My shirt was warm and wet with his tears and my chest felt as if it was burning.
“You’re so brave, Lu,” I whispered and I wasn’t surprised to hear the tears in my own voice. I was angry yes, but more than anything, I hurt for all the pain Luke had felt, for all the pain he still felt daily.
Luke chuckled against my neck, but it wasn’t a happy sound in any way. “Yeah, right. I’m scared to go to sleep and you think I’m brave.”
I leaned back, making him move away and look at me. Slowly, making sure he knew what I was doing, I took his face gently between my palms, wiping his tears with my thumbs. “You are brave, Luke. You’ve survived so much and you’re still here fighting and living. Of course, you’re brave. You’re the bravest man I know and I’m proud to be your friend, okay?”
Luke’s eyes filled with tears again and he jumped at me, his arms curling around my neck, his face pressed against my chest. I put my arms around him, cradling him close. I pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head and held him as he clung to me, sobbing quietly into my chest. At that moment, I swore to myself that I’d do everything I could to make sure Luke never suffered like this again. And if I couldn’t, I’d damn well make sure I was there to fight alongside him.
I woke up to bright sunlight and a warm weight pressing against my front. It took me a moment to remember where I was and who lay on my chest. Opening my eyes, I looked down at the sleeping form of Luke and smiled. We were in pretty much the same position as last night, with his arms loosely curled around me and his head on my chest. His dark hair hid his face from me, but the deep breaths told me he was still asleep. I contemplated trying to slip away and making him some breakfast, but I didn’t want to risk waking him, especially after how little he’d slept last night. I was surprised to have slept for so long myself. Usually, I was up before the sun rose. Maybe it was because of the late night...or maybe it was because of the company that I’d managed to sleep so well.
Shaking my head, I leaned over and grabbed the book I’d been reading last night. Better be reading than staring at him like a creep when he woke up, right? It took me a while to get into the book since my mind kept going back to everything Luke had revealed last night. He’d suffered so much and I was in awe of him for having survived it and reclaiming his life like he had. He’d been help captive by a madman for three years of his life. I couldn’t even imagine the kind of trauma he must’ve gone through during that time, and here he was, building his life back up again, trudging on despite every episode, every nightmare that hindered his progress.
As I thought about it, I realized I needed to remember that he wouldn’t like it if I let this information affect my treatment of him in any way. He was still the same Luke he’d been yesterday. The only change was that I knew more about his past but not his present.
And so I made myself focus on the words in the book I was supposedly reading. Soon, I was into the book and I must have read for around an hour before Luke stirred. I knew the exact moment he woke up because he went stiff in my arms as he realized where he was. Before he could panic, I murmured softly, “Good morning, Luke. Did you sleep well?”
“Uh,” Luke mumbled and straightened up, sliding away from me. “Yeah, yeah I did.”
“That’s great. I was thinking that I’ll make some breakfast and you can grab a shower if you want?”
Luke was up before I’d finished talking, and I could practically see the nervousness and anxiety wafting off of him. “Yeah, that’s a great idea.”
“Toast and scrambled eggs okay?”
Luke nodded and I stood up, stretching my arms and cracking my neck. God, sleeping on a couch was an awful business.
“Scott?” Luke’s voice was a whisper and I turned around to where he was standing at the door to the bedroom.
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being there for me last night.”
I smiled softly, shaking my head, “You’re my best friend, Luke. I’ll always be there for you. And thank you for trusting me and sharing with me.”
Luke smiled. It was a small, barely-there tilt of his lips, but it was there and I counted it as a win. Luke left the room then, and I made my own way to the kitchen. I had some breakfast to make.
11 | Luke
I slammed the bathroom door behind me and leaned against it, trying to force some air into my lungs. The fact that I’d done this way too many times in the past few months wasn’t lost on me. But then again, where else could I freak out in private than in the bathroom? Last night’s dream had been horrible, more so than the usual ones. I blamed it on the change in the surrounding, though I wondered if it was because of the way I’d started to feel about Scott. It was only when we'd been on our way back from the hike that I'd realized why my heart was beating so fast. That when I'd thought Scott was calling me beautiful, I'd liked it.
Though I also knew nothing could happen with Scott. He was the best person I’d ever known, my best friend and now that he knew everything, why would he ever want me anyway? I was damaged goods, through and through. There was no point fantasizing about anything happening between us. No point at all.
Shaking my head, I undressed quickly and stood under the shower, letting the cold water wash over me before it warmed. I showered quickly, avoiding looking at the scars that were yet another proof of my fucked-upness. I'd already had a shitty night, I didn't need the memories ruining my day too.
Turning off the shower, I dried myself before slipping into the clothes I’d brought into the shower. Pulling my sleeves over my wrists, I realized that maybe I didn’t need to hide all of me anymore. Scott knew my past, so maybe I didn’t need to hide everything from him anymore.
Blowing out a breath, I pulled my sleeves up to my elbows, leaving the scars on my wrists out in the open for the first time in a year and left the room before I could change my mind or over think. I pulled my hair into a bun as I walked into the living room. I could hear the music coming from the kitchen so that’s where I headed.
“It smells delicious in here,” I took a deep breath as I walked in, taking in the scent of frying eggs, buttered toast and a fresh pot of coffee. Scott looked up from where he was working on the eggs and smiled at me. “The smell of coffee is the best thing to wake up to.” He intoned, making me smile.
His eyes examined me from head to toe and his smile widened when he saw my bare arms. Did he realize what it meant? Did he know how much I’d come to trust him, this man who wouldn’t leave me alone all those months ago?
Still smiling, he dished out the eggs and toast before placing them on the kitchen counter and I did the same with the coffees, adding milk and sugar to his. We sat side by side on the barstools and I curled my palm around the warm coffee mug while grabbing the fork. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Did I ignore everything that happened last night? Did I thank him again?
“Luke,” Scott said before I could decide, and the strangled, hoarse edge to his voice made me look up at him. But he wasn’t looking at me, no, he was looking at my wrists, at the bracelet-like scars that covered it. Wearing metal cuffs for close to two years did that to your skin, unfortunately.