That knowledge hurts my heart. My dad told me he loved me daily.
God, her parents suck.
I reach for her hand under the blankets, wrapping my fingers around hers.
“Please tell me that’s not the hand you were just feeling yourself up with?”
“No,” I say, giggling.
“Good.”
“I’ll always love you. You know that, right?”
She squeezes my hand. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad Grayson loves you, too. You deserve all the love, Car.”
It’s Friday and five days post-Duke. My heart still aches for him, but I’m thankful he’s at peace. For the past six months, I’ve visited him every day. I feel lost without him. I know he’s in a better place, but his companionship and unconditional love is something I’m truly going to miss.
I’ve barely heard from Ashton, apart from an occasional text checking in to make sure I’m okay. Apparently, he’s been busy at work, so he claims, but I still can’t shake the feeling he’s blowing me off.
We bonded during our time with Duke, and now I feel like he’s distancing himself from me. I want to ask him if there’s something I said or did to upset him, but the truth is I’m scared to hear his answer.
I feel like I’ve lost them both.
It’s late afternoon, and I’m getting ready to leave work when a text comes through.
My ridiculously hot friend: Hi Emma. Duke’s ashes came back today. Thought you’d want to know.
Emma?
No Em.
No sweet-thing.
Sweet-thing: Can I see him? Only if that’s okay with you… no pressure.
My ridiculously hot friend: Of course you can come and see him. He was more yours than he was mine.
No, he was ours.
You said we were his family.
I sit back in my chair and ponder his reply. Does he want to see me? Has he missed me as much as I’ve missed him?
Sweet-thing: When would be a good time for you?
Minutes pass before another message comes through.
My ridiculously hot friend: I’m home now, so whenever.
Sweet-thing: Okay.
Before I leave, I slip into the bathroom at work, applying a fresh coat of lipstick and running a brush through my hair. I’m thankful I wore it down today.
On the drive to his place, I analyze the past week—the snippets I remember from my drunken escapade last Sunday, to my limited contact with him since, as well as the messages from earlier. By the time I pull up in front of his house, my stomach is in knots.
There’s also the reason I’m here—Duke’s ashes.
I’m not sure I’m ready to face that today.
Taking a deep breath, I grab my bag and climb out of the car. I press the intercom when I reach the front gate, and he buzzes me through without saying anything. By the time I reach the front door, he’s standing there waiting for me.
I swallow hard as I take him in.
I’ve missed his beautiful face.
“Hi.”
He barely makes eye contact with me. No lingering glances over my body, no pantie-melting smile. “Did you forget the code?”
“No, I remember it.” I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear.
“You didn’t have to buzz, Emma.” He sounds annoyed.
“It just felt like the right thing to do.”
Ashton gives me a sad smile before stepping back. “Come in.”
No hug.
No kiss hello.
My gut was right, things are off between us. They’re even worse than I thought.
I follow him across the main room toward the kitchen. My emotions are already frazzled, but when I spot the small white urn and the single red rose sitting on the island countertop, I have to fight back my tears.
“Can I get you something to drink?” he offers.
“No, I’m good. Thanks. I can’t stay long.”
I wait until he reaches into the fridge and his back is to me before I pick up the urn. There’s a gold plaque across the front.
I’m trying to be strong and hold it together in front of Ashton, but the moment I read what it says, the tears start coming.
~ DUKE ~
2002-2019
You left a paw print on our hearts.
My eyes are clenched shut as I silently cry for the loss of my sweet boy. I hug the small urn into the side of my face, turning my head to place a kiss on the cold ceramic. It’s the cold that hurts the most. No soft warm fur, no wiggly little tail, no sweet licks.
Poor Duke, my poor sweet Duke.
I don’t even realize Ashton is now beside me until he takes Duke’s ashes out of my hands and wraps me in his arms. “Come here,” he says, soothing his hand over my hair as he holds me tight.
Holding my breath, I deliberately try not to inhale his cologne. I’ve missed his smell, his hugs, his kisses, but I make no move to return his embrace. My arms remain limp at my sides.
When he draws back, he cups my face, using the pad of his thumbs to gently wipe away my tears. “You okay?”
I nod my head. “I just miss him.”
I miss you too.
“Yeah, so do I.”
I take a step back, needed the distance. “Thanks for letting me come over.” I scoop my handbag off the stool, slinking it over my shoulder. I have to get out of here—it hurts too much to be around him.
“You’re leaving already?”
He sounds disappointed.
Or maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part.
“Yes. I’ll stop by the shelter on my way home and get whatever instructions were left for his ashes. I’ll let you know what I find out, and I guess we can go from there.”
“Sure. Okay.”
Ashton runs his fingers through his hair as he watches me.
I can’t believe how fast everything changed between us.
“Well. Bye.”
“I’ll walk you out.” I turn, heading toward the door. “Oh wait…” He grabs a white envelope off the countertop and hands it to me. “They took a print of Duke’s paw and stamped it onto a card. I want you to have it.”
I clutch it to my chest as tears rise to my eyes again. “Thank you. I’ll treasure it.”
When Ashton opens the front door, I breeze past him and start descending the steps. There’s no point standing around and making things more uncomfortable than they already are. And, I certainly don’t want him to think I’m waiting for a kiss goodbye, even though that’s exactly what I want.
“Goodbye, Emma.” The way he says it sounds final. Like it’s really a goodbye.
“Goodbye.” I don’t turn around, because the tears are now falling thick and fast. My head remains bowed when I reach the car, and it’s not until I’m seated inside that I finally turn my head to glance his way.
His hands are shoved into the pockets of his trousers, his shoulders are slumped, and he looks as miserable as I feel.
My heart breaks a little further.
What happened to us?
Chapter Twenty-Six
ASHTON
I’m leaning against the tall oak tree in the park, opposite the address that Emma sent me when her Fiat pulls up across the road. I watch as she gets out of the car and turns to stare at the home before her. It’s the house where Duke once lived. This park was his favorite place to come, and the oak tree was where his previous owner’s ashes were spread waiting for her beloved dog to join her.