This time the pain in his chest had nothing to do with the bullet wound.
God, he needed to see Kat, yet logic suggested he should wait for her to come to him. After all, he’d laid his cards out, told her how he felt. If she could forgive what he’d done, how close he’d got to getting her niece killed, then she’d contact him.
If. It was the word he kept stumbling over. What if she never forgave him? The thought of sitting and hoping that every call, every knock on the door could be her, only to have those hopes dashed each time … He couldn’t live like that.
Making a snap decision, he pulled Kat’s contact details up on his phone and showed them to the driver. ‘Can you take me to this address first?’
Half an hour later he was outside her house. After asking the driver to wait, Zac walked slowly up to the front door.
His heart pounded, his knees trembled and nausea cramped his insides. He felt like he was about to have a heart attack. Yet when she opened the door, all of it vanished in a rush of longing.
‘Hey.’ His eyes drank her in.
‘How are you? Are you okay?’ Her eyes ran up and down him, seeming to do their own inventory.
‘A few stitches, that’s all.’ He willed her to look at him, to reach out and touch him, but she remained terrifyingly out of reach. ‘Apparently, my fans will love the scar.’
‘Another few inches to the right, and you’d be dead.’ Her eyes slammed accusingly into his. ‘What the hell did you think you were doing, taking off like that? The agreement was, you’d wait until Debs reached halfway.’
‘It appears I can’t judge distances very well.’
Her expression tightened. ‘Don’t take me for a fool. You deliberately went before I gave the go-ahead. Why?’ He had the first hint of her emotional state when her voice shook over her next words. ‘Didn’t you trust me?’
‘Of course I trusted you.’ He forced a smile. ‘Why else would I willingly walk into the line of sight of a professional killer?’
‘Because you’re stupid?’
Ouch, that hurt. He might be a mere actor, not a security expert, but he’d known exactly what he was doing when he’d jumped out of that car. His pulse sky-rocketed as he asked the question he’d been dreading. ‘How is Debs?’
‘She’s dealing with something no fourteen-year-old should have to deal with.’ Kat’s voice caught. ‘I don’t know how she’ll get through this.’
Pain lanced through him and Zac stumbled backwards. How stupid to think he could just turn up and expect everything between them to be okay. He’d done something monstrously unforgivable. He’d brought terror on the people who’d gone out of their way to help him. Kat and Debs had invited him into their home, and he’d repaid them by giving them mental scars that would last far longer than the flesh wound in his side.
‘I’m sorry.’ The words sounded so hopelessly inadequate. ‘Please tell her that. Please tell her …’ His chest felt so tight, he could barely breathe. ‘Please tell her I never thought … I never wanted any of this to happen.’
The harshness left Kat’s expression. ‘I know you didn’t, and this isn’t on you. I regret letting you stay in our house.’
And the agony kept on coming. ‘I understand, I do. I hate that Debs got involved.’ Tears stung the back of his eyes. ‘I also hate that your regret, was the happiest time of my life.’ Emotion flickered across her face and he thought she might be about to step towards him, but he couldn’t bear to receive the pity pat on the arm. ‘Thank you for all you’ve done for me,’ he managed, walking backwards. ‘For opening your home to me.’ He had to swallow hard to overcome the boulder that had lodged in his throat. ‘For saving my life.’
With that he staggered towards the waiting car, almost hurling himself into it. He needed to get away from here, away from the place where he’d dared to dream, and back to the reality of his spotlessly clean, clutter free, unbearably lonely apartment.
As the car pulled away, he took a final lingering look at the house he’d lived in. The house where, for a very short time, he’d felt he’d belonged. The sight that greeted him shredded the last of his hopes. Kat stood on the doorstep, her arms around Debs. Both of them with tears streaming down their faces.
Chapter 34
‘What did you say to him?’ As they watched Zac’s car drive away, Debs stared accusingly at Kat. ‘I heard the last part, when he was saying he was sorry. What does he have to be sorry for?’
Kat hung her head, shame rolling through her. Why had she gone after him like that? Sure, she’d been angry with him – so, so angry at the way he’d nearly got himself killed – but that didn’t excuse how she’d just made him feel.
As if he’d brought this on them.
‘He asked how you were, and I gave him an honest answer, that you were dealing with stuff no kid should have to deal with.’ Her breath caught as she tried to stifle a sob. ‘But I think he thought I was accusing him.’
‘It wasn’t his fault.’ Tears streamed down her niece’s cheeks. ‘It wasn’t your fault, either. You both have to stop being so stupid.’ Debs flounced back into the house and Kat thought she was about to storm off to her room but she didn’t. Instead she turned and looked back at her with an expression far too old for her years. ‘How am I supposed to get over this, to move on, if I can’t talk about it without you being all stuffed full of guilt?’
Kat hadn’t realised how much Debs had seen, but before she could apologise, her niece was talking again. ‘Mum’s as bad. She’s blaming herself for not being here, as if that would have made any difference.’
Debs swiped a hand across her face, brushing at the tears, and Kat felt her heart squeeze. ‘I’m so, so sorry. You can talk to me, of course you can. I want you to talk to me and I promise to keep my own guilt on a tight leash.’ Raising her hand, Kat used her thumb to capture a remaining tear on her niece’s cheek. ‘I thought I was going to lose you.’ She had to bite down on her lower lip to stop from crying. ‘But here you are, braver and stronger than I’d ever given you credit for.’
A miracle happened and Debs started to smile. It was small, but it was the first one she’d given Kat since she’d wrapped her arms around her in the park last night, never wanting to let her go. ‘I kicked him in the balls.’
Kat’s eyes widened. ‘Jesus Debs, he could have killed you.’
‘Nah, he wasn’t interested in me. He told me he wouldn’t harm me. It was Zac he wanted.’ Suddenly she pushed at Kat. ‘See, that’s why you and Zac are being so stupid. I was never in danger, not really. I mean, what if you’d not brought Zac here? What if he’d stayed in another hotel and the guy had killed him. How would you be feeling then, huh?’
Kat felt a small smile of her own forming, proof of her growing confidence that they would get through this. ‘How come you’re so smart?’
Debs shrugged. ‘I dunno, I guess I was brought up by two smart women.’
They shared a hug, yet as she clung to her niece, Kat was sharply aware that Zac didn’t have anyone at home he could cling to. Nobody who would tell him off for being stupid. Nobody to reassure him he hadn’t done anything wrong.