Heather had to live with the choices she’d made, taking what she wanted when she knew it would be impossible to keep and cause so much pain despite the unbelievable joy and love she’d felt and the wonderful gift she’d gotten out of it.
She’d been selfish.
She’d loved and lost and had no one to blame but herself for how it ended. She didn’t know heartbreak could hurt this much and cut so deeply.
Tears glistened in her eyes but she didn’t let them fall. She didn’t expect Sierra to comfort her. Not today. Not on the day she’d lost her husband, the boys’ father, the man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with and had to learn to live without.
Heather understood that kind of pain and wouldn’t make this about her.
She didn’t deserve that selfish indulgence.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Amy couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this nervous about talking to her husband. If she didn’t get this right, it could mean the end of them, their marriage, the family their children knew.
The urgency of the situation tied her stomach in knots.
She and Rex needed to fix this. Now.
Amy needed to be brave and figure out what she really wanted.
Rex sat at the counter with a glass of water, the gold band on his left hand softly tapping against the glass. He did that all the time. The habit sometimes drove her crazy.
Every tap seemed to mark another second of silence.
So she started. “I don’t like the way we’ve been treating each other lately.”
He shifted on the stool and stared at her over his shoulder but didn’t say a word.
She moved into the kitchen and stood across from him. “I try so hard to make everything perfect for this family.”
“You’re amazing.” His sincerity touched her. “And a little crazy.” She’d always loved that sexy half grin.
The smile he wanted from her came easily when he teased her like this. And if they could still find humor in their situation and life, they still had a chance. She hoped.
“You’re always telling people how your wife is so great at keeping things together. How much I spoil you and the children and you love it, so I try even harder to live up to that. But then you’re angry that I’m trying so hard to make you proud of me and our family.”
“Amy, I am proud that I have a kind, caring, loving wife and mother of my children. I’d still be proud if you did even half the things you do for us.”
And that was the crux of their problem. “You’re angry that we don’t spend enough time together.”
“I’m unhappy that you seem to go out of your way to schedule me out of the picture. As I said before, it’s like the only thing I’m good for is bringing home the paycheck.”
Anger flashed, but she tamped it down and gave herself a moment to absorb how he felt. “That’s not true. And I’m sorry I made you feel that way. It’s not my intention to leave you out or make you feel like we don’t want you with us.” She sucked in a breath, ignoring the look on his face that told her clearly he didn’t believe her. “I’ve thought about all you’ve said and how you feel.”
“Look, Amy, I’ve tried to be understanding about your need to be involved in the kids’ school and their lives. They’re your whole world. I get that. They’re mine, too. But I used to be important to you, too.” Rex leaned back, his shoulders sagging. “How the hell did we get here?”
“Rex, I hate the way we are now. I want us to find our way back to the way things used to be.” She waited for his gaze to meet hers. “I’m tired.” She relaxed her tense shoulders and her arms sagged. “Like all the time. I always feel like I’m rushing around doing things but I never feel like I’m doing them right.”
Rex’s mouth drew tight. “Amy, you’re great at everything. I don’t know how you do so much and make it look so effortless.”
“It’s not. Trust me. It’s stressful and time-consuming, and half the time the kids are complaining because they don’t want to do a lot of it.” She took another breath. “I haven’t been listening. To you. To the kids. To my own feelings. So I’m going to sit the kids down with the schedule and ask them what they really want to do and what they can drop.”
Rex’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”
“Yes. I don’t want them to feel like I’m making them do things. I want them to love what they do. Instead of just signing them up for activities, I’m going to ask them if they even want to do it.”
“I think they’d like that. P.J. isn’t really into the music thing.”
“He hates playing the trumpet.”
“Emma seems to like art class.”
Amy shrugged one shoulder. “She likes to please. I worry she does it for me, not because she really likes it. But I’m not going to assume that. I’m going to ask her if she wants to keep going. The last thing I want to do is turn her into me, someone who can’t say no.”
Rex eyed her. “Are you going to go nuts with less to do?”
Of course he knew she didn’t like to be idle. “When we got married, I really wanted to be a mom. That’s all I thought about.”
“You’re a great mom.”
“But I’m also your wife.”
His mouth drew back on one side into a half frown filled with sadness. “We live in the same house, but I still miss you.”
She knew exactly what he meant. “It’s not that we’ve lost the love.”
Rex nodded his agreement. “We’ve lost the time we spend together. We don’t connect like we used to.”
“I want more time with you. So with the extra money we’ll save on not doing the stuff the kids hate, I will pay the babysitter on date nights. For real this time.”
“I’m going up on your schedule?” He eyed the bane of his existence hanging on the cabinet with a teasing light in his eyes and voice, but he was serious.
“I’m getting my priorities in the right order. Bake sales and school plays don’t come before you anymore. In fact, I’m putting you back where you belong. At the top of my list.”
“Listen, sweetheart, I know the kids need you.”
“You need me, too. And I need you. I’m tired of feeling like I’m doing all this on my own.” She held up her hand to stop him from unnecessarily defending himself. “I did this to myself and blamed you for not wanting to do everything I set up without asking you about it in the first place. You want to see the kids more, too. You want to make family time a priority.”
“Yes. And I want to spend time alone with my wife.”
She put her hand over his. “I want that, too. We both deserve more downtime.”
“I wouldn’t mind sleeping in on a Saturday. Especially if you’re in bed with me.” The devastatingly handsome smile she hadn’t seen in too long appeared and melted her heart.
She smiled back. “That sounds really good.” She hoped she could rein in that feeling inside her that she should be doing something. Being lazy and unoccupied with something to do made her antsy.