“You’ve thought this through. You have a plan.”
“Don’t I always?”
“You were impulsive when it came to meeting Zoey and her mother. That’s out of character for you.”
“Our initial meeting didn’t go as planned. I’ll admit that. I had to improvise.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t there.” He arched a brow at me. “And the second meeting? I’m guessing there was a second meeting.”
“Last night, I went to dinner with them.”
“I see.”
“Zoey invited me. We went to some commercialized family restaurant that I had no idea existed. It was loud and the food was horrible but it was the most fun I’d had in years.” Watching her face light up when they brought out that chocolate shake with all the whipped cream and cherries on top was the highlight of my week. I wanted more of those moments.
“You haven’t done anything personal in years. It’s all business and business functions. Work trips, no vacations for pleasure.”
“I went to Greece over the summer.”
“To look at a lucrative business opportunity.”
“I met up with friends and had dinner.” I stretched out my legs. “I know you don’t agree with any of this.”
“It’s not my job to agree,” he said. “It’s my job to listen. I’ve known you long enough to know that you have to work things out in your own time. I’m your sounding board. Tell me about Zoey.”
“She has my eyes and Lanie’s smile. She’s smarter than the average four-year old. Kara reads to her every day. She’s articulate for her age but I sense a neediness.”
“What do you mean?”
“As I said, the man who adopted her, and I won’t call him her father.” I’m her father.
“But you do consider Kara her mother.”
“Kara didn’t abandon Zoey. She’s there every day being her mother. She didn’t leave her with no emotional support or any financial stability.”
“Like your father did to you, your mother, and brother?”
“My father isn’t worth my therapy time anymore. We’ve moved past him.” My father left my family when I was ten. He never looked back. “I won’t do the same thing to my child.”
“What happened with your father is very different from what’s happening with you and Zoey. You had no control over this situation and I have a feeling that’s what’s driving you.” He typed something into his tablet. “You want control because you didn’t have it when you were a child.”
“I want to know my child. That’s the difference between me and the man who got my mother pregnant.”
“You could have done that by allowing your attorney to reach out to them.”
“You see what they say about me in the papers and on-line. If someone approached Kara and told them I was Zoey’s biological father, how do you think she would have reacted?”
“You didn’t give her the chance to react.”
“She owes me nothing because legally, I’m screwed. Do you know how creative my legal team would have to be to get me any rights when it comes to Zoey? This could take years. My way is better.”
“Lying to them is better?”
“I’m not going to lie forever. I want them to get to know me. To allow them to understand who I am. That I only have the best intentions when it comes to my daughter.”
“Let’s go back to Zoey’s neediness.”
“She took to me immediately. I want to believe that it’s because we have this connection. Perhaps her heart knows who I am.”
“Do you think that’s it?”
“Of course not.” I dealt in facts and rational thoughts. “She’s craving a father figure. Kara is doing the best she can but they’re struggling even if she does a good job of hiding it. She’s conflicted. She’s careful with me. As she should be. She has a child to protect but she wants Zoey to be happy.”
“Is there a possibility that Kara thinks you’re interested in her?”
“I suppose she could but I haven’t done anything to suggest that. The situation is complicated enough. I can’t blur the lines.”
“You believe that she thinks you’re hanging around because you like her daughter?”
“I like them both. I hadn’t thought about that. I guess it is kind of strange if you don’t know the circumstances.” Does Kara think I’m pursuing her? “She’s a beautiful woman but I haven’t given her any indication that I want to date her.”
“When are you seeing them again?”
“Tonight.”
“Three days in a row but you don’t think there is any possibility that this woman might think you’re interested in her?” He took more notes. “For a smart man…”
“She’s someone I could see myself with but that’s not why I approached them.”
“I’m going to state this for the record. Not because you’re going to listen to me and not because what I think you’re doing is catastrophic.” He set his tablet on his desk. “You’re my patient, first and foremost, and this path you’ve chosen to travel has the potential to not only blow up in your face but it could destroy Zoey, who I’ll remind you, is a child who can’t possibly understand how or why her biological father came to be in her life. Her mother will figure it out and she’ll remember every lie you told right down to the first time you introduced yourself and you weren’t honest.”
“Don’t you think I know all of this?”
“I’m going to say one more thing before our session is over and I want you to analyze it long and hard.”
“I always do.”
“It took you years to get over what your father did to your mother. How he left you and your brother with an empty refrigerator and no way to survive. You did not abandon Zoey. You can still salvage this. Tell them who you are and move forward from there. It may take time but everything works out in the end.”
“I’ve already lost four years of her life.” I stood from the couch, determined to make this work for all of us. “I’m not wasting another second.”
6
Kara
After dinner, Xavier helped me clean up the dishes. He was dressed more casually than the other times I’d seen him. Faded jeans and a dark blue buttoned-down shirt graced his athletic form. His stubble grew a bit thicker tonight, covering his sculpted jaw and chin. It was sexy.
“You’re staring at me.”
When I heard his deep, smooth voice, I realized he had busted me.
“Oh.” I tried to recover. “I was just thinking you probably don’t do dishes.”
“Not anymore.” He dried his hands on a paper towel. “I didn’t grow up rich. Far from it.”
“That’s why you’re such a success story.”
“I’m just determined. I have a head for business strategy. I see what others can’t. When I graduated from college, I took a huge risk on a deal that most people turned down. It paid off for me.”