‘It’s not too …’ He hesitated, half afraid he’d got it wrong again. ‘Too pretentious?’
‘Oh no, no, no, no. It’s perfect.’ She wrapped her arms around his waist. ‘I was a bit of a cow in The Ivy, wasn’t I?’
He smiled and kissed the top of her head. ‘I would never compare you to a member of the bovine species.’
Her soft laughter rippled through him. ‘Well thank you, kind sir. Still, I know what I said then hurt you, and I didn’t mean it to. I just wanted to make it clear that you don’t need to flash your cash around to impress me.’ She smiled up at him. ‘In case you missed it, I’m already impressed.’
He had to swallow down the lump of emotion. ‘You are?’
She gave his ribs a dig. ‘Yes, Zac Edwards, I’m impressed by you, not your money, not your fame, but you.’ Once again, her eyes drifted over the set table. ‘You know, I’ve never been wooed. Wes wasn’t the romantic sort, and after him, well, I didn’t let anyone get close enough to try.’
He brushed a hand over her hair, and down the side of her face. ‘Will you let me get closer? Will you let me in?’
The world around him seemed to go into freeze-frame as he waited for her reply.
‘I don’t need to let you in,’ she whispered. ‘You’re already there.’
Chapter 30
Kat didn’t want to admit it to Mark, to Zac, to anyone, but inside she was absolutely bricking it. Part of her was questioning her sanity. Why on earth had she insisted on being Zac’s bodyguard still? She wasn’t up against some vague stalker who liked to send notes signed with a kiss. They were dealing with a professional assassin, a paid killer. Was she really good enough to keep Zac safe, when a two-bit terrorist had beaten her?
‘Are you listening to me?’
Mark gave her a hard look and Kat shook herself. They were sitting in the small living area of the flat Zac was holed up in, reviewing the plans for the charity ball tonight. Zac was in the bedroom, going through his speech. The one he’d apparently written a week ago, because he didn’t wing it on the last minute. Of course he didn’t.
‘Sorry.’ She focused back on Mark. ‘I’ll be providing close protection, the police and you will be on surveillance. I’ve got it.’
‘Have you got it, really?’
Though the question was harsh, the voice he used was more concerned than angry. ‘I’m fine.’ But then she remembered who she was talking to. ‘I will be fine,’ she corrected. ‘Right now I’m having a teeny weeny crisis of confidence.’
He relaxed his stern features enough to smile. ‘Teeny weeny, huh?’
‘Yep, that’s all.’ Unwilling to make it into a bigger deal that it needed to be, she changed the subject. ‘When are we doing a recce?’
He glanced down at his watch. ‘Ten minutes work for you?’
She nodded, hating how nervous she felt. Before Wes’s death, she’d never been afraid of anything. Since his death, the only thing that had held fear for her had been the thought of becoming emotionally attached to someone again.
Now she could taste that fear, and it wasn’t fear of falling for Zac – it was too late for that. It was fear of failing him. Of losing him.
‘Hey.’ Mark took hold of the top of her arms, giving them a squeeze. ‘You don’t have to do this.’
‘He’s right.’ Kat jumped as she turned to see Zac standing in the doorway to the bedroom. His eyes narrowed as he took in Mark’s hands, but when he spoke again, it was in the same polite tone. ‘If I thought for one minute you were having second thoughts because you were afraid of being shot, I’d be doing all I could to dissuade you. But it’s not that, is it?’ He stepped forward, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘You’re afraid I’ll get shot, and you won’t be able to stop it.’
‘Now wait a minute.’ Mark, who’d removed his hold of her arms, started to protest.
‘It’s okay, Mark. Zac knows about Wes.’ She raised her eyes to Zac’s. ‘So he also knows he’s right. I am afraid I’ll cock this up. Yesterday I had all this bravado, but today …’ She huffed out a sigh. ‘Today I don’t know where the flip it’s decided to hide, but I tell you, I’m going to find it again.’
Zac’s lips curved in a small smile. ‘I know, but none of that is an issue for me, because I have faith in you.’
For a split second her heart stuttered, and then seemed to swell as she absorbed his words.
Clearly clueless as to how deeply his comment had affected her, Zac stepped through to the kitchen and started to fill the kettle. ‘Anyone want a drink?’
‘No, thanks, we’re off to do a check of the venue.’ Mark caught Kat’s eye and raised a brow, a world of questions in his stare, all of them involving her and Zac, and where their relationship – she could no longer deny she was in one – was heading.
‘I don’t have the answers,’ she told Mark when they settled into his car.
It was a measure of how well they knew each other, that he didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. ‘But you stayed with him last night.’
‘Yes.’ She shot him a look. ‘And I don’t need to justify that to you.’
‘I’ve not asked you to.’
‘Maybe not, but you’ve got that disapproving expression on your face. The one that’s tighter than a camel’s bum in a sandstorm.’
‘I don’t want you hurt again.’ His hands tightened on the steering wheel. ‘I saw how Wes’s death affected you, remember. I lived through it with you.’
‘I know and I’ll always be grateful.’
There was a heavy pause before Mark spoke again. ‘But grateful is all you’ll be.’
Instinctively Kat opened her mouth to say yes, but then paused, knowing the words that came out next would define their future relationship. Zac might think Mark had feelings for her, but she wasn’t convinced. ‘You know how important you are to me.’
He flicked her a look. ‘Yeah, I guess I do.’
‘And if you’re honest with yourself, you also know that if there was anything more than a deep abiding friendship between us, something would have happened by now.’
There was silence while he negotiated the heavy traffic. It was only when he finally pulled up outside the hotel, the venue for the ball, that Mark spoke again. ‘You’re probably right, though it doesn’t stop me wondering.’
She gave his side a gentle nudge. ‘Come on. I’m like, I don’t know, name me one of the toys you played with as a child. Not the best toy, the most exciting, but the go-to toy when there was nothing else better to do.’
‘Lego? Action Man?
‘Okay, that works, I’m like Action Man. You only decide I’m your favourite thing to play with in the whole wide world when someone else comes along and decides they want to play with Action Man.’
Laughter spluttered out of him. ‘Jesus. I’m never going to look at Action Man the same way again.’
She grinned, but then reached to hold his hand. ‘I’m right though, aren’t I?’