Now I know how Rem felt when I brought Jules here without asking him first. I guess payback is a bitch, huh?
Rem and Dad drill her with questions; like what she’s been up to, how her grandparents are, what she’s studying. Things of that nature. It’s nauseating to hear her spew all these wonderful things about her life.
Stop, Sebastian. Stop being a douchebag.
It’s wrong, deep down, I know it’s wrong to be angry with her, but I can’t help it. It’s like something inside of me has snapped, and all the ugly, dark pieces I’ve swallowed down over the years are leaking out. I can feel Rem watching me, and I do my best to ignore his cynical gaze.
Tipping my beer back, I let out a grunt of disapproval when nothing comes out. Guess I’ve drunk it all. My body itches for more alcohol, but I don’t grab another beer. Instead, I lean against the counter and stare off into space. A moment later, Rem gets up from the couch and enters the kitchen plucking a chip from a bowl on the counter.
“Why the depressed face?”
“Not depressed.”
Rem smirks, “No, you’re just in a sour as fuck mood. Any particular reason why?”
My eyes turn to slits, it’s not often I want to slug my brother, but right now, I would love to. “No reason at all. I mean it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you made me pick her up, then there’s the little tidbit of inviting her without even talking to me first.”
He shrugs, “How was I supposed to know you would be so butthurt about it. I figured you would like having her around.” Idiot.
“Like having the spitting image of my dead girlfriend sitting in the same room as me.” I mock, and give him a fake smile, “Totally excited, just bursting at the seams with joy over it.”
Rem taps his chin, his lips curling into a smug grin, “This kind of reminds me of a similar situation. Remember when you didn’t ask me when you invited Jules?”
“Don’t act like that,” I hiss, my fist clenching without thought, “this isn’t even remotely the same circumstance, and if this is some sick twisted way of you getting back at me…” My voice trails off. I don’t finish because I’m not sure what I would do. Nothing. There is nothing that I can do. If it wasn’t for her being here, I wouldn’t be in such a shitty mood. She’s a permanent reminder of what I lost, and I hate it.
“It’s not. I’m not an asshole.” Rem smirks, adding, “Most of the time.”
“Then why invite her?” Feeling like a cunt for even asking.
He shoves another chip into his mouth, “Her and Jules were friends, plus her whole family used to be close to ours. Not to mention that Lily lost her family the same way Jules lost her father and brother. I mean they’ve both lost everything. Have you ever thought about that? About how much she lost that day? I know you lost too, but Lily lost a sister, her father, and her mother.” There’s a brief pause, and I know what he’s trying to do, trying to break through my senses, but what he doesn’t know is that I know all these things already. I feel them. I feel Lily’s pain. It surrounds me.
“I don’t understand why you are so pissed about her being here. Did something happen between you two?” Rem interrupts my thoughts.
I don’t even understand why I’m so pissed. What the hell am I going to tell him? That I’m secretly drowning in my own misery because a girl I loved died, but her sister didn’t, and she’s a walking reminder of her.
Ha, no. I’m not ready to talk about this yet. I’m barely ready to recognize it for what it is. So instead of giving him an answer, I ignore his words and stare at the wall blankly.
Rem’s gaze narrows conspicuously, “You aren’t acting like yourself, so whatever it is that’s bothering you so much, it’s not my fault. I wasn’t going to go home and tell Jules that I saw Lily, but I didn’t invite her when I had the chance. That would’ve been a shit thing to do, and we both know it.”
“Whatever,” I shake my head, and shoulder past him. As I enter the living room, all conversation stops. Lily’s gaze drops to her hands, and Jules stares daggers at me like I’ve done something to piss her off.
Great. Less than twenty minutes in their presence, and Lily already has them all hating me.
Shoving down into the other recliner, I look to the TV where Dad has a football game on, I stare at the screen pretending to be immersed in the game.
Pretending like she isn’t even here.
The doorbell rings a moment later, and Dad shoves from his recliner with a groan.
“Don’t get old girls, it’s all downhill from here.”
“Already there,” Jules laughs.
When he reappears, he’s holding four pizza boxes. Everyone gets up all at once, and piles into the kitchen to eat while I remain glued to my seat. My appetite is gone, and even though I know I’m being a party pooper, I can’t seem to let go of the feelings I’m having.
It’s annoying. Infuriating. I should probably just go home, but I can’t do that to Jules. Call me a sadist, but I’d rather suffer through the pain. I spend the rest of the night trying to ignore everybody. Jules seems to have a great time even with me dragging down the party.
Lily sips on her root beer, pretending, just like I am. I can see it, the tension in her face, the way her body is angled away from me. She’s uncomfortable. Good. At least I’m not alone.
Fuck there is something wrong with me.
Lex and Rem continue drinking, guzzling beer down like they’re frat boys, and as much as I would like to join them, I choose not to, I already got drunk the other day. Once a month is plenty for the newly appointed Dean.
“What’s the matter with you, Seb? Why such a sour puss today?” Lex yells from across the room like we aren’t all sitting a few feet from each other. Rem, of course, laughs in his drunken state. I don’t know why but I’ve always been closer to Rem than Lex. Maybe because Lex was gone.
“Maybe he just needs his ass kicked,” Rem chuckles loudly. “A few punches to that noggin will set him right.” My dad shakes his head from where he is sitting but doesn’t say anything. He knows how we get. Us Miller boys are a rowdy bunch, always have been, always will be.
“Okay, you, time to go home,” Jules takes Rem’s hand and pulls him to his feet. She’s tipsy herself but has nothing on Rem and Lex.
“Come on, boys. I’ll drive you home,” Dad announces, getting up from his own seat.
Lex follows suit, and we all get up and walk toward the door. Shit, I’ve done well all night, now all I have to do is drop her off at the dorms, and I’ll be free of her, at least till she shows up somewhere else in my world.
“You guys going to be good?” Jules asks, her eyes slicing through me.
“I only had one beer, and that was two hours ago. I’m fine,” I attest, knowing damn well that’s not what she is talking about.
“You and I are going to have a nice talk next week,” Jules whispers as she leans in to give me a hug. Wrapping my arms around her, I give her a tight squeeze.
“Night, and be good, Rem,” I warn him over Jules’ shoulder before releasing her.
“I’m always good,” he slurs and presses a sloppy kiss to Jules’ forehead as he pulls her into his side. The rest of my family walk out through the kitchen and into the garage, while I head for the front door.