My heart is heavy as I watch on. She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I feel so lost without her. It’s almost killed me to stay away. I’ve pulled up her phone number a million times over the past week wanting to call her. I’ve texted her a few times to see how she’s doing but kept it short and sweet. I’m not a total monster. I care. No, I care too fucking much. Hence, why I need to let her go.
After a short while, she turns crossing the street. There’s a bunch of flowers in her hand. I’m glad she thought to do that. She’s wearing sunglasses so I can’t see her eyes, but when she looks up and a small smile graces her face, I know she’s seen me.
My eyes travel down the length of her body as she approaches. She looks beautiful today. She looks beautiful every day. Emma’s long hair is pulled back into a high ponytail like it was the day we met, and she’s wearing a red shirt that hangs off one shoulder.
It’s the color she wore the night we first kissed.
Her top is paired with a short, denim skirt that buttons down the front and is frayed around the hem. I growl when my gaze lands on her long, chocolate-colored cowboy boots.
My sexy-ass farm girl.
She’s a walking fucking wet dream.
I’m so screwed.
“Hey,” she says when she’s close enough for me to hear.
“Hey.” I shove my hands into my pockets to stop myself from pulling her into my arms. I want to feel her. Touch her. “You look nice today.”
Sexy as fuck.
“Thanks, so do you.”
Emma’s free hand fidgets at her side like she’s nervous. I hate that things have reverted back to this for us. Over the past few weeks, she became comfortable around me. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.
“I saw you checking out the house where Duke used to live.”
“Yeah. I was trying to imagine him sitting by that big window in the front, watching the cars drive by and kids playing out here…” her hand gestures around our surroundings, “… in the park. It’s hard to believe he had a whole other life before us.”
“Yes, it is.”
“So, I guess this is the tree where she wanted his ashes spread.”
“It’s the closest one to the house, so I’d say this is it.”
She looks up to the branches above. “It’s a pretty tree.”
Not as pretty as you.
I remove the lid off the urn and retrieve the pouch inside. I’m surprised by how small it is, but he was a tiny dog.
She slides her sunglasses on to the top of her head, and that’s when I notice the dark circles under her eyes. My gaze moves down her body again. Damn, she looks thinner. Has she been eating and sleeping enough? A heavy weight settles in my chest.
I open the pouch, handing it to her. Sadness washes over her as she glances down at it. Poor little guy, I still can’t believe he’s gone.
Emma sighs before crouching to spread the contents around the base of the tree. “Here, I left some in there for you.”
I kneel beside her, following her movements. I’m grateful the air is still today, so he doesn’t blow away.
She lays the flowers down when I’m done.
We both stand and remain silent, lost in thought. When I see her swipe her finger under her eyes, I reach for her hand, and I’m grateful she doesn’t pull away. I need to touch her, hell, just having her close makes my world more bearable.
Minutes pass before she releases a puff of air. “I guess I should be going.” Her grip on my hand tightens momentarily. “Take care of yourself, Ashton Barclay.”
My heart starts to thunder in my chest as the panic sets in.
She’s saying goodbye.
I’ve been trying to put some distance between us, and she taking it by running a mile. That thought fills me with dread.
I turn my head, eyeing her profile. Emma’s steely gaze remains forward. I sigh. She’s so goddamn beautiful. I have to let her go, but I can’t imagine my life without her in it.
This is so fucked up.
Our paths never should have crossed.
But, they did.
I never should’ve let it go this far.
But, I’m a selfish bastard.
I want her.
I’ve always wanted her.
I’d give anything to kiss her sweet lips one more time. Christ, I’d sell my damn soul to see her smile or to hear her laugh again. Sad, defeated Emma tears me up inside. I want my sunshine back. She chases my darkness away and fills me with light.
I need her.
I fucking miss her.
“Have lunch with me, Em.”
She turns her face toward mine. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She’s right, it’s not.
I should let her walk away before I hurt her even more. She deserves better than me.
“Please.”
Emma’s eyes scan over my face. Can she sense my desperation because I’m pretty sure it’s radiating off me in waves? I’ll get on my knees and beg her if I have to.
“Okay.”
I pull our conjoined hands to my mouth, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. “Thank you.”
We leave her car at the park and head to the restaurant in mine. It took some convincing, but I assured her I’d drop her back when we’re done. I can’t have her running away from me like she did on Friday when she came over to see Duke’s ashes. She only stayed ten minutes, tops. If this is the last time I’m going to be with her, I am going to drag this lunch out as long as I can.
All damn day if I can manage it.
Emma’s phone rings once we’re seated in the car. So she digs in her bag to retrieve it and smiles when she sees who’s calling her. I lean back in my seat to try and get a glimpse. It better no be the douchebag.
“Dad,” she says, answering the call. “I’m good, how are you?” She doesn’t put the call on speaker, so I can only hear her side of the conversation. “I miss you, too… so much.” Pause. “I’ll definitely be home for Thanksgiving.” Pause. “Yeah, I know that’s months away, but I’ll cook all your favorites when I get there, I promise.” Pause. “My job’s going great.” Pause. “Yes, Carla’s well. We have a new landlord.” Pause. “No, we haven’t met them… we got a letter informing us about it. They’re going to do some improvements to the building and put in a security gate.” Pause. “Yes, I know how much that bothered you. It’s safe there, Dad, and it will be even safer now.” Pause. “I’m not sure, but I hope they don’t raise the rent.”
A smile tugs at my lips—if I had my way, she wouldn’t even be paying rent.
Emma’s eyes dart to me. “No, Dad. I haven’t met any nice boys.”
Hey, I’m nice.
“I’m too busy for that.” Pause. “Yes, I know I have to live, and I am. My life’s fine just the way it is.” She releases a small laugh. “Dad, I’m only twenty-six.” Pause. “I know, I know. One day you’ll get your grandbabies, I promise, just not in the near future, okay? You know how much I want to travel the world. London… Paris… Rome. There are so many places outside of America I’d love to visit. You can’t do that with a baby hanging off your hip.” She laughs again, and my hands grip the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turn white. I can’t even begin to imagine my Emma carrying another man’s child inside her.