Danny and P.J. lay down the center, their heads at the foot of the bed. Emma lay across from Hallee and Oliver, with her own little bowl of plain popcorn because she didn’t like it salty or drenched in butter.
Sierra tapped Heather’s shoulder. “Adult beverages in the kitchen.”
Heather stared at all the kids. “Look at them. We need to do this more often.”
“So long as you don’t mind washing melted butter off your bedspread and sleeping in popcorn crumbs, sure. Let’s do this again.” Sierra chuckled, but the nostalgia and joy in her eyes said she loved the sweet scene just as much as Heather did.
“We used to crawl in Mom’s bed together and watch movies.”
“It’s been a minute since we did that.” Sierra cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “Is that a Metallica T-shirt sticking out under your pillow?”
“Yeah. David turned me on to them. Remember?”
Sierra’s eyes went soft. “He loved them. I surprised him for his thirtieth birthday with tickets. We drove to San Francisco to see them play with the symphony. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so wide or enjoy something so much.” Sierra stared at the shirt for a long moment, nostalgia and sorrow in her eyes before she turned and headed down the hall, her head downcast.
Heather sympathized with her sister. David left a hole in all their hearts. Deeper in some of them.
She took in her little girl one last time, so happy to be included and trying so hard to keep her eyes open, then followed her sister to the kitchen.
Sierra handed her half a glass of wine, because kids.
Heather clinked her glass against Sierra’s. “To late-night movies with the ones you love.”
Sierra sipped, then turned solemn. “The boys slept in my bed for a month after David died. I’d turn on a happy cartoon to chase away their sadness. Some nights, we’d all talk like Scooby-Doo and laugh. Other nights, we sat quietly and just let the tears fall and held each other. I can’t tell you how it heals my heart to see them in there with their cousins happy and laughing. They’ll remember nights like these just like I remember you, me, and Amy sleeping in our blanket forts trying to scare each other with wild ghost stories.”
“You used to scare the pants off Amy with Franny Fright.”
Sierra busted up laughing. “One of my best stories.”
“I hope you haven’t told the boys that one.”
Sierra shook her head. “The ones I told you and Amy were far too scary for them. Instead, I made up cute little rhymes about Franny as a mischievous witch. Maybe when they’re older I’ll tell them the really scary ones. I’ll be sure Amy is around when I do.” The devilish smile died quickly.
Heather read the heavy sorrow her sister carried. “How are you doing? Today is so hard.”
Sierra took a seat at the table and stared into her wine. “I can’t believe David has been gone a whole year. It seems my every other thought this past week has been about this day. I knew it was coming, and still, I find myself unprepared to deal with my thoughts and feelings. I miss him. I’m angry he’s gone. I wish he was here to see how much the boys have grown. I think about what he’s missing all the time. It goes by so fast.”
“I know what you mean. Sometimes I look at Hallee and I feel like I can see her growing right before my eyes. She does so many new things, all faster than I can really take them in, and I think if I don’t pay attention, I’ll miss it myself.” Her father missed it all. Heather wished she could change that, but it was impossible. It wasn’t all Hallee’s father’s fault. Heather took the blame for her bad decisions and regretted all the way to her soul that Hallee paid the price.
But she hoped to find a good man to love them. Someone who would love being Hallee’s dad. She thought about Mason. She hadn’t really stopped thinking about him. But being a single, working mom left little time to pursue a guy who didn’t even know she was interested in him.
“I can’t believe it’s been a year. I can’t believe we lost the house, everything of his, and we started a whole new life here.”
“Maybe, in some ways, it’s better that way. A fresh start for you and the kids. From what you said over dinner, you love your new job and the kids are settling in at school. You said they seem really happy here.”
“They are. Part of that comes from being around family. They love it when Mom wakes them up with tickles in the morning. Riding the horses has really given them a sense of accomplishment and confidence.”
That was interesting. “So they spend a lot of time with Mason.”
“Several nights a week if Mason doesn’t have any late-night meetings. He loves having the boys over. His horses like the exercise. Danny is in love with this mare named Goose.”
The name made Heather smile. “After the bird or Top Gun?”
Sierra chuckled. “I’ll have to ask Mason.”
“I bet Hallee would love to see the horses.”
“You should bring her over tomorrow afternoon. Mason takes the boys riding after lunch on the weekends.”
“Do you think he’d mind if I just showed up?”
Sierra waved that away. “Not at all. We’ll all be there.”
“So it’s like old times. You and Mason picked up where you left off.” She’d always thought it weird that her sister was better friends with Mason than most of the girls she went to school with.
“In a lot of ways, it seems that way. He’s been so great with the boys. They’ve really come out of their shells around him. I can see how much they miss their dad and Mason is so good about being that guy in their lives who teaches them things and shows them how to be a good man. They need that. They love him.”
“I wonder if he thinks about getting married and having kids.”
Sierra picked up her wine glass and said over the rim, “He’s hinted at it,” before taking a sip.
“I wonder why he and his fiancée broke things off.”
Sierra shrugged. “People break up for lots of reasons. Mason’s been career oriented for a long time. He wanted the relationship to work, but in the end his feelings weren’t deep enough. Relationships only work when both people put everything into it. I’m sure you know how that goes.” Sierra set her glass back on the table. “Any hope for you and Hallee’s dad getting back together?”
Heather gave her the truth. “At one time, I dreamed it could all work out. He’d marry me. We’d raise Hallee together and be happy that we had each other. But . . .”
Sierra’s hand covered hers on the table and Heather swallowed the lump in her throat. “But what? What happened? Why doesn’t he visit you and Hallee? Why isn’t he in her life?”
Everyone always wanted to know who he was, not why he wasn’t here. The why tore her apart. “Not everyone gets to keep the love of their life.” She was never meant to have Hallee or her father. But she’d loved him with her whole heart and didn’t regret the time they shared, only the consequences.
Sierra sat back in her seat. “I’m sorry you lost him, Heather.”
They sat quietly, both of them thinking about what they’d lost, the pain and sadness a match, though they’d experienced it all in different ways.