“Perfect!” she replied.
A couple of hours later, after I’d helped Jake build a bookshelf, he said, “Too bad you have to work tonight. You could help me here with her. I’m shit at decorating, and she’s not the best at helping me put furniture together.”
“I heard that!” Bonnie called from the kitchen.
“I didn’t try and hide it!” Jake countered. There was an ache inside me. I wanted what they had so badly.
“Like I said earlier, I’m not great at it either. If you’re not done, I can help tomorrow.”
Bonnie came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. “I really appreciate your helping out today. You didn’t have to do that, especially since you work later tonight.”
There was nowhere else I’d rather be. “It’s no problem.”
She pointed to Jake. “And you should head out soon too. You don’t need to spend the whole night here with me. I can do some of it by myself, and what I can’t, will be here another day.”
“I don’t mind helping,” Jake told her.
“I know, sweet boy. And I love that about you, but I also… I think I’d like to try to do some of it myself.”
When I looked at Jake, I could see how much he wanted to be there for her, to make sure Bonnie knew she had his support, but wanted to see her spread her wings too. “Okay.” He nodded.
“You should go to the bar tonight and see Seth play. He’s lovely.”
“Oh, you don’t have to—” I sputtered.
“If I know you,” Bonnie told Jake, “you’ll worry about me. So going out might help.”
“I might do that.” Jake looked at me.
“Really?” I asked, focusing on him. Did he really want to hear me play, or was he being polite?
“I’m…not sure. I might be too tired, so…” His words stalled, and he seemed a bit cagey, his gaze roaming everywhere while totally avoiding me.
“No worries!” I rushed out. “It might not be your thing. I go in at nine, and we start our set by nine thirty, not that the time matters, but I guess it does if you’re there to hear me play.” I really needed to shut up.
“Okay, cool,” Jake said, finally looking at me again. “Maybe I’ll see you tonight.”
“Maybe you will,” I replied, hoping that maybe turned to a definite yes.
12
Jake
I paced back and forth in my living room, wearing a hole in the floorboard. Why was I acting like this was such a big deal? It was only a club, for Christ’s sake, and Seth would be playing the piano while Jesse sang for the crowd. We were friends, he seemed excited when I said I might show up, and it would be cool to see him in his element.
No doubt it was a good idea to get out since it was the first night Mom was living on her own and I’d most likely obsess about her safety all night. I reminded myself that her building was secure and that she seemed eager to have the place to herself. I needed to stop hovering like a mother hen. It was hard, though. Every time I thought about it, I imagined my dad showing up—irrational, I knew—or someone else, and hurting the person I cared about most.
Lifting my cell, I briefly considered asking Bree if she wanted to join me, but I also knew that Mark was back on the road and it was too last-minute to find a sitter for Hailey. Same with Mia. Or maybe I was making excuses because this was something I wanted to experience alone, probably so I could have my own private freak-out like I was doing now.
Mind made up, I jumped in the shower, then took forever deciding what to wear. I did own too many pairs of jeans—not that I’d ever admit that to Tad—and I did like to look neat and put together, so I didn’t have any with fashionable holes or anything like that. I was being ridiculous; it was only a bar. So I threw on my favorite dark-wash jeans and a light-gray T-shirt.
I got in the truck before I changed my mind again, and drove across town to the Playground. Holy shit, I was really doing this.
I found a parking space a couple of blocks down from the club because apparently, the place was hopping. I got in line, feeling self-conscious again as I listened to all the enthusiastic chatter around me, and was finally let inside. And damn, it was crowded and chaotic in there, which to my relief, helped me blend in better. As I made my way into the heart of the club, I noticed two fully stocked bars and men dancing on risers, wearing only tight, nylon shorts. And no doubt, they were gorgeous men. One with dark hair briefly caught my attention as he turned so his ass was facing the crowd, and his shorts, which barely covered his cheeks, read: Cum Dumpster.
My face flamed red. I had never been in this sort of environment where the sensuality of gay men was so in your face. Of course, I’d been to straight strip clubs and dance bars, but this place appealed to that other side of myself that I’d rarely catered to except in my own imagination, and it was…well, it was overwhelming.
When I got a few interested looks thrown my way, my blush deepened, and I figured I needed a drink, stat, to help me loosen up and take it all in. But first I wanted to find Seth and the speakeasy. I knew from the time frame he gave me that their set had already begun, so I didn’t want to miss much more if I could help it. I paused a moment against the wall and looked around, trying to get my bearings.
Two men beside me started kissing and grinding, and I thought my head was gonna explode. They were attractive and sexy, and I tried not to stare, but unfortunately, I must’ve given myself away because one of the guys grinned at me as he trailed his fingers down my arm. “Wanna join us?”
Holy shit, my pulse started going crazy. I had never been into threesomes—I’d prefer to watch, to be honest—but now I could feel my ears growing hot, and I undoubtedly looked all flustered and sweaty. Totally out of my element here.
“No, thanks,” I replied, finally finding my voice. “Can you tell me how to get to the Underground?”
He threw me a dazzling smile as he pointed toward a door painted black at the back of the club. Directions given, he pulled his partner into a steamy kiss as if we’d never had the conversation at all. Christ, I needed that drink.
I made my way through the crowd to the black door, pulled it open, then walked down the stairs behind another couple of guys, taking in the insular atmosphere after leaving the Playground behind.
“Password?” asked a large bouncer with a purple Mohawk.
“Huh?” Oh shit, now I remembered Seth telling us that they posted the password on their Instagram page. “I, uh…”
The guy behind me whispered in my ear, “Today’s password is Love is Love.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, then repeated the words to purple Mohawk dude, barely having enough time to consider it was a phrase heard all too often in the last few years, and here I was, in my first gay club, embracing the very meaning behind it.
“Don’t sweat it,” he replied with a smile, opening the door to let me inside.
As soon as I crossed over the threshold, it felt like a time warp dating back a hundred years. The sound was muted, the space darker and understated, the vibe more serene, and I instantly felt my shoulders unwind. Much more my speed.