A noise in the house reaches my ears and I drop the joint over the banister and start waving the smoke away before pulling out my body spray I keep out here for this very reason and spray myself and the air around me. When Grayson steps out on the terrace, I give him a weak smile.
“You’re home early from your poker game,” I tell him.
“You know how much of a sore loser Johnson is. I got tired of hearing his whining.”
“I take it you won a lot tonight then?”
“I did. I nearly made the money back you spent this week on baby stuff,” he chuckles before moving close to wrap his arms around me. Sniffing the air, he says, “Why does it smell like weed out here?”
“I thought it was a raccoon I saw running past earlier, but it must have been a skunk,” I lie. It’s starting to get too easy to lie to everyone. Not hard when my whole life lately has been a big, fat lie. I saw my mother today, leaving a letter behind. I told her everything and made her swear not to tell Grayson or my father. They can’t fix what’s going to happen. They’re not God.
“We’ll have to call animal control and have them lay some traps out,” he grunts and I move out of his arms.
“Why do that? This is their territory, after all. We’re the intruders.”
“You’ll say differently when summer comes along and the sun is out and you’re relaxing in the yard and you get sprayed,” he teases.
“Well, when the day comes, you can say I told you so, but until then, leave the poor creature alone.”
I let him lead me back inside where I take a shower and brush my teeth. When I’m done, he’s already in the bed, completely naked. Grayson hates wearing clothes to bed, he’s always been like that. A plan forms in my head and on impulse, I give him a sly smile as I cover his body with my own before sliding down the length of him slowly. “Nichole,” he says with a husky voice that used to send me in a panting fit before cancer ruined sex for me. Catching his gaze, I shush him, placing my finger to my lips.
When I get to my prize, I take him in my mouth and he groans as his big hand moves to my head, gripping the strands of my hair. Finding my rhythm, I move up and down his length, relishing in his moans of pleasure. Right now, I may not be helping my case with trying to push him towards Jade. In fact, I may be hindering my own process, but I need Grayson in a good mood to do what I want and him getting a blowjob will definitely put him in a good mood. When his dick starts to throb, I know he’s close and I amp up my efforts. My jaw is already getting sore and my aching body is feeling the strain of holding its weight. I was excited at first, but now I want to get this over with already. I hate that I’m this way, but sex of any kind no longer excites me. It just reminds me of what I’m losing. What I already lost. When he blows, he roars my name and I hold his cum in my mouth. Inconspicuously, I turn my head and spit his cum into the sheets. If I swallow him, I’ll definitely throw up, and that will ruin all of my hard work.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he says, grabbing my hips when I try to lay beside him.
“To bed, where else?” I ask, raising my brow.
“What if your husband wants to return the favor?” One hand moves lower towards my sex as the other cups my nonexistent breast. When I shy away from his touch, he frowns. “What’s wrong, Nichole?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired now,” I answer, laying back down beside him.
“I’m not trying to rush you or anything, but don’t you want to, I mean don’t you, um?”
“Want to have sex?” I finish his sentence for him.
“Yes, that. I feel like I’m failing you as a husband.” He moves closer, throwing his arm over me and I duck my head so I don’t have to look into his eyes. Maybe blowing him was a bad idea after all.
“You’re not failing me. In fact, you’re one of the best husbands there is. Not many would have stood by me and done everything you have done for me. I’m blessed to have you. If you really want to make me happy, you should patch whatever is going on between you and Jade.”
“Please, not this again,” he says, tilting my chin so I have no choice but to look at him. “She’s with Tyson now and he knows what we did to make the baby she’s carrying. Me being around, even just to be supportive, is a bad idea. Jade is Tyson’s first real relationship and he’s not hiding that he’s pissed all over her.”
Wrinkling my nose, I reply, “Your language is starting to turn as colorful as Jade’s. Is your motorcycle phase coming back to the forefront? Do I need to worry about you getting a new tattoo?” I tease.
“You know what I mean. Jade is Tyson’s now and he doesn’t want another male, especially me, anywhere near her.”
“Well, that may not be a problem anymore,” I say, drawing his attention and it works.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the reason why Jade has been playing hooky from work is to avoid Tyson. I'm guessing they must have gotten into a big fight.” He doesn’t say anything for a while as he thinks over my words.
“Doesn’t matter, he’ll be back. Jade is a special girl. The kind you fight for when you’re lucky enough to have her. He won’t let her go for long. I’m not sure, but I think he’s already in love with her.”
“Tyson Garfield in love? Don’t be silly. Jade is an infatuation and as soon as he starts missing his old life of whoring around, he’ll leave her like yesterday's news.”
“Why do you care so much?” he asks, giving me an odd look and I school my features. Have I let on too much? He can’t find out how invested I am in Jade.
“I don’t want her upset unnecessarily. If, no, when Tyson breaks her heart, I will be happy knowing you’re there to help her in her time of need, for the baby’s sake.”
“I’ll give her the support she needs, but I doubt she’ll need it. Jade is strong. She won’t fall apart just because a man left her. Besides, she’s not the type to get that close to anyone. If anything, Tyson will need someone when she leaves him.”
“Maybe or maybe not, but either way, I’d like for you to be there.” I don’t say anything else, instead I pretend to fall asleep until I hear his breathing even out. Once it does, I leave the bed slowly so I don’t wake him and venture outside. The air is crisp and I wouldn’t be surprised if it starts snowing soon. Winters in New York are always brutal. Out back, I find the joint I threw and toss it in the trash, just in case Grayson comes out here searching for skunks. Standing out here for a few more minutes, I gather myself and look up at the night’s sky. A shooting star flies over my head and I watch it as it streaks across the sky. When it’s far from view, I head back inside, leaving the night and stars behind. There’s no point in asking for wishes I know won’t come true.
27
Jade
It’s Monday morning and I’m starting to get worried. It’s been almost a week since I’ve seen Tyson. I missed him and hate that he’s avoiding me. Sure, I avoided him the first couple of days to give us both time, and he didn’t come in at all on Friday when I was finally prepared to see him again. I thought for sure he’d come back this weekend, but as of now, he’s still a no show and I know why. Someone, I suspect Nancy, happily left an issue of the latest gossip rag on my desk with a picture of Tyson looking real comfortable with some auburn haired bombshell at the bar. As heartbreaking as the picture is, the captions are even worse. I mean, what did I expect? I broke his heart now he’s wasting no time telling the world he’s free. A tear leaks from my eye and I quickly wipe it away. I will not show weakness at work. I bet that bitch Nancy is hiding in the corner waiting to jump out when I’m most vulnerable. Tyson is nothing to me. Sigh, I can’t even lie to myself.