He came to an abrupt halt. ‘I’m not your son.’
She placed her hands on his shoulders and gave him the mother of all dirty looks, which should have looked ridiculous considering she was a foot shorter than him. ‘Zac Edwards, I’ve thought of you as my son ever since you came to live in our home. We’d have adopted you, only your rotten father wouldn’t let us. But we gave you our name, that should have told you how we felt. How much we both love you.’
‘I … I didn’t realise.’ He felt choked, the emotion travelling hot and thick into this throat. All this time he’d spent believing he was a burden to them, yet he’d been loved. He tried to surreptitiously wipe his eyes, but she was too observant.
‘Come here, you ninny.’ She wiped away his embarrassing tears. ‘Now go and put William out of his misery while I tell Maisie to bring us some tea and scones.’
Chapter 35
Kat stared at the woman on her doorstep. A stone lighter than when she’d left, her face less haggard, her eyes bright, her sister looked better than she had in a long, long time.
‘You look …’ Kat shook her head, the words getting all mixed up with the emotion of seeing her sister again. ‘Flaming heck, Mandy, you look amazing.’
‘I feel amazing.’
They shared a hug on the doorstep before Kat stepped back and yelled, ‘Debs, you’ve got a visitor. She looks like someone I used to know, only younger. Not as young as me, obviously—’
‘Mum!’
As mother and daughter shared an embrace, Kat had to look away for a moment. Along with the joy, the pleasure at seeing two of her favourite people so happy, was a dart of unwanted jealousy. Would she ever know that bond between mother and child?
The thought immediately turned her mind to Zac, and she had to work hard to shove it aside.
‘What are you doing home?’ Debs, bless her, looked totally overcome. ‘I thought you had another three weeks.’
‘I did, but I also needed to see my daughter.’ Mandy cradled Debs’s face in her hands. ‘Kat told me you were okay but I had to check for myself.’
‘So you’re going back?’
‘No, not as I have been.’ Mandy clasped her daughter’s hand. ‘I’ll go back during the day, but I’m coming home every evening from now on.’
The expression on Debs’s face faltered. ‘But won’t that muck up your treatment?’
‘No, sweetie. The clinic said I’ve been doing so well they were going to suggest this anyway.’ Mandy held out her other hand to Kat. ‘Come on you two, let’s go and sit down. You guys have sooooo much to tell me.’
They talked, and talked. Debs became defensive when it came to questions about the party, and the older guy, but quietly admitted she’d told him she didn’t want to see him anymore. She was going to focus on her exams because she’d decided she quite fancied being a lawyer. Or maybe a doctor. Or a pilot. She wasn’t sure yet but she needed to max her GCSEs. Mandy and Kat shared a look of relief, mixed with pride.
As they relayed the trauma of the kidnapping, they all shed a tear. Debs confirmed she’d not at any point been hurt, and though she’d been terrified, she’d been more scared of what the man wanted to do to Zac.
‘So, this Zac, who’s been sleeping in my bed. From what you’ve both told me, he’s a stand-up guy and as hot in real life as he is on the screen.’ Mandy gave Kat a quizzical look. ‘Where is he now?’
‘Yeah, Kat, where is he?’ Debs stared at her accusingly.
‘I don’t know.’ It had been four days since he’d turned up on her doorstep and she’d hurt him with her thoughtless words. Your regret is also the happiest time of my life. His quietly spoken words were the last thing she remembered every night.
‘Have you at least spoken to him since?’
‘Yes.’ Kat stood up abruptly. ‘Look, I don’t want to talk about this right now. There’s too much crap going through my head. I said stuff I shouldn’t and I really regret it, but I can’t go ringing him up until I know what I want. I’ve hurt him enough.’
Mandy narrowed her eyes. ‘Good God, Kat. You’re scared, aren’t you? You’ve fallen for this guy and you’re terrified of, what? Him dying on you, like Wes did?’ Kat whirled on her sister, ready to argue, but Mandy stuck up a hand. ‘Okay, if it’s not that, maybe you’re terrified of ending up like Mum? Because I can really see that happening. You being a pushover and Zac turning into a drunken bully, dictating to you.’
Out of nowhere, Debs started to giggle. ‘Yeah, he’d be like …’ She tilted her chin and started to speak in a poor imitation of Zac. ‘Kat, I believe I requested you get me … no, what’s a fancy word for get?’
‘Procure?’ Mandy suggested.
‘Yeah, yeah, that sounds right.’ Debs started again. ‘Kat, I believe I requested you procure me a glass of wine. Then Kat would be like, no, get it yourself. And Zac would get up and pour them both one.’
Mandy started to laugh along with her daughter. ‘Is that really what he’s like?’
‘Sure it is. He talks all fancy and he’s a total pussycat.’ She gave Kat a sly look. ‘At least with his girlfriend.’
‘I’m not his girlfriend,’ she started to bluster, then paused when she saw Debs and Mandy staring at her. ‘Okay, I was, sort of. Maybe I still am, but I was pretty shitty to him when he came round, so maybe not.’ She hadn’t been there for him when he’d needed her the most. The shameful thought wouldn’t leave her. Why hadn’t she taken him in her arms and told him she loved him? That he wasn’t to blame? Why had she chosen instead to make him feel as if he was?
‘You are aware that if you want to remain his girlfriend, or even his friend, you need to give him a call.’ Mandy gave her a searching look. ‘Apologise for being shitty.’
Kat knew her sister was right, and maybe not just over her need to phone Zac. ‘I might go out tomorrow. Give you and Debs some mother and daughter bonding time.’
‘You know you don’t need to do that.’ Mandy looked questioningly at her. ‘Where’s this mysterious out, anyway? Are you planning to go and see Zac?’
‘No, not yet.’ She would phone him, though whether he picked up was another matter. ‘I thought I’d go home.’
Mandy’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Home, home? As in back to the hovel?’
‘As in back to see Mum, if she’s still there.’ She’d once told Zac she felt guilty about never going back, and this was one way to rid herself of at least some of that. More important though, were the words he’d said in reply. In order to cope with our present, and look ahead to our future, we have to put the past behind us.
So far, she’d done a pretty crap job of looking ahead. Mandy had been right, if she dared to think of a future with Zac, all she saw was fear and loss. Maybe they didn’t have a future. Maybe he was too fancy for her, too neat, too uptight. Maybe she was too messy for him, too mouthy, too much the tomboy instead of the willowy elegant lady. But was she really going to let her fear decide that, for both of them?