must be here for the tour.”
“I love books.” Zoey took my hand again.
“Me too.” Penelope glanced at Kara.
“Penny,” I said. “This is Kara and Zoey Cartwright. “
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Penny.” Kara smiled at her.
“Nice to meet you too.”
Kara seemed sincere. Penny not so much.
“Are you friends with X?” Penny spoke to Zoey.
Zoey nodded as she moved closer to me.
“You’re lucky.” Penny grinned at me. “He’s great.”
“We have lunch reservations in about an hour,” I informed her. “I’d love for you to show Zoey the children’s library before that. She’s an avid reader. I thought you could make some recommendations for her. “
“I’d love to.” She touched my shoulder. “You know I never mind doing a favor for you.”
I caught Kara smirking as she pretended to read some titles on a display bookcase across from the circulation desk.
“Lead the way.” I motioned toward the children’s section.
“Would you like to walk with me, Zoey?” Penny asked. “I can show you some really cool stuff on the way.”
Zoey gazed up at Kara, seeking permission.
“You can.” Kara swiped the hair from Zoey’s face. “We’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay.” Zoey let go of us, took a step forward but then turned back and grabbed my hand and placed it in Kara’s hand. “Now I can go.”
“Great.” Penny’s voice was flat. “Let’s go.”
Zoey walked next to Penny, instantly taking to her as they held a cheerful conversation about princesses, unicorns, and ponies.
“Sorry.” Kara tried to remove her hand from mine. “Zoey’s very comfortable around you.”
“No.” I continued to keep her hand in mine because when our hands touched, a charge flowed through me. A surge that brought me to life. I hadn’t felt this alive in years. I wasn’t supposed to want this but I did. I wanted her. I wanted it all.
I shouldn’t but the more time I spent with Kara, the more I seemed to want. I wanted a relationship with my daughter but her mother intrigued me. More than she should. Instead of taking my lawyer’s advice and stepping away before I complicated matters any more than I already had, I decided to do things my way. I didn’t become the man I was today by not following my gut. For now, this was the path I had put myself on and now I had to see where it would lead me.
“Penny is quite taken with you.” Kara broke my thoughts of dishonesty and betrayal.
“Penny is a little young for me.” Penny and Zoey entered the children’s library as Kara and I took a seat on the couch across from the spacious area. “She’s twenty-one. I’m not interested.”