“Why? He has everything here.”
“I know,” I said. “That’s what I tried to tell him. He doesn’t want to be here with memories of his brother haunting him. The last place he saw his brother was here and it haunts him.”
She slowly nodded. “I get that, but you would think he would want those memories.”
“I guess not everyone likes to live with a ghost.”
“What does that mean for you guys?” she softly asked the question I had yet to figure out the answer to.
“I don’t know. He says he wants to make it work but we both know it won’t. He doesn’t even know where he is going to land. He’s kind of lost and drifting.”
“Why don’t you go with him?”
I almost choked on his wine. “Well, for starters, he didn’t invite me. Then there’s the fact I work here. My job that I have worked very hard at is here. My dad is here. My life is here. I’m not running from any ghosts.”
“But I thought we established you were into this guy,” she said. “Isn’t he worth fighting for?”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh uh. No way. You don’t get to put that on me again. I fought for him. I chased him down, after breaking several laws by the way. I did what I could. I was there for him. I let him know I was here. I have done everything short of shackle myself to him and I have a tiny bit of dignity left. I’m not going to do that.”
“He’s a stubborn guy,” she reasoned. “He needs a little more convincing.”
“I don’t think he has it in him. He’s made up his mind. He knows exactly what he is leaving behind.”
“Maybe he didn’t ask you to go with him because he didn’t think you would want to,” she suggested.
“I don’t want to go with him. I have a job. A job I love. A job I have worked very hard to get to where I am at. I am not going to give all of that up.”
She sipped her wine. I could practically see the little wheels in her brain turning. “If you give up everything to be with him and he wants you to be with him, I don’t think you need to worry about working. He’s ridiculously rich. Why would you work?”
“I am not going to mooch off him,” I said.
“You wouldn’t be mooching. It’s a couple thing. Do you mean to tell me if things work out, you would insist on paying half the rent?”
“Well, no, but that would be different.”
“How?”
“Because we would be a couple,” I answered and then shook my head. “No, I don’t even know if I could do it then. I just don’t know.”
“He has enough money to ensure your grandkids wouldn’t have to work. You cannot tell me that isn’t just a little appealing. I’m not saying you are after him for his money, but this is the real world. It’s natural to want a man that can take care of you. A man that works hard and is financially secure is becoming harder and harder to find. I don’t think you want to let this one get away.”
“Yes, financial security is a bonus, but it isn’t a motivating factor. I make decent money and I like what I do. I love working. I wouldn’t want to quit.”
“Here’s a little secret for you,” she said as she leaned forward. “People like to party. Every state, every country, people party.”
“What’s your point?”
“You could start your own company and be a party planner wherever you are. I bet your lovely man would be more than happy to make a financial investment in your company. This might be your chance to do the one thing I know you have wanted for a long time.”
“What would that be?”
“To start your own company,” she answered.
I did want to start my own company. “But my reputation is here in southern California. I have developed connections here. If I had to go somewhere else, it would be starting over. I would have nothing. No clients. No reputation. No anything.”
“Everyone has to start somewhere.”
“But I did already start. My dream is to start my own company here.”
She waved a hand. “If you go somewhere else, you wouldn’t have to compete with your current employer. You wouldn’t have to worry about noncompete clauses and all that crap.”
She had a good point. “I don’t know. I went up there to be with him. I assumed he would be coming back either with me or shortly after. I never expected to be presented with something that could completely alter my entire life.”
“Opportunities rarely send an advanced warning. They drop in your lap when you least expect it. This could be a huge opportunity for you.”
“I think we are getting way ahead of ourselves,” I said. “He hasn’t even suggested we sail around the world or move to Bermuda or wherever he is planning on going. He could be done with this. It was kind of weird, but when we said goodbye, I got the feeling it was a goodbye goodbye. He said the right words, but I saw it in his eyes.”
She popped out her bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I hope that isn’t the case. I know he cares about you and you are madly in love with him.”
“I am—” I was going to say I wasn’t, but that would be a lie. “I am. I’m so screwed. I fell in love with a guy at the worst possible time in his life. I sure know how to pick them.”
“Sometimes, things look bleakest just before they shine bright.”
I stared at her. “Did you read that on the back of a magazine or something?”
“Nope, I just made it up. Well, it’s a twist on something else I’ve heard, but it’s still real. This might be your moment. This might be the moment you change your life. You might be staring at your crossroads.”
“My crossroads?” I questioned.
“Yes. Go left, and it’s the road you know. The road that keeps you here and at your job. The road on the right takes you down the bumpy road with Xander. It’s filled with uncertainty, but it includes him.”
“When you put it like that, I’m going to say I’m leaning left.”
She nodded and licked her lips. “I get it.”
The way she said it told me she didn’t get it. “You have to tell me what’s on your mind. I can see you have something you want to say. Just get it off your chest.”
“Okay, I’ll say it. You love your job more than Xander.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? That’s harsh!”
She offered a smug look. “Is it true?”
“I don’t know. I can’t make that kind of a decision. I don’t have all the facts. I don’t know if it’s something he’s even interested in. I’m not going to invite myself into his life. Not now.”
“Your loss,” she said.
It would be my loss but there wasn’t much I could do about it. He had his own idea about the future and I was sure I was not part of it. “I know and I’m not looking forward to that loss, but I can’t push him. I don’t want to push him. What kind of relationship would that be? He would eventually feel like I was bullying him into being with me. That’s not really how I want to win a man.”
She shrugged. “I think you have to chase what you want. Sometimes, you have to bonk the object of your affection over the head. I think the cavemen were on to something.”