There was no doubt in my mind that I had absolutely fallen for the man. He was perfect and flawed and I knew he was the right man for me. His stubbornness and belief he was better off alone were not a turnoff for me. In fact, it made me want to get even closer to him. I wanted to crawl into his soul and stay there forever.
I was in trouble. I was falling in love with a man that didn’t seem all that interested in loving me back. I told myself it was just his way. He needed a little more time. I could be patient with him. I could give him the time and space he needed to realize we were good for each other. I pushed hard already. I didn’t want to push him any harder.
He had to come to the realization on his own. I wasn’t sure how I would handle it if he didn’t come to the same conclusion I did. I would worry about that later. For now, I was lying in the arms of a man who seemed to care for me a great deal. I would take it. I would hold on to every precious minute I got with him.
“Blanket?” he murmured.
“I’m good,” I told him.
I didn’t want to move. I didn’t think I could move at that point.
Chapter 53
Xander
Waking up with Evie’s soft body draped over mine was probably one of the best feelings in the world. It was a little strange to me. I was not the kind of guy who liked the postcoital cuddling and the sleepovers with a woman snuggled against me.
I liked space in my bed. I liked to stretch out without worrying about another body being in my way. With Evie, I found myself clinging to her. In the middle of the night, I would wake up and find her just to pull her next to me.
I liked feeling her warm breath brush across my chest. I liked hearing her steady breathing. I didn’t even mind the little bit of drool I could feel on my bare chest. It was all part of who she was. As it turned out, I really liked who she was.
It was dangerous. I knew it was a huge risk, but I felt myself falling for her a little more every time I spent time with her. She was so much more than a beautiful woman to me. She was becoming my other half. She was the person I wanted to talk to about anything that excited me and things that happened during my day.
What was supposed to be a casual relationship was morphing into something much more real. I had real feelings for her. I wasn’t sure what to think about it or how to process it. I didn’t want to do anything that pushed her away. I knew that for sure. I wanted to try to make things work between us.
“You’re awake,” she murmured, lifting her head and wiping her mouth.
“I am. Just for a couple minutes.”
“Was I snoring?”
“Nope.”
She turned her face to look up at me. “Are you lying?”
I leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose. “No.”
She settled back against my chest. “Good.”
“Are you hungry?”
“I could use some coffee.”
“I’ll order room service. Do you want some fruit? Toast? A big breakfast spread?”
She pulled away, resting her head on the pillow next to mine. “I’m cool with whatever you want.”
I turned my head to look at her. “I will tell you what I want, but it doesn’t come from room service.”
She slapped at my chest. “You have to feed me first. I’m not even sure I can move.”
“You can move, baby. Trust me. You can move.”
“Food,” she said with a laugh before crawling out of bed and walking nude to the bathroom.
I ordered room service for us, suddenly hungry. Then I stepped out on the balcony in just my underwear and inhaled the fresh air. It was a little chilly, but it was wonderfully refreshing.
“There you are,” Evie said. She stepped behind me, wrapping her arms around me and resting her face against my back.
“I like the air here,” I told her.
“Isn’t it the same air?”
“It feels cleaner.”
She pulled away from me. I turned to look at her in the fluffy white robe that had been hanging on the back of the door.
“If you say so,” she said.
“Room service will be here soon. I’m going to grab a quick shower.”
“Okay.”
The atmosphere shifted between us. It wasn’t that it was an awkward morning-after scenario. It was the upcoming talk. I knew there were some things that needed to be said. I wasn’t looking forward to the saying of those things.
When I walked out of the bedroom, she was sitting at the small table in the room with several plates of food. “It smells good,” I commented.
She sipped her coffee. “It is so good.”
I sat down and lifted the dome from my plate. The fluffy pancakes, scrambled eggs, and crispy bacon all looked amazing. I dumped syrup over the pancakes and took the first bite.
“When is your flight?” I asked casually.
“Three. What about you? Did you buy a round trip?”
I couldn’t look at her. “No.”
“When are you going back?”
“I’m not.”
Time froze. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“What about your business? Your house? Your boat and car?”
I shrugged. “The house is being closed up and will be going on the market soon. I’m mooring the boat at a marina. It will stay there. I’ll call someone to get the car.”
“And your business? All the work you’ve been doing the last few weeks. What about that?”
“I don’t know. I can work from anywhere.” I finally forced myself to look at her. The pain and disappointment I saw there hurt me.
“Why?” she asked.
“I can’t go back there. It’s tainted. Everywhere I look in my house, I see him. I remember the exact spot he stood on the patio. I remember him sitting in one of the chairs by the pool. I remember him sleeping in that bedroom.”
“I understand that, but that is part of grief. Those reminders don’t have to be bad things.”
“It’s like living with a ghost. I can’t be there.”
“What will you do?”
It was a good question. A great question. It was too bad I didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“Maybe you just need a week or two to process all of this,” she suggested.
“I’ve processed it,” I told her. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Do you plan to stay here? With your father?”
I shuddered at the thought. “No. I don’t know. There are memories here as well, but they’re not nearly as sharp as the ones from my house.”
She pushed her plate away. My news had stolen her appetite apparently. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Honestly, neither do I. But I can’t be there. It’s not my home anymore.”
“You could buy a new house. With your money, you could buy any house you wanted.”
“True, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’m not sure I want to be there anymore. I’m not sure about anything anymore.”
She was quiet for a while. “I get it. I understand you are going through something. Can I ask you to do one thing?”