Part I
The Contract
Welcome to episode eighty-seven of your favorite podcast, Women on D*cks, where me and my favorite female guests talk about all things guy related. As always, this is your girl, Tori Klein, and even though I don’t have any guests today, I do have two super exciting announcements for my loyal army of TorMenTors.
First, I’m beyond amazed to say that we just passed one million subscribers on iTunes!
I can’t even begin to express how lucky I am to have the greatest fans in all of Internet Land! Seriously, you all rock, and none of this would be possible without your support. So, in honor of our one millionth download, I’m giving away a bunch of cool Women On D*cks merch, as well as some of my brand-new Tormentor Army shirts, signed by yours truly. All you have to do is leave some love in the comments and I’ll choose ten—that’s right, ten lucky winners. All names will be announced on Wednesday’s vlog!
You’re probably wondering what my second piece of amazing news could be, right?
I can’t keep you guys waiting any longer.
I’ve been teasing about it for a while now, and its finally time for my big reveal.
So, about a year ago, one of our own loyal supporters reached out to me about a project she wanted to work with me on. After some careful consideration, followed by a crazy amount of hard work, I’m happy to announce that soon you’ll be able to grab a copy of my very first book!
That’s right, TorMenTors, soon your girl is going to add published author to her growing list of titles. My debut book, which I named after my most downloaded episode of this podcast—Fuckboys—will soon be available at a store near you. I don’t have any details or dates for you yet, but stay tuned.
That’s all for now, guys. Gotta run. Remember to leave that comment for a chance to win all that amazing merch, and stay tuned for updates!
And, as always, support your girl by hitting that subscribe button and leaving a review!
Tori
I started my podcast when I came to the realization that all women eventually come to—that men are slaves to the masters that are their dicks. It’s a simple truth, and the sooner you realize it, the better off you’ll be
If you follow me on social media you already know how I feel about this topic, it’s pretty much the focus of all of my content. And if you do follow me, I know you’ve seen (and hopefully used) that very hashtag I created—#slavestotheirdicks. But just in case you’re not one of my loyal Tormentor Army, hit me up on Insta, @Tor_MEN_Ted, and make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell on my YouTube channel—I vlog twice a week.
If you don’t know me from either of those platforms (well, get on that!), then I should probably introduce myself properly.
I’m Tori Klein. Feminist influencer. Vlogger. Podcaster. Regular woman trying to get through the day. Oh, and I forgot to mention that soon I’ll be a published author as well—but I’ll get to that part in a second.
The first time someone called me Instafamous I almost hurled. I’m not in this for any kind of fame or recognition, but it kind of comes with the territory. Eventually I caved and just accepted that I’m kinda sorta famous, but only for the small percentage of the population that know my vlogging and podcasting.
Let’s just say I get recognized more at Starbucks than anywhere else. But whether the old lady at the grocery store recognizes me or not, I still make a living off my social media accounts and the sponsors of my podcast. But I’m never satisfied, no matter how many new followers I get. I always want to reach more women. I always want to spread the gospel of #MenArePigs. And that’s why I’ll soon be adding published author to my growing list of job titles.
I decided to write a book so I could send my message to even more people than I could reach on Insta, or YouTube, or even on my podcast. A book is another platform, another chance to grow my rabid following of TorMenTors and spread the gospel of #slavestotheirdicks.
But there’s a catch, of course—there’s always a catch.
The thing is, I’m not technically published just yet, but it’s practically a wrap. A fan slid into my DM’s about a year ago and told me that she worked for one of the top publishing companies in Manhattan, and that my content is something they’re missing in their catalog. So, long story short, I have what she called a ‘pitch meeting’ there tomorrow. From what she tells me, that whole meeting thing is basically just a formality.
If all goes well—and how could it not when they read my insights into the male sex—you’ll be able to order your very own copy of Fuckboys on Amazon. And if you’re super lucky, maybe you’ll even get to meet me at your local Barnes & Noble when I’m signing copies on my sold-out book tour—I can’t wait to meet you, by the way, and I thank you in advance for supporting my career! #Tormentors!
But before taking our epic selfies in front of my signing table (please use the hashtags #torikleinisawesome #shessoapproachable #myfavoriteauthor #fuckboys, and always remember to tag me).
Before you check out my pages or (eventually) read my book, we do need to clarify a few things, because there’s some misinformation floating out there about me and my beliefs, mostly from the trolls in the comments section.
1.) What I’m not: the radical feminist, man-hating bitch I’ve been accused of being more times than I can count.
2.) What I am: a strong, fierce, ambitious woman who isn’t afraid to speak her truth for the world to hear, and to inspire other women to do the same.
And what’s the number one question I get from women who are looking to start their own vlog or podcast? Easy. How do you find time in the day to do it all, Tori?
I’ll tell you a secret, I don’t do it all. No one can manage a social media empire like I have without some serious help, and in that case the help is my other half. No, not that kind of other half, I’m as single as they come. I mean my bestie, Shoshana. She’s been a fixture in my life since college, and she helps me edit, come up with concepts, find guests, and even manage my pages when I’m too busy. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her.
How would I describe our friendship? Let’s just say that we’re. . . well, we’re a little different—opposites in almost every way that two women can be, but if Paula Abdul taught us nothing else, it’s that opposites attract.
When I’m not in front of my camera or behind a microphone, I’m intense, reserved, and usually distrustful until I get to know someone. Shoshana is Ms. Loves The World—trusting, outgoing, happy-go-lucky, and the coolest strange person you’ll ever meet. She’s also weird as hell, in the best possible way.
When it comes to guys, we also exist on opposite sides of the universe. I see men for the stray alley cats that they are, but my other half believes in their goodness, no matter how many times she’s been screwed over by them—and trust me, it’s no small amount of times.
We talk about this subject all the time, and not just for the vlogs. We just love to debate each other when it comes to anything guy related. Besides all the other time we spend around each other (sometimes I feel like she’s my work wife), we also have weekly sit down lunches at different restaurants around the city to discuss upcoming episodes and themes we want to explore. A few days ago we got into it about the differences in our perspectives when it comes to the opposite sex.