I didn’t say anything and dropped my hand away. Blood was rushing through my ears, my heart slamming against my chest, this loud echo drowning out everything else.
Colton took off my clothes, then his own. I was shaking, too scared to enjoy the view, knowing I liked him and so that meant I should be ready for this. If I didn’t, he wouldn’t like me anymore.
He flipped me roughly, and my body went rigid. I was lying on my stomach, naked and screaming inside because this was too much too fast.
“What’s the problem? I assumed you wanted to be here with me.”
No, no, no, no! screamed through my head, this loud voice that didn’t feel like mine and couldn’t find its way from my brain to my mouth, but when I felt his hand on my ass, it suddenly did. “No.”
He sighed. “You came up here with me. You knew I’d want this.” Colton sat on the bed, close to my head. He put his hand on my nape and nudged my face toward his erection. “Then just do me a favor. It’s not a big deal.” With his other hand he angled his cock toward my lips.
“I’m scared.”
“Don’t be. I’ll take care of you. Come on. If you like me, you’ll do it. Just start by kissing it.”
I kept my mouth closed, shook my head, but didn’t push away. He kept talking, kept asking me, and I didn’t say no again, but I didn’t do it. I also didn’t move. Why the hell couldn’t I move? It was like I wasn’t there even though I was, and he kept easing my head into his lap, kept repeating that I’d do it if I liked him, and that it would make him like me…that it would make me special.
Tears burned my eyes, I trembled, and I tried to sit up, but he lowered my head toward his lap again, his other hand still holding his erection, and finally this strange energy burst inside me, flashes of…something, I didn’t even know what it was. “No!” I yelled, pushing away.
“Fuck you, Seth. I should have known you were too much of a wuss to do something like this. You’re such a fucking tease. Get dressed. I’ll take you home.”
My whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I grabbed my clothes, crying as I dressed in front of him. I wanted to tell him I did like him, that I just wanted to kiss him and maybe next time I could do more, but I couldn’t find my words. I wasn’t in my body anymore. I felt broken, like there was something wrong with me, and that just made the tears flow harder.
“Hey, Seth. Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
This voice was different…soothing…caring. My eyes jerked open, the light from the hallway spilling in, and there was Jake, leaning over me.
“Sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I came out to get a drink, and I could hear you crying in your sleep. Are you okay?”
No, no I wasn’t okay.
He cupped my face, brushed my hair back, and I closed my eyes, savoring it, wanting to sink into his touch, but then, what if that made me a tease again?
“Yes,” I said. “Sorry. God, this is so embarrassing. I should go.”
I tried to get out of bed, but Jake shook his head. “You don’t have to go. You can, of course. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but…do you have them often? Nightmares?”
“Sometimes,” I found myself admitting, though no one knew about them except Jesse, and even he didn’t know why.
“Can I sit?” he asked, and warmth spread through my chest. The question helped. Colton had never asked; he’d manipulated, acted, taken control, and then gotten angry with me when I said no.
“Yes.”
Jake sat on the edge of the bed. “Is there anything I can do?”
Hold me, I wanted to tell him, then again wondered if that meant he would expect more. But Jake was straight, and he wouldn’t want that. And he was kind, a caretaker. Jesse was the only person I trusted to hold me, but I would trust Jake too. Sometimes I needed to feel close to someone, wrapped up in the warmth of someone I knew wouldn’t push me, wouldn’t get angry with me. Jake hadn’t spent time with me only to get something from me the way Colton had. How could I ask him for that, though? He would think I was weak.
“Do you want me to stay with you?”
I bit my lip, nodded. Then…I turned off my brain. He might plan to sit on the edge of the bed the rest of the night, but I hoped not. I scooted over, pulled back the blanket—me, not Jake telling me to. It was my question, not his order, which made all the difference.
He sucked in a sharp breath, then lay beside me. He didn’t have a shirt on, only a pair of basketball shorts. He had hair on his broad chest, and his arms looked so warm, so inviting. I wanted to climb inside them and feel secure, the way I did with Jesse, not how Colton had made me feel.
My whole body began to tremble.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“No!” I rushed out. He’d asked, and that meant the world to me. “Don’t go.”
“I won’t,” he replied softly, and then, “Do you wanna, um…come closer?”
I did, so I moved in. I didn’t know why he was offering to hold me, but I wasn’t going to turn him away. I wanted too much to be enclosed in Jake’s arms. I went, and he wrapped an arm around me. I rested my face against his muscular pec. Settled into his warmth. Inhaled his scent. He didn’t push for more. He didn’t manipulate me. He didn’t try and take control. He just…held me.
Jake pulled the blanket over us, and I snuggled in deeper. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It…it feels nice.” His strong, calloused fingers trailed up and down my arm. I wished I wasn’t wearing a shirt.
I smiled into his skin. It felt more than nice, but I said only, “Yeah, it does.”
“You’re sure it’s okay?”
He couldn’t have asked anything more perfect. “Better than,” I replied, and drifted off into a nightmare-free sleep.
14
Jake
I woke up for the third time that night, unable to believe there was a man curled inside my arms. A sweet, adorable guy who’d had a bad enough dream that he was whimpering in his sleep like a wounded animal. No way could I resist going to him and trying to protect him from whatever was making him so afraid. I had seen that sort of distress before, had felt it myself throughout childhood, but I couldn’t make assumptions that Seth’s fears were even remotely similar. He could’ve been afraid of anything, and I wanted to be there for him. I wanted him to trust me enough to protect him, but that might’ve been asking too much, so for now I’d make him feel as safe as possible by holding him while he slept.
And he undeniably slept. He was even snoring a little, which was cute, and I tried to bite back a chuckle so I didn’t wake him.
Between that and my dick not cooperating, I was surprised he wasn’t uncomfortable. I’d been hard and aching practically all night, so I tried to stay as still as possible so he didn’t get the wrong idea or think I was trying to take advantage of him. The problem was, I’d never been this close to a man, let alone one I was attracted to—and those two things in the same thought were pretty heady. He felt so sleep-warm in my arms, and smelled good, and I was like some creeper as I kept sniffing his hair and brushing my scruff over the top of his head because it felt nice.