“You’re like my son. Caretakers, the both of you. You bring the pizza, I have the wine.”
We spoke for another minute, deciding on a take-and-bake. I packed a bag with my makeup, PJs, and a packet of Oreos. It didn’t take me long to grab the food and make it to Jake’s house—well, Bonnie’s house too for another week, and then it would be Jake’s house again. At that point, I’d likely never see it again. Silly as it was, the thought made me sad.
Bonnie came out when I parked in front of the house. It was around seven, and she was already in pajamas.
“I’m much more excited than I should be. I feel like a kid again,” she said as I handed her the pizza and then got my bag. Warmth spread through my chest. Her excitement made me feel good. She deserved all the happiness she could find. Not for the first time, I wondered about Jake’s dad.
“I’m stoked too. I never did this when I was a kid. Jesse and I would do stuff like this when he lived with me, but it hasn’t happened as often lately.”
We went into the house and chatted for a few minutes while Bonnie warmed up the oven. I kept looking around the space, seeing Jake in it—grabbing something from the fridge or lounging on the couch. The house had such a masculine vibe to it, simple and homey.
“Do you mind if I go change?” I asked.
“Of course not.”
I went into the bathroom and put on my checkered pink and white pajama bottoms with a white shirt. Bonnie had wine out for me when I got there.
“To new beginnings.” She held up her glass.
“To new beginnings.” I clinked mine with hers.
I wanted that so badly. In a lot of ways, moving to Portland had been my new beginning, but I wanted more. I’d had to fight Mom like crazy to be able to come. I’d enrolled without her knowing. My senior year had been shit, and I’d wanted out of there.
We chatted and drank wine. Ate pizza and drank wine. Sat in the middle of the living room floor while I did her makeup and drank wine, the slow beginnings of a buzz tingling beneath my skin.
“Do you have a curling iron? I can do your hair.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll go get it.”
She disappeared into the other room as I went to the table. I moved one of the chairs over by an outlet, and then Bonnie returned. She handed it over, I plugged it in, and began to comb her hair.
“Why aren’t you doing this, Seth?”
“Doing what? I’m doing this right now.” I giggled. Oh boy, I was definitely a little buzzed.
“You know what I mean. Don’t make me pull out the mom card on you.”
We were both giggling after that. I settled down as I began to twist the curling iron with a section of her hair. “Well, I don’t know that I’d be very good at it. I mean, I’m okay, but I’m not a natural like Jesse. Even if that wasn’t the case, my mother would never allow it.”
“I mean this with all due respect, honey, but you’re a grown man. You can do what you want.”
She was right, of course. I knew that in theory. “It’s…difficult. She’s a strong woman, and she has all these expectations. Going into cosmetology isn’t good enough for our family.” That was the tip of the iceberg, really. It was Mom, but it was me too. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t know if I was good enough, and all sorts of other things.
“I’m sorry. You deserve to be happy. Maybe deep down, that’s what she wants. Have you tried to talk to her?”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, opened them, and began to curl. “Once. It didn’t go well. I didn’t even wear makeup when I lived at home. It’s only been since I moved to Portland. I love my mom, but she’s not like you. I’m free to do what I want as long as it fits into her little box. We make money. People look up to us. We don’t curl hair.” Now that I’d started, I didn’t seem to be able to stop. “I know it’s because she didn’t grow up with much. She wants more for me. She didn’t have much control over anything as a kid, and now she’s obsessed with having it. And then there’s my dad. She’s afraid to lose me like she did him, not that school has anything to do with that part of it.” I didn’t want to let her down. I wanted to earn her love.
When I pulled the iron out of her hair, she turned to me. “But it’s your life. You can’t live for someone else. If you’re happy, then I’m happy. If you’re not, then you should try to be. That’s what I’m doing—trying to be happy. And if you ever want something else, I’d help with that too. I’m a bit of a mama bear. Jake got it from me.”
My stomach flipped a few times at the mention of her son. I was crushing way too hard on this guy I didn’t really know. And I was also…really fucking thankful for Bonnie. She was more than a friend. She felt like a mom. “Thank you. I… Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Nothing to thank me for. Now, no more sad stuff. We’re having fun tonight.”
So that’s what we did. I finished her hair, and she gushed over it. We drank more wine, and she curled mine, and mine…did not look as good as hers did.
Afterward, we were back on the living room floor with some ’80s movie on TV she said she was in love with. I’d never seen it. Something about kids looking for treasure. I’d heard of it, but that was it.
And we drank more wine.
And ate Oreos.
It was the best.
“Oh my God! He’s super hot,” I said, pointing to the guy on the screen. He was the main character’s big brother. “I want a boyfriend. Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” As soon as I said it, I felt stupid, and then I laughed and didn’t feel anything because there was likely more wine in my body than there was blood.
Bonnie laughed. “You’ll find a great guy one day. One who treats you the way you deserve.” She sat closer to me. “Promise me. Promise me you won’t accept anything less than you deserve. I did, and while I don’t regret all of it because it brought me Jake…well, I wish I left earlier.”
I closed my eyes, tried not to think of the one boy who’d tried to use me, who had pretended to like me so he could manipulate me to get what he wanted. And when I hadn’t fallen in line, he’d made me feel like there was something wrong with me. The boy who sometimes still haunted my dreams. “Promise.” I opened my eyes again.
“And if you meet a boy who isn’t nice to you, you tell him your Mama Bonnie is going to take care of it.”
Then we were both giggling again. I had no idea why, but I didn’t want to stop. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her I had a crush on her son, but some quiet voice in my head told me I’d regret it if I did. That only made me laugh harder.
“Me, on the other hand, I’m gonna do it differently next time and find someone who treats me right. I’m not going to ignore the warning signs. I’m not going to take any crap. Or maybe I’ll stay single forever. I don’t need a man.” Her hand flew to her mouth, and she covered it in embarrassment. “Oh my God, I’m so drunk.”
“Me too. And boys can be so dumb. Well, except me and—”
“Hopefully me.”
My eyes darted up, and there was Jake, his big arms crossed over his chest, an ear-to-ear smile on his face, and damned if I didn’t whimper. And die. I was going to die! He was seeing me drunk, obsessively giggling with his mom while I talked about boys being dumb. How long had he been there? Did he hear me declare I wanted a boyfriend?