Axel’s voice is quiet. Soothing. Sweet. “You are my baby. You always were. I must go. Babies to deliver. Paperwork to sort. I have a little one to feed. I’ll be there in the morning, okay?”
“Thank you.” Jens whispers.
“I’ve got you.” Axel replies. “Sleep well. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Jens crawls back into bed with Marthe in his arms. He sleeps. He doesn’t wake up when Mikki crawls under the covers just after midnight. He doesn’t even hear Morten sneak in at four, when the birds just start to chirp, and the sun starts to rise.
He doesn’t wake up when Axel lies down and wraps his arms around his back. There is no space. Just warmth. And that is how Jens wakes up. Safe and warm, and held, with everyone he loves right there in the room. Sunlight streaming through the blinds and Malena standing in the doorway with a confused look on her face.
It’s Monday morning, just after six. And Jens knows he has some explaining to do.
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen
Monday morning
Untangling himself from Axel proves to be harder than Jens anticipated. Not only is the warmth from his body addictive, but Axel’s arms are holding him tight and Jens just doesn’t want to move. He just wants to lie here for a little while and let himself feel loved. Needed. Embraced. Because it has been so long since he had this, and this… this is Axel. His Axel. Holding him and breathing softly into his neck.
Axel is fast asleep. Smelling faintly of soap and shampoo. The scent of a different washing powder lingering on the long-sleeved jumper he is wearing. His socked feet resting against Jens’ calves.
Jens still does it, moves carefully out of Axel’s embrace and moves Marthe’s legs back under the covers. Slips Mikki’s arm from Morten’s face. Covers them all up with the bare duvet and stands there for a second, wondering why his chest feels so light. Why the sight of the four of them sleeping in his bed makes him feel things. Like this could be a thing. Like this could maybe work. Be a reality. Maybe be a future for them. Maybe Axel would agree to try. Maybe the kids would mellow to the thought of having Axel in their lives.
Maybe he can see it. Jens can see it so clearly. Having Axel there in the morning when they wake up. Laughter and lightness, and streams of sunshine fluttering through his mind as he hobbles out to the kitchen where Malena is standing nursing a cup of coffee. Taking a sip and handing him his cup that is set to the side. Full to the brim of hot dark liquid.
“Pappa, why is that Axel bloke in bed with you? In bed with all of you?”
“Because I asked him to. He is my friend. And I like having him around.”
“Lame, Pappa. Try again.” Malena is glaring at him. Eyes dark. Lines drawn on her face that he can’t quite decide if they are from anger or hurt or a mixture of both.
Jens sits down at the kitchen table. Leans over, letting his head fall into his hands.
“Sit down Lena.” He begs. “I don’t know how to do this. How to tell you all this.”
She does. Sits down opposite him and stares out the window.
“I’m listening, Pappa. It can’t be that bad. Unless it is.”
“What would you define as bad, Lena?”
She lets a little laugh out. “I don’t know, Pappa. You owe him money? He won’t leave you alone? He is some crazy stalker who turned up in the middle of the night and slept in your bed? Pappa, I haven’t got a clue what’s going on.”
“Axel and I had a thing in school.” Jens starts. Looking up tentatively, like he is trying to gauge if this is the right thing to say.
“Pappa, I am not a child. You will have to be clearer than that. What kind of thing?”
“I was in love with him. He was in love with me. I fucked it up.”
“We both fucked it up, Jens. Don’t pin it all on yourself. It wasn’t your fault. I was there too.” Axel is standing in the doorway, holding Mikki’s hand.
“Pappa, Axel is making me breakfast again. I told him to. He makes good breakfasts.” Mikki leans up and places a kiss on Jens’ cheek. “Morning, Pappa.”
“Hi, sweetie.” Jens cradles his head against his chest, before Mikki moves on and crawls up on Malena’s lap.
“Axel needs kisses too, Pappa. Everyone gets kisses in the morning. That is the rules. Right Lena?”
“Maybe Axel doesn’t want Pappa-kisses, Mikki.” Lena is glaring at Axel. Who is honestly looking a little freaked out.
“Pappa and Axel do kissy-kissy.” Mikki scowls at her.
“Sorry if he woke you up, Axel. I’m sorry.” Jens stands up. He doesn’t know where to start with all this mess. And Axel has probably had less than one hour’s sleep and looks like death. “Coffee, Axel?”
Axel nods weakly, while it looks like he is trying to say sorry to Malena with his eyes. This is not cool. Jens knows that.
“I should go, I’m intruding and making everyone feel uncomfortable.” Axel says, while Jens shakes his head in desperation.
“Don’t go. Please.” He almost whinges.
“Axel! I want toast and butter.” Mikki demands. “With cheese. You can have some too. I’d like cheese today. Please?” Mikki is looking very pleased with himself. “Malena, do you want toast? Axel makes good toast. I like when Axel makes me breakfast. Pappa, you need to do kissy-kissy with Axel, so he can do my toast. He is waiting.”
Mikki waves his hand towards poor Axel, who is trying very hard not to laugh through his awkward smile while Jens is flushed with embarrassment and Malena covers her eyes with her hands.
“Go on, Pappa. Kiss the dude. I’m not looking.” She says. Hands over her face. The tiniest hint of amusement in her voice. Which makes Jens’ heart skip a beat. Just a tiny one. So, he stands up and lets his hand caress Axel’s cheek, and places the softest tiniest cop-out-of-a-kiss if there ever was one on Axel’s lips.
“Kissy-kissy!” Marthe squeals from the doorway. She stands there laughing, holding Morten’s hand. Morten, who just stares at them. Shrugs his shoulders. While Marthe points at Axel and jumps up and down.
“What the fuck, Pappa? Are you gay now or what?” Morten asks, although more like a statement than a question.
“I think they are, Morten.” Malena replies. “They were like… cuddling in bed when I walked in on them this morning.”
“So, you are Pappa’s boyfriend?” Morten is surprisingly calm, and Jens doesn’t even know what to say.
“And you are cool with this, Morten?” Malena almost shouts.
Morten just shrugs his shoulders. “Tom at school has two Mammas. At least if Pappa has a boyfriend I can pull the ‘I have two Pappas’ card just to see his face. That would be epic.”
“Pappa, help me here. This isn’t funny. Is this a thing then? You and Axel? Is he moving in? Is that why we cleaned up and threw all Mamma’s stuff out? I mean that is just… Pappa, that is just not on. We live here too. This isn’t all about you.” Malena is losing her shit. That is obvious.
“Toast, Axel! Pappa, tell Axel to do my toast. I am staaaarving.” Mikki does his amateur dramatics over the kitchen table. Banging his forehead against the surface and sighing deeply.