The other part of me had a barre class, and a book waiting for me at home.
“Sean’s going to be there.” Scarlett’s smile turned a little devious, and she waggled her brows. “Angela said she noticed the way he looked at you.”
Instead of the flutter of butterflies in my stomach having a cute boy crushing on me should create, my chest squeezed too tight, and I fought the need to curl my shoulders in, sinking deeper into my office chair.
Sean was cute. Like, really cute. And if I closed my eyes and focused, I could sense the slightest tickle in my stomach, but fear made it hard to feel.
What would I do if I actually talked to Sean outside of work? What if he did like me and wanted to touch me like any couple would want?
Imagining his hand, reaching to brush my hair back, had a shudder working its way up my spine.
I couldn’t.
“Oh. Well.” I breathed a laugh and smiled, hoping she took it for flattery and not nerves. “I would love to, but I already have plans.”
I hated the disappointment dimming her smile.
“Okay. Next time,” she said before heading out.
It was nice of her to say because we both knew there wouldn’t be a next time. I always turned down drinks or any other outing that wasn’t work-related.
Very few people knew what had happened to me, so everyone assumed I was introverted—unapproachable. Maybe even a few assumed I was snotty or entitled because I was the boss’s sister.
The truth was, I didn’t like putting myself out there with anyone other than the friends and family I already had. Socializing wasn’t my top skill, and my words came out jumbled and awkward a lot of the time. That’s why I stayed behind the computer crunching numbers, letting other people handle the clients.
Scarlett’s words repeated in my head, and the easy smiles Sean gave when passing me in the hallway took on a new meaning. Had he been flirting? Had he wanted me to stop and talk, and I’d totally missed the cues?
“Ugh,” I grunted, flopping back in my chair.
I should have said yes.
Then I imagined standing too close. Maybe he’d rest his hand on my back to guide me to the bar. Maybe he’d leave it there and…
And I’d panic.
Intimacy had been the one thing therapy didn’t quite mend. Just thinking about it had my shoulders pulling tight and added building pressure on my chest. The one that built and built until I wanted to scream.
I’d done my time in therapy, faced my issues, and conquered my fears. I didn’t have nightmares anymore—not many at least. I was able to function in society and make friends, even if it was only on the surface level. My mind didn’t fear intimacy—my mind had done the work to heal. But my body? My body quaked at the thought, and I hated it. I hated that it was one thing therapy couldn’t seem to fix.
Shaking off the regret, I grabbed the file from my desk and headed upstairs. I pushed open the door to my brother’s office and found him and his girlfriend, Alexandra, wrapped like a pretzel on his office chair.
“Gross,” I said, announcing my presence.
Alex blushed like she always did, and Erik gave me a mock death glare for interrupting.
“I just came to drop these off,” I said a little winded.
“You know, if you let me move your office up here, you wouldn’t have to worry about those stairs.”
“I’m fine among my people. They’re my algebros.”
“Oh my god,” said a deep voice behind me. Ian, the Bergamo to Bergamo and Brandt, walked up and bumped his shoulder to mine. Or his arm since he was almost a foot taller than me. “Little Brandt, that may be one of your worst puns yet.”
Ian always gave me crap about my math puns like any pseudo big brother would. He’d been part of our family since I could remember, and I’d had a crush on him longer than I wanted to admit. Or, I used to have a crush on him. Thankfully, we’d been family long enough to move on from said crush and act like it never happened.
“I thought it was awesome.” Alex snickered and moved off Erik’s lap to lean against the desk.
I smiled my appreciation at her support as I dropped the files on Erik’s desk. “These are the numbers for the London office.”
He flipped open the folder and glanced over the first page.
Ian flopped down in the chair next to me and sighed. “When are we celebrating Alex’s big twenty-first birthday?”
“You guys don’t need to do that,” Alex said. She dropped her head and let her dark hair fall, hiding her face. Even after two years of being with Erik, she still hated having things given to her. Which blew my mind since all Erik did was shower her with everything she’d missed growing up. “It’s not even for another month.”
“For the woman who thawed Erik’s heart,” Ian said with a wink. “It’s got to be epic.”
“She’s graduating at the end of summer, too,” I added.
“Someone’s a show-off,” Ian joked. “Graduating a whole year and a half early.”
Erik smiled at Alexandra, and her cheeks blushed. Just from a look. “I forced her to. She said she wouldn’t marry me until she was done with school, so we needed to get this shit on the road.”
“You’re such a pain,” she reprimanded with a huge smile.
“Only for you.”
Their love was hard to watch. It hurt. Which made me feel guilty for not wanting to be around it too much. Erik deserved happiness. He’d been too serious for too long, shutting himself off to a future with anyone until he found Alex. I wanted that for him.
I just wanted it for me too, and I knew the chances of having it were slim to none. Watching them together stung like rubbing salt in a wound.
“Speaking of parties,” Erik said, turning his attention back to me. “We need to finalize the plans for the gala.”
The charity event was fast approaching but coming together smoothly. We were pretty efficient after so many years of hosting it. Each year bigger than the last, bringing in more money to help rehabilitate survivors of sex-trafficking. Almost all the money went to Haven, the all-in-one home to help those rescued through every step of the process, from therapy to drug rehab. Erik took a small portion to help fund his side business of tracking down traffickers and ending their role in the sex trade.
I took the most responsibility for planning the party. I’d never been able to share my past at the event but did my part by making sure the most money as possible was raised each year. I wasn’t as brave as the other men and women who stood up each year to tell their story. Sofia would have been a crusader, standing by Erik’s side as his partner in picking off the bad guys. She would’ve stood at the front of the line to share her story so no one would ever have to endure it.
I preferred behind the curtain work.
“Okay. I just can’t do it tonight. I have a barre class.”
Erik’s eyes flicked to mine with an all too knowing look. He knew I took the ballet workout class because Sofia couldn’t. It was my way of living for her when she couldn’t.
“Well,” Alex said, slapping her hands together. “That means now you can take me to dinner.”
Erik gripped her hips. “Only if I can have you for dessert.”
“Ew.” My face screwed up. “That is my cue to leave.”