Wes. Zac stored the name away. He now had a name for the man responsible for hurting her.
‘Anyway, we were on tour in Afghan when our team was sent to meet a guy who’d agreed to give us some intel. Trouble is, when we got to his village, we were ambushed. As the sniper, I was supposed to provide cover for the guys as they went in, but I … but—’ Suddenly she broke off, burying her head in her hands. When he reached for her, she shrugged him away. ‘No. Bollocks to this.’ Sitting bolt upright, she stared back at him, swatting at the few stray tears that trailed down her cheeks. ‘I failed him, okay? I was the one there to protect them, but I didn’t.’
The torment in her eyes sent anguish hurtling through him. ‘I know you well enough to be certain you did everything you could possibly do.’
‘Yeah, that’s what everyone told me. “Parker, you got three of them. You weren’t to know there was a fourth.”’ To his despair, she shifted her legs off him and drew them up and under her chin, clasping her arms around them in a protective, defensive gesture. ‘Well guess what, it doesn’t help. Not when you know that instead of checking for a fourth, you were checking if the man you loved was still on his feet. And especially not when you see that man drop dead in front of you from a bullet you were supposed to stop.’
He felt useless, utterly unable to think of anything he could say or do to help, though at least now he understood some of her motivation behind keeping him at arm’s length.
‘Would Wes be happy to see you blaming yourself like this?’ he asked after a while.
She snorted. ‘Of course not. He was so laid back it was a wonder he managed to stand upright. He’s probably up there rolling his eyes and telling me to take a chill pill.’
‘He sounds like a good guy.’ Zac held off on the obvious observation, that laid back Wes also sounded like the sort of guy who wouldn’t mind mess, creases in his trousers or being late. In other words, the total opposite of him.
‘He was the best,’ she agreed softly.
And there it was. Finally, he had the reason why he’d never be anything more than a brief fling to her. She was still in love with Wes.
Chapter 29
She hadn’t intended to tell Zac all that. Gripping tightly to her legs, Kat waited as the heartache that always took hold when she thought of Wes, began to recede. All the while she was acutely aware of Zac sitting next to her, and of the compassion she knew was in his eyes, if only she dared to look into them.
‘Sorry. I didn’t come here to give you a history lesson in the life and loves of Kat Parker.’
He angled his body towards her. ‘Then why did you come?’
Oh God, this was so flaming hard. Jumping up from the sofa she walked over to the pathetically small kitchen and filled a glass with water she had no desire to drink. ‘I came to tell you I won’t accept being shrugged off, like a coat that’s no longer needed.’ Gripping the glass, she turned to face him. ‘Your safety is my responsibility, damn it. Not Mark’s, mine.’
He gave her an incredulous look. ‘I think you’ll find I’m responsible for my safety. Not you, not Mark, not the police. Me.’
‘I’m your bodyguard.’
‘You were.’
Anger began to take hold and she welcomed it. Far better to vent than to spill her guts and cry. ‘How can you claim you’re falling for me, when you don’t even respect me, or what I do?’
‘Don’t respect you?’ He cursed under his breath. ‘I’m in awe of you, Kat. Have you forgotten it was only a few days ago your observation skills, your quick thinking, saved my life?’
‘Then why won’t you let me be there for you now?’ To her dismay, her voice started to crack. ‘What if you’re shot at and I’m not around to stop it? I’ve already failed one guy I was in a relationship with. Don’t make me fail again.’
He sat very still, only his eyes moving as they searched her face. ‘Saving me won’t bring Wes back.’
‘You think I don’t know that? Nothing will bring him back, a fact that haunts me every single day.’
Zac visibly flinched. ‘I’m sorry for what you went through, truly sorry.’ When his eyes locked onto hers, they were full of sadness. ‘But don’t ask me to put your life in danger, just to protect mine.’
‘I want to be there for you. I need to be there.’ She didn’t know what was happening between them, but she knew that.
He rose swiftly to his feet and marched over to her, cupping her face. ‘And I need you to be safe.’
The emotion churning in his eyes snatched her breath away, but she couldn’t let his needs drown out her own. ‘Then we’re at an impasse, but I should warn you that I’m not a quitter. And I’m certainly no good at being told what to do. Wes tried that, tried to get me to leave the army. I didn’t quit for him and I’m not going to quit for you.’
His gaze roamed her face, skirting over her eyes, her nose, her cheeks before settling on her mouth. ‘What if I asked you to kiss me? Would you at least do that?’
The plea in his voice tugged hard on her heart, and the husky tone tugged places much lower down. ‘I might.’
‘Only might?’
‘It depends on what happens after the kiss.’
His eyes turned a shade darker. ‘Whatever you want to happen.’
Because she knew it would drive him crazy, she licked her lips. ‘Do I get to see you naked?’
‘Only if you reciprocate.’
Maybe it was wrong to dive into sex when there was so much still hanging between them, but Kat had done enough talking for now. All she wanted to do was lose herself in him. ‘I’m down for that.’ She smirked. ‘As long as you go first.’
He didn’t immediately reach for his T-shirt, like she’d expected him to. Instead he continued to stand still, his eyes blazing into hers. ‘Christ, Kat.’ His voice turned gruff, his eyes hooded as he placed a hand on the small of her back and pulled her against him. ‘I want you. I can’t imagine a time when I won’t want you.’
Desire burned through her, heating her blood and weakening her knees. ‘Then take me.’
It was all the encouragement he needed. Immediately his mouth captured hers, devastating in its intensity. As his tongue swept across her lips, then plundered, the kiss turned from hot to scorching, from hungry to greedy.
‘Bedroom,’ she panted, grabbing at his hand, but he shook his head.
‘Here. Now.’
He reached for the hem of his T-shirt and yanked it off in one fluid, X-rated gesture that left her staring, trance-like, at the defined muscles of his chest.
‘Eyes on mine.’
She licked at her lips again. ‘Nope, no way. I prefer this view.’
Suddenly she found her shirt being dragged off and her bra unclasped. As he bent to run his tongue across her nipple, he let out a deep, heartfelt groan.
After that, there were only moans, and sighs, and the exquisite feel of skin on skin.
***
Zac knew nothing was settled between them. Knew too, that despite the wholehearted way she’d just made love with him, Kat was still holding onto the part of her he wanted the most. Her heart. A part he now suspected he’d never touch.