‘AF?’
‘Really? You can’t work that out? As fu—’
‘Got it.’ He hesitated, then went with his heart rather than his head. ‘Can I come round?’
A beat of silence, and then a long exhale. ‘I’m not at home, none of us are.’
‘Oh.’ Because he couldn’t shake off the thought, he voiced it. ‘Is that your way of letting me down gently? Because if it is, if we’re over, I’d rather you told me straight.’
‘It’s my way of telling you Mandy and I, with Debs in tow, are on our way to see our parents. Well, to see if they’re still in the same place we grew up.’
‘Oh.’ He’d geared himself up for rejection, and the relief that she hadn’t said the words made him temporarily dizzy. Of course, she hadn’t said they weren’t over, either, but he’d take the crumb. ‘Does that mean Mandy’s back home with you now?’
‘Yep. She told me to tell you thank you. Her bedroom has never been cleaner or tidier.’
‘I rather think it’s me who should be thanking her, for the loan of her room.’ A wave of acute longing came over him as he thought of that house. Of the evenings spent eating pizza with Kat and Debs. Of the nights spent tangled with Kat in her bed. He cleared his throat. ‘Well, have a safe trip. I hope you … find whatever it is you’re looking for.’
A long pause. ‘Thank you. So do I.’
Chapter 36
It had been four days since Kat’s visit home, when she’d found out her father had died several years ago, his alcohol sodden liver giving up the ghost. Her mother still lived there though, a woman Kat had found to be surprisingly … content.
It had also been four days since she’d phoned Zac.
The visit home hadn’t resulted in the dramatic this is what you should do vision Kat had secretly hoped for. It had eased some of the guilt she’d felt about abandoning her mum though. And it had made her realise she wasn’t, and never would be, like her. So fear of ending up in a relationship like that of her parents, was no longer an excuse she could use to push Zac away.
Now she was just left with a simpler equation. Was she, the human equivalent of a tabby cat, really destined to be with Zac Edwards – the human equivalent of a majestic lion?
‘What are you so deep in thought about?’ Mandy wandered into the kitchen still in her pyjamas despite it being midday.
‘Cats.’ Because she didn’t want her sister to pry any further, she returned to the topic they’d discussed a lot over the last few days. ‘You know I still can’t believe Mum thought so little of herself that she was actually perfectly happy in her life with Dad.’
Mandy shrugged. ‘We’re all different. Mum didn’t want a grand love, or passion. She wanted security, and that’s what he gave her. Even though it came at a price far higher than we’d ever be prepared to pay.’ She slid Kat a sly look. ‘What do you want?’
The question took her by surprise, but not nearly as shocking as the answer that immediately flashed into her brain, and slid, warm and satisfyingly, into her heart. Zac was what she wanted. Wes had been her first love; a young, naïve love cultivated against the backdrop of army life where she’d viewed everything through a short-term lens. She’d wanted fun, excitement, a challenge. Escape from the drudgery, and the awfulness, of her childhood.
She was a different person now. A woman, not a girl. One who’d known loss and heartache, and was happier focusing on her career than on some fantasy that had no place in real life. Then Zac had turned up. He’d frustrated her, annoyed her … and made her rethink everything.
Mandy sighed. ‘No need to reply. Your answer is written all over your face. Why don’t you go round and see him?’
And that was the million dollar question. Why hadn’t she?
Why would a lion want to be saddled with a tabby cat when it could find a lioness?
‘If he really is interested, he’ll come to me.’ She hated that attitude, hated thinking of herself as less when she’d spent a lifetime proving that she was worthy of anyone. It’s just she wasn’t, absolutely, convinced she was worthy of him.
‘That’s pretty snotty, considering you told me last time he came to you, you were mean to him.’
It was nothing but the truth, but it nipped at her, mean and sharp. ‘Bugger off, Mandy. It’s my life, my call.’
Mandy held her hands up. ‘Sure. I just don’t want to see you making a huge mistake out of some sort of weird ego kick.’
It wasn’t ego, it was an embarrassing insecurity, but Kat didn’t correct her. Far easier to move the conversation along. ‘Did you say Debs was going to a concert tonight?’
‘Yep, Ariana Grande at The O2. She’s over-the-top excited.’
‘I can’t believe she got tickets at the last minute. I thought it would have sold out months ago.’
If Mandy hadn’t been her sister, if she hadn’t lived with her for thirty-one years, she might not have noticed the way she twitched, and her eyes darted, momentarily, away from hers. ‘I guess she was lucky. Maybe they were returns.’
‘Or maybe there’s something else going on that you’re not telling me?’ Kat narrowed her eyes at her but just then the girl they’d been talking about walked down the stairs. ‘Hey Debs. Your mum was about to tell me how you got the tickets for the Ariana Grande concert tonight.’
Debs halted, her gaze flying to her mum. ‘I told you not to say anything.’
‘Jeez, I haven’t said anything. But I’ve got a feeling you’ve just let the cat get so close to the opening of the bag, you’ll have to let it out, if you get my drift.’
‘He said not to tell you,’ Debs mumbled.
Kat had a feeling she knew the answer, but she asked anyway. ‘Who is he?’
Debs threw her arms in the air. ‘God, you know who I’m talking about. He just wanted to do something nice for me, okay? No need to get all funny over it. He’s my friend as well as yours.’
Kat paused a moment as her brain joined the dots. ‘Zac got these tickets for you?’
‘So what if he did? He wanted me to have something to look forward to, after what I’d been through.’ Her voice croaked a little. ‘He said a bunch of other stuff too, about not being able to make up for it, but I told him to shut up ’cos he was being dumb.’
Kat wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotion that hurtled through her. To think he’d been kind enough, considerate enough, to do something special for the girl he’d only known a short time. Yet was it really so surprising? Wasn’t that Zac all over? ‘But why keep me in the dark?’ It was the one thing that she couldn’t understand. All that talk about her ending things, telling him it was over – had he decided that’s what he wanted now?
‘I don’t know. He just said not to tell you.’ She looked down at the floor, and then at Kat. ‘You should make up with him. He’s well nice.’
With that, she walked into the living room and turned the TV on.
Mandy burst out laughing. ‘See, my daughter knows a good man when she sees one.’